


If I Didn't Know

by somethingtreeish



Series: May And Ben! [1]
Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-05 00:55:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 56,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1799560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingtreeish/pseuds/somethingtreeish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After running away from a job that made her miserable, May goes to work as a personal assistant for her best friend Claire who is an actress whose stare is on the rise. While running an errand for Claire at a music festival, she runs into Benedict Cumberbatch and they hit it off. She thinks it's just a fun fling until Claire is cast opposite Ben in a movie filmed in the town that she ran away from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Know You Love Me If It Starts To Sting

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to lexilulu for being my beta and for being amazing in general! And thank you to Sarah for helping me organize my thoughts.

  
**Something’s lost when I translate you.  
** I think I have it but it slips through.  
Decoding you has been the hardest thing.  
I know you love me if it starts to sting.  
 _If I Didn’t Know - Jenny Owen Youngs_  


May Winifred Bell went to one of the top five business schools in America. She graduated with honors, summa cum laude, and was salutatorian of her class. Upon graduating, she was courted only by the most prestigious business firms and would only settle for the greatest. She had worked extremely hard her entire life and thus believed whole-heartedly that she was ready to take the business world by storm.

…

"Maybell, this place is too crowded! I can’t wash my hair in here," her boss and best friend screeches across the V.I.P. bathroom that, at the moment, housed four other women. May tries her hardest not to roll her eyes. She almost succeeds.

"Claire, do you really need to wash your hair right now? It honestly looks fine."

"You’re just saying that because you’re my friend. It looks like a grease pile! I’m sorry to be such a pain," she says, her perfect red hair bouncing and shining, her lip poked out just slightly as she hugs May and puts her head on her shoulder.

"Of course," May relents and smiles. "Meet me back at the tent, I’ll go grab some bottled water and see if I can’t scrounge up some shampoo."

"Oh, May, thank you. Thank you so much! You’re so good to me!" Claire quickly gives May another squeeze as she bolts out of the bathroom to the V.I.P. camping area.

…

May lasted two whole years before she called her best friend crying that she had had enough, she had wasted years of her life striving for greatness only to find out that greatness didn’t suit her. Claire, having never heard her best friend sound so defeated, went into mother hen mode urging May to quit her job, pack up her things, and to come be her personal assistant. Needing comfort from someone familiar, May jumped at the chance to work with her best friend.

…

Claire Griffin and May Bell grew up together in a small ocean side town in Florida. They had been best friends since their first day in kindergarten when May stood up for Claire to a boy who took her jump rope. May had kicked him in the leg and had given Claire back the jump rope after he ran off. May had gotten in trouble of course, but her parents were proud of her for sticking up for her friend and the only punishment she received was being held back from recess the next day.

The tradition of protecting Claire continued on through high school when Claire came out as gay to her family and May. Being gay in the south was not easy, and when Claire’s family kicked her out of their home, May’s family welcomed her into their own with open arms.

The town they grew up in, aptly named “Oceanside,” was a typical beach town. The houses were distinguishable only by the color of their pastel siding. The town thrived on the arts and prided itself on the uniqueness of it’s residents, though simmering under the illusion of a unique and welcoming town was a strong religious community that would keep anyone deemed too interesting from exposing themselves. Claire’s parents were at the forefront of that community and the thought that their daughter would ‘choose’ such a lifestyle disgusted them.  
May had gone to the Griffins’ and told them how horrible they were being, and that she was still the same Claire, she just liked girls. Mr. Griffin then asked May if she was Claire’s girlfriend and Mrs. Griffin promptly burst into tears and started to pray. May told them that her parents would be over to collect Claire’s stuff later that day.

…

When Claire received the frantic phone call from May, she had just gotten off the phone with her estranged parents. They had not seen anything in the press about their daughter being gay and were wondering if she had perhaps changed her mind about her “sinful desires.” Hearing her mother say “sinful desires” would have made her laugh had it not broken her heart. She told them that no, she hadn’t changed her mind because there was nothing to change. It’s who she was. So May’s phone call had come at the perfect time and she was just as excited to have her best friend coming to stay.

…

May took her job as Claire’s assistant very seriously and had remained very protective of her friend no matter how small the threat might be, which is why she would be moving heaven and earth to make it so her friend could wash her already perfect hair.

As she pushes her way through the crowds to the vendors she wipes her sodden, sweat-drenched bangs out of her eyes and curses the California heat. She finally makes it to the back of a long line of musky smelling hipsters at the only booth that sold Claire’s favorite water. Thirty minutes later, she finally makes it to the front.

"Yeah, can I please get, um, 10 bottles of water? It doesn’t have to be cold, it’d actually be better if it weren’t."

"That’ll be $105."

"Jesus Christ! For water?"

"Do you want it or not?"

"Yes, please." She hands over all the cash in her pocket and replaces it with the receipt.

"Do you have a box I can carry these in?" she asks hopefully.

The vendor looks at her like he’s never seen anyone more ridiculous in his entire life. She sighs and piles all the water bottles into her arms carefully so they don’t spill over. Of course all of the bottles are ice cold to the point that they feel as if they’re burning a hole through her chest but she keeps telling herself she doesn’t have that much further to go. As soon as she feels confident that the bottles are staying put, a man bumps into her and three of the bottles drop to the ground.

"Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Let me help you with those," the man says as he bends down to help May pick up the bottles.

"It’s fine, don’t worry about it, really," May mutters as she drops even more of the water on the ground.

The man turns to face her with his eyebrow raised and it takes her a moment to realize that the eyebrow belongs to Benedict Cumberbatch.

"Please, I insist." May stares for maybe a bit too long and he begins to blush. She blinks a few times to gather her wits.

"Thank you, help would be nice." May smiles at him and she leads the way to the VIP tents.

"It’s not a problem. I’m Ben by the way."

"I know who you are," May says, glancing sideways at him.

"Well, then it’s only fair that you tell me who you are."

"I’m May."

"Hello May." He smiles at May and takes a couple more bottles away from her. "So, are you dehydrated or…"

"No," she laughs. "My boss wants to wash her hair and refuses to do so in the sink in the bathroom. She insisted we camp this weekend to recapture our youth or something. I believe she forgot how much we hated camping back then but at least now she’ll remember." May turns towards the V.I.P. entrance.

"Who’s your boss?" Ben asks curiously, no doubt wondering why they were going in here.

"Claire Griffin. She’s an actress." May always said this with a sense of pride. She was extremely proud of her best friend.

"I know her! She’s had a big year. I really enjoyed ‘The Royale’ and ‘Mrs. Battersbee.’"

"Yeah, she’s pretty good. I’m biased though," May says, smiling. "Our tent is just up here."

May and Ben approach the tent and set the bottles on the blanket laid out in front of it.

"Claire, I’m back," May said as she ducks into the tent to look for her friend.


	2. Tell Me A Story About How You Adore Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and left kudos! And thank you to the one comment of course! You guys are the best :).

  
_I was just passing the time._  
Won't you give all your sympathy to mine?  
 **Have You Seen Your Mother... - The Rolling Stones**  


"You can sit the water down anywhere," May says to Benedict as she sets her share down. She picks up her phone to see that she's got two missed calls and a voicemail.

"Is she here?" Ben asks curiously.

"It doesn't seem so." She smiles at him as she punches in the code for her voicemail and waits.

Ben hears a voice come over May's phone and notices that her eyes begin to squint more and more the longer it goes. Finally the voice stops and May takes a deep breath.

"It _seems_ Claire has run into a few of her friends and she decided to go see some lame band with them. God, you know!" May exclaims, making Ben jump. "She always does this! The whole reason we came here this weekend was so I could see my favorite band and then she decides a few hours before they play that she wants to wash her stupid hair! Her hair is perfect! It's fine! Meanwhile, I'm running the earth to find her _specific brand_ of bottled water that costs a million dollars and yeah I get to write it off, but _still_ and..." May suddenly realizes who she's talking to. "You," she points at Ben, "do not care about any of this. Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it. It's been nice to meet you." She smiles genuinely at him and he does the same.

"It's fine, I understand. It's been lovely to meet you as well. Who's your favorite band, if you don't mind me asking?"

"The Rolling Stones," May sighs, then looks at her watch. "They're playing... Oh my God, if I run I can make it!"

Ben's face lights up. "I was planning to see them too! Do you mind if I run with you?"

"Of course not!" May starts running. "Let's go. They start in seven minutes!"

Ben laughs and runs off after her, eventually catching up and passing her.

"No fair," May yells as she dodges festival patrons. "You've got longer legs than me!"

Ben stops and smirks at her and when she catches up to him he grabs her hand. "You think you could be a bit speedier for your favorite band!"

May gives him the finger with her free hand and laughs, feeling exhilarated and forgetting all about her annoyance at Claire. They make it to the show just in time for the band to walk out on stage.

"Shit, we're really far back! Do you want to see if we can fight through the crowd and get a better spot?" May asks Ben, standing on her toes.

Ben holds her hand a bit tighter. "This way, my lady." He pulls her through the crowd, excusing himself the entire way. May stays close behind him and slips easily through the gaps he makes in the crowd.

They finally find a perfect spot and May looks up at the stage to see her idols getting ready to play. Seeing them live has been a dream of her's since she can remember. She stares awestruck at the stage as the beginning notes of 'Street Fighting Man' begin to play. She doesn't realize that Ben is still holding her hand until he lets go and puts his arm around her. She looks up at him.

"I can't believe they're in front of me right now!" She yells over the crowd and the music.

"It's pretty amazing," Ben says, smiling at how excited she looks. She snakes her arm behind his back and gives him a squeeze.

They stay like that until May pulls away and takes his hand again. "Let's dance!"

And so they do. May isn't a huge fan of dancing but she's so full of excitement that if she doesn't move around she will burst. By the end of the set they are both a hot and sweaty mess. As the final notes of 'Let's Spend The Night Together' play, Ben and May look at each other and laugh.

"Oh my God!" May exclaims as the band walks off stage. "I can't believe I just saw the fucking Stones! In real life! I think some of Mick Jagger's sweat flew into my mouth while he was dancing!"

Ben laughs really hard. "I felt the same way when I saw them the first time! They are quite the showmen."

"Definitely. How many times have you seen them?"

"Oh, just a few. I've never been disappointed."

They follow the dispersing crowd, walking next to each other in a companionable silence. May is thinking about how bizarre this day has gotten; watching her idols perform on stage, dancing the entire time with a man she's never met who also happens to be a famous actor.

Ben breaks the silence first. "So, you've seen your favorite band. Now what?"

"I thought I might go and check out some of the vendors. I'm in need of some completely useless merchandise. You?"

"I was thinking the same. Do you mind if I tag along?" Ben asks, holding out his elbow.

May takes it. "Of course not, I'd love the company."

"As would I. It's been a while since I've had a beautiful woman on my arm." Ben looks down sideways at her and smiles. May's face turns bright red and she tries to look distracted but is unable to hide the giant grin that takes over her face at his words.

Once they reach the merchandise tents, May immediately gravitates toward one that seems to be selling classic rock t-shirts, magnets, and posters.

"Ooh, there are a lot of these I don't have!" May starts digging in piles for her size and ends up with five different t-shirts, four magnets, and a candle in the shape of Bob Dylan's head.

"I don't think I've ever seen a candle of someone's head before," Ben says, turning it around in his hand while May sets her stuff on the table to pay.

"Me either, which is why I'm buying it! I'll never burn it, but you can never have enough candles, right?" She hands her money over to the vendor and takes her receipt. "Thank you so much."

The surly vendor grunts his appreciation and they make their way past the next booth which is filled with bongs and incense. May giggles as she observes a group of male hipsters seriously considering a bong taller than them with a naked lady on the side of it.

"People are so ridiculous," May whispers to Ben as he realizes what she's giggling about and starts laughing too. "I should buy my mom a bong. Maybe that one with knitting needles on it."

"Yes, do that," Ben replies seriously. "I'll get my mum the one with the stallion. I'll of course spring for the sterling silver necklace with the bedazzled cannabis medallion. I wouldn't want to be cheap."

May was laughing so hard she caught the attention of the group of men around the giant bong so she started walking to the next booth as Ben called after her.

"You forgot your confederate flag roach clip!"

"Oh my God," she mutters to herself as she pretends to ignore him and busies herself with a holographic wind chime. All of a sudden a lady that looked like a Hogwarts professor emerges from behind a tent and begins discussing chakras and healing sounds. May, trying to be polite, feigns interest and ends up buying a wind chime for her mother as Ben catches up with her and peruses the painted flower pots.

"So, did you want to get something to eat? My treat?"

"Yes, I'm starving! But it's my treat. No -" she says as Benedict begins to protest. "You helped me carry a shit load of water today and you helped me get to the most amazing show of my entire life. I'm buying you food so shut up about it."

Ben laughs again. "Fine. Let's go."


	3. I Don't Know What You're Looking For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos! You all make me so seriously happy I could die. Every single kudo and comment makes me giddy! So thank you, honestly, from the bottom of my big fat heart!

_“I don’t know if you’re looking for romance or…_  
I don’t know what you’re looking for.”   
**Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor**

 

They walk in the direction of the food trucks. May sees the familiar logo of her favorite gyro shop and changes their direction.

May looks at Ben. “Do you like gyros?”

Ben’s eyes widen and he nods seriously. “Yes. Yes I do.”

"Well you are in for a treat. These are the best I’ve ever had. I went to business school with the guy who owns the company and I was his official taste tester."

"You went to business school?" Ben asks as they walk up to the truck.

May opens her mouth to answer but she’s interrupted by the man inside the food truck.

"May Bell, as I live and breathe! How the hell are ya?"

"Kevin! Has everyone finally quit on you? What are you doing running the truck?"

"Ah, I can’t trust just anyone to run the truck. I also can’t pass up the chance to meet all the hot and hungry girls at this thing," he says jokingly.

May snorts. “Of course not! Anyways, Kevin, this is Ben -“

"I know who he is -"

May continues as if she hasn’t been interrupted. “- and Ben, this is Kevin. I was just telling him I was your taste tester in college.”

"Yeah, I owe all my success to this garbage truck right here. She would literally eat anything I put in front of her and was quick to tell me when it was shit."

"Yeah, yeah. Ben, does anything look good to you?"

"Everything, actually."

"Alright, Kev, you heard him. One of everything!"

Kevin yells the order back to the girl working the grills and goes to help her when her eyes go wide.

"I didn’t mean we had to get everything! Plus the food here is a fortune."

"We’ll share, it’ll be fine! I know the owner." May winks at Ben and he smirks back at her.

Kevin comes back over once the order is cooking and talks to May again.

"So, where’s our Claire?"

"Off with some friend or another. Guess who we saw!?"

"Hmm, you’ve both got that Mick Jagger glow about you."

"Yes! How’d you know?"

"Because the only reason you’d be caught dead at a hot outdoor music festival is if your favorite band was playing."

"Ah, not a fan of the outdoors, May?" Ben asks teasingly as Kevin walks back to bag their order.

"I don’t mind the outdoors. I do mind being completely soaked through in my own sweat. Quite an attractive look, don’t you think?"

"I do actually."

May grins wide as she suppresses the urge to slap his arm and tell him to shut up. Luckily, Kevin comes back with the food.

"Here you are! Enjoy, it’s on the house."

"You calling me a house, Kev? I’m tipping your cook at least!" May calls the girl over and hands her a generous tip. The girl recognizes Benedict immediately and asks him to sign her apron. He happily agrees as May takes the food and walks one truck over to grab a couple of beers.

They both finish at the same time and meet in the middle.

"You like beer, right? That’s what I got you."

"Beer is fine." Ben grabs the the food bag from May and they walk over to the outdoor dining area. They find a table towards the back and set up all the food.

"So, Ben. Can I call you Ben?" May asks.

"Please."

"Alright," May smiles. "Ben - who are you here with? Isn’t anyone missing you?"

"I came here with a couple of mates. Actually -" he pulls his phone out of his shorts pocket, "I texted them earlier to let them know I was hanging out with someone."

"I’m honored to be someone." May smiles as she watches Benedict’s eyes roll into the back of his head as he takes a giant bite out of the lamb gyro. He groans, shakes his head, and waves his free hand around.

"This is the greatest thing I have ever had in my mouth," he exclaims through a mouth full of food.

"Right? I gained 80 pounds senior year eating this mess so he could perfect his recipe. It’s taken me forever to lose half of it."

"Well, you look perfect to me," Ben says as he takes another bite and closes his eyes.

May tries not to die in a fit of swoons when he says this and takes a bite of her food. May, despite being rather sensible in all other areas of her life, is very quick to develop feelings for someone, and as they speak about their schooling, their families, and their homes throughout dinner, she feels herself falling for Ben.

As soon as they’re finished eating, May’s phone rings.

"Sorry," she tells Benedict. "It’s Claire."

She swipes the phone to connect the call.

"Yes?" She says flatly.

"May-May! I’m back at the tent! Sorry for earlier, I saw Suze and Jo and it’s been forever! They asked about you!"

"That’s nice, Claire." May rolls her eyes at Ben.

"Yeah, so do you think you could help me wash my hair now? We danced a lot so it’s even worse than before! I see all the water bottles here! Did you get to see The Rolling Stones?"

"Yes, I did actually!" May is always pleased when Claire remembers things that are important to her, and it causes her to forget all of her annoyance at her friend. "I’ll be there in a bit, I’m just finishing up dinner."

"Alrighty, I’ll just be here sweating some more!"

"You’re the one who wanted to camp, not me! I promise you won’t die."

May hangs up the phone and looks up at Ben.

"It’s nice to know the water we carried is going to go to use after all."

"Seriously. I guess I better go help her. Ben, this has been amazing. I know we just met, but I’m so glad I got to see them with you. Claire gets bored really easily and I would have felt guilty. I am sorry I kept you from your friends though." May stands up and starts gathering their trash.

"It’s been my pleasure, truly," Ben says as he gets up to help her. "It’s nice to be around someone so excited about something. Look -" Ben takes her hand and leads her around the table to him "- would you fancy getting a drink tomorrow night? I’m in town for one more night and if you’re free…"

"Oh, I would love to but we’re leaving tomorrow afternoon!" May is extremely disappointed but secretly glad because she promised herself she wouldn’t get attached to an actor again. However, she thinks to herself that it couldn’t hurt to be polite so she gives him her number. "Here, call me if you’re ever in L.A. I’d love to see you again if you’re in town."

"Of course, of course. And May? It’s been lovely meeting you as well." Benedict pulls her in even closer and they come together, hugging each other tight. Ben pulls back first, puts his fingers under her chin to lift her face up and kisses her lips.

It starts out slow at first, May sucking on his bottom lip slightly. Then Ben puts his hands in her brown hair, tilting her head slightly so that he can show her how much he’s enjoyed today. May feels his tongue on her lip and she opens her mouth to let him in. Every time their tongues touch May can feel it in her belly, a small tickle of anticipation. Her hands are still at his sides but are now fisting his shirt in an effort to calm herself. With a few tiny pecks to finish the kiss off, May pulls back and grins at Ben.

Ben lets his hands fall to May’s sides, takes her hand and kisses it. “Really, really lovely.”

May dares not say anything else, choosing instead to be mysterious and vague. She waves at him and retreats back to the tents where her best friend is waiting for her.


	4. Tickle Me Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to lexilulu for betaing for me! And thank you to all of you who've left kudos and comments! No smut yet, but it will happen and I'll warn you when it does!

**When nothing goes right,  
And the future’s dark as night  
What you need’s a sunny sunny day.**   
_Johnny Flynn - Tickle Me Pink_

 

When May arrives back at the tent, Claire is half asleep on her cot.

"Claire."

"Nooo. We don’t have to wash it, we’re leaving tomorrow anyway. I’ll wear a hat to the airport."

"Alright, that’s fine," May sighs as she lays down on her own cot.

Claire’s eyes shoot open at the lack of annoyance coming from her friend.

"What’s got you in such a good mood?" Claire asks May accusingly.

"I just had a really good day today," May says wistfully, glancing over at Claire.

"What did you do?"

"Well, I got the water for you and bumped into somebody, or rather he bumped into me. Anyways, we ended up hanging out the entire day."

"Who was it?"

"Oh, just some actor. I’ll probably never see him again."

"Maaay! You better fucking tell me," Claire yells with a laugh.

"Why do you care? You totally ditched me for your stupid ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend! Maybe if you had hung out with me, your best friend, you would know who I spent the day with. Anyways—" May sighs dramatically, "I’m going to go to bed and think about what would have happened had I not had to come back and watch you sleep."

All of a sudden a pillow flies across the tent landing squarely on May’s face.

"Claire, you’re so kind! My pillow is way too flat, I should have brought a second one." May smiles to herself as she puts the second pillow under her head and turns her body so that she’s facing the wall of the tent. Claire growls in frustration which makes May smile even harder. She finds it incredibly amusing how desperate Claire gets for any kind of gossip and she loves making her crazy with it.

Claire gets up to come lay behind May. May lays still and waits for Claire to say what she needs to say.

"May, I am really sorry that I ditched you today. It’s just Suze and Jo saw me and I had to act nice, didn’t I? I wanted to prove to Suze that I’ve moved on and that I’m totally cool with her and her new girlfriend."

"But you haven’t moved on. Suze was a complete bitch to you. I don’t know why you even associate with her anymore. I hate that she still has a hold on you."

"I know. I’ve stayed away from her for months, but just seeing her here I felt I had something to prove. Plus I don’t want to mess up any connections I’ve made through her, especially not since I’m up for the lead in the new movie."

May turns around and stares at her friend sadly. “I understand all of that, I do. I just don’t like her and I don’t like the idea of you being nice to her. I want to punch her in the ear.”

Claire laughs and hugs May. “I love you Maybell.”

"I love you too, loser. Now get off my cot so I can sleep."

Claire kisses May on the head and gets off the cot. She waits a second before she unceremoniously rips her pillow out from under May’s head and deftly falls into her own cot. May curses at Claire and turns her back toward her once more.

After a few minutes of silence Claire speaks again.

"Who did you hang out with today?"

May just smiles and pretends to be asleep.

…

Two Weeks Later

…

"How did it go?"

Claire has just gotten out of an audition for her first lead role in a movie. Up until now she’s had highly successful turns as a supporting character in a few indie movies and a few box office hits. The director for this film is fairly new to the scene and this movie is his highly anticipated follow up to his huge blockbuster last summer.

"I think it went okay but I can’t be sure. Oh my God, May. I’m dying. I’m dying, what if it wasn’t good enough? What if they pick someone else? I want this part so much."

"Claire, you’re going to be fine! It’s going to be fine! Of course they’re going to pick you, you’re amazing! You’re so talented and there’s been great buzz about you! Not only that, but you’re cheap!"

"Hey!"

"You know what I mean. If they casted an already established actress then they’d have to pay her way more. It makes good business sense for them to hire you. Trust me, I’m an expert."

"You’re a nerd. I need to get drunk. Let’s go out tonight! Please, please, please?" Claire grabs onto May’s arm and makes whining noises.

"You are the most gigantic drama queen. Yeah, we can go out tonight. But you’re paying! Alcohol is expensive and I can’t write it off as a business expense," May says with an air of snootiness.

"You’re always so obsessed with money!"

"One of us has to be! I still haven’t forgiven you for the $100 I spent on water."

"I paid you back!"

"It’s the principle! Anyways - what time do you want to go out?"

"Now."

"It’s two in the afternoon!"

"So what, I want to go now. I command you, as your boss, to take me to the nearest bar!"

"Fine," May laughs. "Make sure your ringer is turned all the way up. I have a feeling they’ll be calling you back today."

"Oh, May! My stomach is in knots, don’t talk about it anymore! I’ll die."

"Whatever, Claire." May rolls her eyes and they drive off to the closest place that sells alcohol.

…

Four hours and ten drinks later, Claire has forgotten all about her audition. Claire has forgotten all about everything, actually, because she is more drunk that she has ever been. May has forgone drinking because she wanted at least one of them to be lucid just in case Claire’s agent called. Claire rarely gets drunk as she’s scared the alcohol will make her gain weight so May forgives her the chance to drink away her stress now and again.

As May tries to herd Claire into her car she hears Claire’s phone go off. It’s so loud that it startles May into pushing Claire head first into the car after grabbing her purse from her. She digs around in it and finds the phone. It’s Claire’s agent.

"Claire Griffin’s phone, May speaking."

"May, is Claire around?" Claire’s agent is a middle aged woman named Rhonda. She’s great at her job and has always been so kind to Claire. After seeing Claire in a play, she asked to meet her. Once she met her she immediately took Claire under her wing and May has always loved her for that.

"She’s here but she’s incapacitated at the moment. Have you heard from the director?"

"Yes. Tell Miss Claire she is the new lead in the most anticipated film of next year!"

"Oh my God!" May yells and looks back down to see Claire half hanging out of the car with her head laying on the center console. She bends down to pull her into a sitting positions. "Claire! You got the part!"

"I did? Oh May!" Claire promptly starts sobbing onto May’s shoulder as she buckles her in.

"Rhonda, thank you so much. I’ll have Claire call you back when she’s a bit more coherent."

"That’s fine, May. I’ll talk to you soon I’m sure! I want to take you two to dinner to celebrate!"

"Sounds great!" Claire finally gets May properly in her seat and walks over to get into hers. By the time she sits down Claire has already stopped crying and is leaning against the window with her eyes closed. She makes it about a mile down the road before her own phone starts to ring. She looks at her phone and sees a number she doesn’t recognize.

"Hello?"

"Is this May?" asks a deep, English accent. May thought it sounded like it could be from London, but she wasn’t sure.

"It is me."

"May! It’s Ben."

"Ben! Hi!" May is shocked that she’s hearing from him, especially since it’s been two weeks since they saw each other.

"How are you?"

"I’m great, how about you?" May curses her bright tone, wishing she could stop her voice from sounding so high pitched.

"I’m great. In town, actually. I was wondering if you’d still like to have that drink?"

"I think I can squeeze some time in for a drink. Are you free tonight?" May looks over at Claire, expecting her to be passed out but instead Claire is staring at her intently trying to figure out who is on the phone. As soon as May looks over at her she begins mouthing "Who is it?" and starts trying to put her head close to May’s phone.

"I am actually. I just got out of an audition and I haven’t got a thing to do. My publicist told me about a new restaurant that I must try." He stops talking for a beat as May has gone silent while trying to push Claire’s head away from her phone. "I was thinking we could go there?"

"Yes, that sounds great. Can you text me the address? What time did you want to meet?" May lands an elbow into Claire’s sides that finally gets her to move away, albeit dramatically.

"How’s seven o’clock sound? I’ll make the reservations."

"That sounds great, I look forward to seeing you again." May cringes at how business-like that sounded.

"Likewise. I’ll text you the directions. See you tonight." Ben hangs up.

"What the hell, Claire! I love that telling you that you got a part you’ve been dreaming about for years does nothing for you but trying to find out about my private life magically brings you out of a drunken stupour!"

Claire smiles really big. “I got the part.” She reaches out and holds onto May’s hand and they both take a moment to let it sink in. “Now you have to tell me who that was on the phone or it’s going to ruin my entire day!”

"I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to make a big deal out of it."

"Okay."

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

"OH MY GOD! May! He’s a proper famous actor!" Claire is bouncing in her seat and slapping at May’s arm.

"Calm down! It’s just a drink. It’s not a big deal. I’m sure he’s just being friendly," May says with a huge grin.

"Yeah, I see that smile. Be careful, May. You know what happened last time you dated an actor."

"We’re not dating. It’s not even a date, it’s a drink. It’s totally chill. Anyway —" May gives Claire a look that she knows means ‘this conversation is done’. "Rhonda wants you to call her back."

"Fine." Claire retrieves her phone from the cup holder next to her and calls Rhonda.

May tries to keep her cool as the gigantic butterflies in her stomach start beating their wings.


	5. Reptilia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU ARE ALL AMAZING! Thank you SO much for reading and kudo-ing! And also for the comments! If I could hug all of you I totes would. Really hard!

_He seemed impressed by the way you came in_  
“Tell us a story  
I know you’re not boring” 

_I was afraid that you would not insist_  
“You sound so sleepy  
just take this, now leave me” 

_I said please don’t slow me down  
If I’m going too fast_

**Reptilia - The Strokes**

The last time May had dated an actor things ended badly. She met him on the first movie set she ever worked on with Claire and May felt as if he had hung the moon. Unfortunately he felt much the same way about himself. They broke up after six months and it was over whiskey and ice cream with Claire that she vowed never to date an actor again.

These memories are in the forefront of May’s mind as she digs through her closet to find something to wear for her ‘friendly drink’ with Benedict. She knows she shouldn’t be putting herself in this position again but Ben is funny and kind and attractive. Besides, this isn’t a date, they are only hanging out. May continuously tells herself this but it does nothing to quell the nerves in her stomach.

May shakes her head and decides to focus on one thing at the time. Right now she needs to decide what to wear. She doesn’t want to wear anything too sexy, but she also doesn’t want to look matronly. She finally settles on a pair of black skinny jeans and a black blouse Claire had forced her to buy on their last shopping trip.

May keeps her make up simple: winged eyeliner and a bold red lip. She steps in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom and is pleased with what she sees. She walks over to her closet and stares at her shoes. At first May steps toward the flats, but at the last minute she changes course and slips her feet into the hand-me-down Louboutin’s Claire had given her because they were out of season.

She steps in front of the mirror again. NOW she is ready. She grabs her purse, her keys, and her phone and meets the taxi that is taking her to the restaurant.

Once she arrives, she steps out of the taxi, takes a few calming breaths and goes inside.

As soon as May walks in she spots Benedict at the bar. He’s wearing a pair of black trousers, a white t-shirt and a black cardigan. She nods at the hostess, points toward the bar and goes over to him. She puts her hand on his shoulder and leans in to speak into his ear over the slight din of the restaurant.

"Hello there."

Benedict turns his head and smiles. “May. Did you find it alright?”

"My cab driver did," May says, returning his smile.

"Our table is ready," he says as he stands up. "I was just waiting until you got here."

"Great! I’m starving."

"Me too." Ben puts his hand on May’s lower back and guides her toward the hostess. Despite his warm hand she felt a chill go up her spine.

When they arrive at their table, Ben pulls out May’s chair and waits until she sits down to take his own seat. The hostess offers them both wine and after checking May’s driver’s license, pours them both a glass and leaves, letting them know their waitress will be with them shortly.

"You look lovely tonight."

"You look nice too. It’s nice to be able to hang out in the air conditioning."

"Yes, I’m a fan. So, how’ve you been?" Ben asks as he picks up his menu.

"Good, good." May opens her own menu and begins to peruse the appetizers. "Claire just landed a huge role for herself so that’s exciting. How about you?"

"That’s great! I’m actually here auditioning for a role myself. You’re actually distracting me from thinking about it right now. I really want this part."

"I’m sure you’ll get it." May smiles at him encouragingly. "Anyway, I’m glad to be of service."

Ben smiles back. “So, anything looking good to you?”

May wants really bad to say ‘you’ but she refrains. “Everything actually. Although I hate when restaurants name their dishes something stupid. I always feel like an asshole when I have to say the word ‘rustico.’ Why can’t I just say ‘I’ll have the chicken salad please’ instead of a bunch of nonsense?”

Ben laughs. “They’re trying to create an atmosphere.”

May rolls her eyes and continues to look at the menu. “Do you know what you’re getting?”

"I’ll probably have the sea bass with rustic country vegetables," Ben says, elaborating the last three words.

May smirks as she goes over the pasta dishes. “I think I’m going to have the mac and cheese. Places like this usually make great mac and cheese.”

As soon as May closes her menu the waitress turns up to take their orders. It turns out both of their meals are incredible. The conversation flows well and they both laugh at each other’s stories of Hollywood.

"I had just moved here from Nashville and the south is a lot different than here, let me tell you. Anyway - I’m in this immaculate office, everything is white, right? This gorgeous tiny blond that smells expensive -"

"What does ‘expensive’ smell like?" Benedict asks, laughing.

"Brand new clothes and flowers. Anyways, she hands me this tiny little glass of green liquid and I thought maybe she wanted me to feed the plant I was sitting next to so I dumped it in there. But I was supposed to drink it! I thought Claire was going to die!"

The waitress magically appears every time their wine glasses get low to refill them and they are both feeling pleasantly warm and free.

They talk about the differences in driving in L.A. and back home.

"I drive a motorbike back home -"

"Oooh, like Sons of Anarchy!" May says winking at him.

"Not quite," he says, chortling. "My mum can’t stand it, though, so I suppose I’m a bit of a bad boy." He grins widely as May wipes tears of laughter from her eyes.

"Are you in a biker gang? Do you wear a leather jacket?"

"Sometimes," he says, smirking at May’s playful, slightly enthusiastic questions. "So, do you have a thing for bikers then, May?"

"Wouldn’t you like to know?" She winks at him again and takes another sip of wine.

They share a chocolate cake for dessert that May declares is the greatest chocolate cake she’s ever had through moans of ecstasy. Ben laughs at her and agrees as he thinks of things he could do to make her moan like that for him.

After Ben pays for their dinner, they walk out of the restaurant together. “You know,” May says, “I never realize how much I’ve had to drink until I stand up. I never think I’m going to feel that buzzed off of wine.”

"Ah, you’re a light-weight, May my girl."

May punches him lightly on the arm. “I’m gonna call a cab. Do you need one too?”

"No, I’ve got a driver…"

"Fancy!" May says as she scrolls through her phone’s contacts to find the cab company. She is reluctant for the night to end as she is even more smitten with Benedict than she was before, but this is exactly the reason she needs the night to end before her drunkenness gets the better of her.

"Why don’t you let me take you home? It’ll be fun!"

"Will it be fun?" she laughs. "Are you sure? I don’t mind taking a cab."

"Of course I’m sure. I’m right over here," Ben says, taking her hand and leading her to his car. He opens the door for her, she gets in and he walks over to the other side to get in himself.

The driver asks May her address and she tells him. He nods and starts driving.

"I’ve had a wonderful evening. I hate for it to end," Ben says, looking at May.

"Me too." May thinks of all of the reasons why she shouldn’t be doing this. She thinks of the fact that he doesn’t even live in the same country, the fact that he’s an actor, the fact that he’s stunningly handsome and that if she let herself, she would quit her job and follow him around the globe if he asked. May knows she must be stronger than this, that she must not get ahead of herself, that she must be hardcore, she is woman, hear her roar. But May is also drunk and she has needs and Benedict’s lips look so nice. "Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Will you kiss me?"

"Yes."

Ben puts his warm hand through her hair and pulls her face to his. As soon as their lips meet, May feels that familiar tug in the pit of her stomach that goes along with kissing someone you really, really like. His lips are warm as they move softly over her own. She tentatively sneaks her tongue out to lick them just as he does the same and they meet in the middle and all bets are off. She grabs the front of Ben’s cardigan and pulls him closer to her and they both moan in appreciation. His hands move from her neck to her sides, finally grasping at her hips. May pulls away to catch her breath and Ben starts kissing her jaw, behind her ear, down her neck. She wraps an arm around his neck while her other hand goes to the back of his head to encourage him. When her body is thoroughly flushed he comes back up to her lips for a few light kisses before he finally pulls away.

They stare at each other, breathing heavily as the driver clears his throat. They both look out the window to see that they’ve already arrived at May’s place and May curses the fact that she lives so close to the restaurant. She looks at Ben, the collar of his cardigan disheveled, his hair mussed, his lips slightly red from her lipstick, and gathers all of the willpower that she has inside of her.

"Thanks for dinner, I had a really great time."

"It was my pleasure." He leans over and kisses her lightly one more time and she smiles. The driver opens her door for her and she gets out and walks to her front door and unlocks it. She turns around to see Benedict’s car driving off and she goes inside and shuts the door.

She puts her keys down, drops her purse to the floor, walks to her couch and falls dramatically face down on her couch and mumbles a disgruntled ‘fuck me’ into the cushions.


	6. Roll On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to EVERYONE YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! Thank you to lexilulu for being a lovely beta! If you guys are interested in Sebastian Stan you should go check out her fic "Giving Up" because it's some really really good stuff. Just saying.

_And I just don't know how I got stuck,_  
Guess there's muscle memory for love.  
And if you try hard enough,  
You might once again call my bluff.  
Or you can roll on, roll on. 

**Roll On - Dntel**

May loves Claire like she was her own flesh and blood sister, and like a flesh and blood sister, sometimes she wants to kill her. After spending twenty hours straight helping Claire get ready to fly out to New York City next week for The Tonight Show and trying to find suitable housing for their stay on location for her new film, she is finally home and putting on her pajamas. May has just flopped onto her couch and laments her lack of food when her cell phone rings.

"Fuuuuuuuck," she groans as she rolls off her couch and over to the table where she left her phone. She stops short when she sees who's calling. It's been two days since her dinner with Benedict and while they've texted quite a lot back and forth, this is the first time they've spoken on the phone.

"Hellooo?" May curses her awkwardness as she drags out the 'hello' in a deep voice.

"Hey, it's Benedict."

"I know, I've got you saved in my phone," she says, smiling.

"Ah, you would do. Listen, it's my last night in Los Angeles and I was hoping I could see you before I fly back to London?"

"Ahh, I've just put my pajamas on! I've been running around town with Claire all day and I'm exhausted."

"I could come over and bring some wine and take out?" He asks, sounding hopeful.

May thinks about it.

"You know what, that sounds amazing. How long until you get here? Do you mind if I keep my pajamas on?"

"I can be there in an hour, and of course I don't mind. How does Chinese sound?"

"Chinese sounds really good but keep in mind that I like chicken or something with a chicken like texture."

"Chicken is boring," he says, his low voice dragging out the 'or' in boring.

"Chicken is classic. I'll see you when you get here!"

"See you then." Ben hangs up.

May spends the next hour trying to find the cutest pajamas she owns. She goes back and forth for the first fifteen minutes on whether or not she should change. On one hand, he's just a friend and she shouldn't expect anything. Also, she shouldn't have to change to make him like her more, but May is weak when it comes to cute men so she changes into a cute pair of sleep shorts covered in rainbows and a thin sky blue hoodie. Her legs are being shown off, but her pajamas are whimsical so it's not really like she's trying THAT hard. She just doesn't want to hang out with Benedict Cumberbatch while wearing a shirt that has gravy stains on it.

May is carefully arranging her hair into a "messy, I didn't even try" bun when her doorbell rings. The butterflies in her stomach are working full time but she tries to calm herself by taking deep breaths as she walks slowly to the door and opens it.

There stands Ben looking handsome as ever, holding a big brown paper bag, a bottle of wine, and flowers.

"Ben! What's all this?" She asks as she takes the flowers and the wine from him.

"I saw the flowers in a shop and thought they were pretty." He leans in and kisses May on the cheek and she smiles and turns around to take the flowers and the wine to the kitchen, willing her skin not to be flushed and red.

Ben follows her to the kitchen and sets the bag down. "You look very cute in your pyjamas," Ben says as he starts taking the food out of the bag.

"It's how I entice all my men," May laughs as she puts the flowers in a vase. She grabs two wine glasses from the cabinet and a couple of forks.

"We don't need forks, they've put chopsticks in." Ben holds a pair out to her.

"I'm fine with a fork. I've never liked using chopsticks." May laughs nervously as she grabs plates from another cabinet and sets them down next to the food.

"How come?"

"I could never get enough food on them. I would sit there and eat my rice two pieces at a time! Plus it annoys Claire that I don't use them and that's always a perk."

"Well you couldn't have been using them properly! I can teach you if you like," Ben says, pouring wine into the glasses May set on the counter.

"I'll tell you what, next time we eat Chinese I'll let you teach me. It's been a long day and I want to eat without stress!"

Benedict looks at her and smiles. May notices and blushes. "What?"

"You said next time."

"Well, I mean, if you're in town, and you're not busy, or you're bored, or..."

"May, it's fine. I will teach you how to eat with chopsticks next time." He smiles and puts his hand over hers. "Now, let us eat!"

They both dish out what they want onto their plates, grab their wine, and go to the living room. Ben follows May's lead of putting her food on the coffee table and sitting on the floor.

May takes a bite of the chicken lo mein and sighs. "I love lo mein. I want to marry lo mein!" She takes a sip of the wine. "No, I changed my mind. I want to marry this wine. I usually have it from a box! This is divine."

"You're so easy to please," Ben chuckles.

"Lucky for you." May winks, takes another drink, and dribbles wine out of her mouth. Luckily Ben doesn't notice and it falls on her food rather than her chest, which is known as 'the shelf' in her inner circle. She subtly wipes her mouth and continues eating.

"So, what did you and Claire do today that was so taxing?" Ben uses his chopsticks to take a giant bite of rice. May watches him chew before she speaks.

"We were just getting ready for her trip to New York for The Tonight Show and for her new movie. She's very..." May pauses and tries to find the right word. "She's very ~specific~ about where she wants to stay. She has a lot of needs."

"Ah, I can understand that. When you travel a lot it's nice to have a few creature comforts."

"Yeah, she's always been like that. She lived with my family for the last 2 years of high school and my mom and dad are giant softies so they made her super comfortable. She's grown accustomed to a certain life style."

"She lived with you?" Ben takes a bite of beef and broccoli.

"Yeah, when she came out to her family they weren't having it. My parents have always loved Claire and they went out of their way to make sure she was taken care of. Of course they did the same for me because they're awesome."

"Claire is lucky to have you as a friend," Ben says, smiling kindly at May.

"Honestly, I'm lucky to have her as a friend. As much as she annoys me sometimes, I love her to death. She helped me out when I was in a tough situation with no questions asked. She's an amazing person. But you're right, she is totally lucky to have me around. Everyone is," May jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

"Ha!" Ben laughs out. They're silent for a few minutes while they both finish their food.

"So, what are your parents like?" May asks, throwing Ben a fortune cookie, then tearing into her own.

"They're amazing. Extremely supportive, kind, they're honestly the best." Ben cracks his fortune cookie open and pulls out the tiny piece of paper. "You will be a bright spot in somebody's day."

"Well, you're the bright spot in mine so that works! Let's see what mine says." May pulls out her fortune and puts one half of the cookie in her mouth. "~Your wish will come true.~ Great, hopefully that means we'll get the house we put the bid in for! I can't stand to look at or talk to anyone involved with real estate in Nashville ever again!"

"Her movie is being filmed in Nashville? When?"

"It is! I believe it's November through January with a break for Christmas."

"Hmm." Ben looks thoughtful as he chews on his fortune cookie.

"It'll be nice to be in the South again! I mean, it is where I completely failed as a business woman but they have fantastic food so I'm going to choose to focus on that. And wear really big sunglasses so no one recognizes me." May laughs and elbows Ben playfully as she picks up their plates and heads into the kitchen.

Ben grabs their empty wine glasses and follows her.

"Would it be forward of me to ask what happened in Nashville? Why you're working for Claire now if you've got a degree in business?"

"Not at all," she says as she rinses their plates off. "I worked really hard and obsessed about my grades being perfect for so long, and when I got into the job I was actually trained for... it was incredibly boring. It was miserable. I know I sound like a baby, and maybe I was, but I was very unhappy."

"You don't sound like a baby at all, I get it. I wanted to be a barrister before I became an actor. I'm really glad the acting panned out."

"Me too, otherwise who would have brought me dinner tonight?"

"Indeed."

May turned around once she was done rinsing off the dishes and Ben was standing closer to her, looking completely delicious. She looked up into his eyes and she could immediately tell what he was thinking.

"So..." May tries to think of something to say to break the silence. "Wanna watch a movie? I've got a lot, probably not as much as you, but a good bit. I've been in the mood to watch Star Trek but that's probably because you're in it and it popped into my head. That would probably be weird so maybe we can watch Lord of the Rings? Always a classic, I haven't seen it in a minute and that's even if you want to watch a movie? Maybe you just wanna hang out and uhhh..."

She looks back up to Ben and he's staring at her, eyebrows raised and a grin on his face.

"Are you nervous, May?" He asks, laughing.

"Umm, maybe? I don't know. Why, are you?"

"A little."

"What for?"

"Just a little nervous," he steps closer, "about what you'll say," he puts his hands softly on the sides of her face and whispers the last bit, "when I do this." And he pulls her closer and kisses her softly on her lips.

Like their first kiss, it starts slow but builds into something quite breathtaking. May puts her hands on his hips and squeezes, feeling the muscles there and internally combusting.

She knows she shouldn't be doing this. She shouldn't be entertaining the possibility that he might like it if she jumped him right here and now and had her way with him on her kitchen floor. May gives her heart so easily and she knows that Benedict could break it into pieces if she let him.

May pulls back from him and looks at his gorgeous face, flushed and smiling, his lips pink from kissing her own.

"I haven't seen Lord of the Rings in an age. Let's watch that."

"Okay." May takes a deep breath trying to take in everything that's happening. "Do you want popcorn?"

"I'd love some. Did you want me to get the movie ready?" Ben asks, pointing with his thumb back towards the living room.

"Sure. If you need any help figuring it out..."

"I think I can handle it," Ben laughs cockily. May mentally punches herself in the face for finding his cockiness attractive.

By the time the popcorn is popped and in a bowl, Ben is already sitting on the couch with the bluray menu for 'Fellowship of the Ring' playing on the screen.

"Go ahead and press play, I'm gonna grab us some more wine." May heads back into the kitchen and fills up both of their glasses.

When she comes back in, Ben has the popcorn in his lap and his arm over the top of her side of the couch. May puts their wine on the table and sits on the couch with her legs crossed. As Cate Blanchett's voice comes smoothly out of the speakers, May looks at Ben out of the side of her eye and sees him doing the same and smiling. She grins too and quickly moves her eyes back to the screen. Through the opening monologue, they both subtly scoot closer to each other under the guise of May having to reach for the popcorn. Once their thighs are touching, Ben takes the popcorn bowl and sets it on the table and puts his arm fully around May and she leans her head onto his shoulder.

They stay that way for the first third of the movie. May is trying to subtly sniff Benedict's cologne when his hand begins running up and down her arm. She sighs loudly and leans her head back to stare up at him. He looks down, smiles, and kisses her lips. They continue kissing softly and Ben continues to graze her arm with his fingers.

After a few minutes, May pulls away. Smiling, she asks him: "Did you want to see the rest of my place?"

Ben grins and nods. "I'd love to."


	7. You Can't Be Sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much again. And I apologize for where this ends, but I promise you'll get to read what happens next very soon. All your kudos and comments and views make me smile really big.

_It's an exploration, (he's) made of outer space._  
And (his) lips are like the galaxy's edge.  
And (his) kiss the color of a constellation falling into place.  
 **Arabella - Arctic Monkeys**

May stands, takes Ben's hand and pulls him off the couch.

"You've seen the kitchen and the living room. This," she gestures to the right at a table topped with mail, her bag, and her laptop, "is my dining area. As you can see, not much dining takes place here."

"My dining room table looks much the same. The life of a bachelor," Ben says, coming up behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and kissing her on the neck.

"Exactly," May says with a sigh as Ben chuckles deeply in her ear. She turns around in his embrace and they kiss again. May pulls away, eyes closed and smiling. She leads him through the living room, to the opening of the hallway and opens the first door on the left. "This is my office."

"Very nice," he says looking at how pristinely decorated it is. Grabbing her hand, he walks in and looks around at the pictures on May's desk of her family.

"It should be. My mom is an interior decorator so I let her do my apartment. It only looks nice in here because I never use it," May laughs to herself at the memory of her mother saying how functional the space would be.

"Well she did a great job!"

"She'll be happy to hear that. Alright, on to the next room." She goes to walk out but Ben, still holding her hand, pulls her back to him, gently pushes her against the wall and kisses her hard as his hands sneak underneath her hoodie, feeling the skin on her sides. Her hands go straight to his hair, keeping his face close. Ben is the first to pull away this time, resting his forehead on May's, both of them breathing heavy while looking into each others eyes.

May, slightly wobbly, walks out of the office and heads to the next door on the left. "This is the guest bathroom." May flips on the light and gestures like she was presenting a prize on "The Price is Right" while Benedict smirks at her.

"Next up on the left is the guest bedroom. This is where family and friends stay when they come into town. Now - to the right - is my room. You have to promise not to make fun of me," May says as she wedges herself between Ben and her door. "And to remember that I am a grown woman and that I can make my own design choices. And that not everyone is fancy and has statues of naked Romans and paintings of fruit everywhere. Just be chill."

"May. I promise! I'm dying to see it now!" Benedict laughs as he tickles May on her sides. She laughs and moves out of the way and he turns the door knob and enters. "Oh, wow."

"I like a lot of things, okay?" May says, her hands over her face.

"I can see that." Ben looks over at her, laughs, and pulls her hands away. "May, it's fine! I love it! My room at my mum's house looks a lot like this. Or it did before I got sent off to school at age eight."

May groans and falls on her bed, covering her face again while Ben laughs and investigates all the things she's got in her room. There are two massive bookshelves lining the entirety of two walls filled with books, action figures, and signed pictures of all kinds of people from different movies, mainly fantasy. Lord of the Rings takes up most of one wall and the other wall is a mixture of Harry Potter, Star Wars, and various television shows. On the walls are framed movie posters from all of the Tolkien movies signed by the cast members and the directors, including a 'Desolation of Smaug' poster signed by Benedict. May is staring at him when he notices his name.

"My friend ran the panel for 'Desolation' at Comic-Con. She got everyone to sign it for me. In case you were wondering why you didn't remember me there."

Ben smiles at her. "I was. Well then! I was nervous that you had some kinky sex dungeon hidden in here!"

"Nope, that's in the closet," May says as she sits back up on her bed. Ben comes to sit next to her. When his thigh rubs up against her own she has to keep herself from squealing. She is entirely too smitten.

"You have a lovely place," Ben says, leaning his head on top of hers. May notes that his hair smells like hotel shampoo and swoons inwardly. She doesn't know why she's swooning, but she figures it's because when you're majorly crushing on someone, everything they do is swoon-worthy.

"Thank you," May sighs, smiling.

"You're welcome." Ben lifts his head and turns to look at May. "You're lovely too."

May smiles so big she thinks her face will crack in half. "Thank you."

Ben cups her face with one hand and guides her lips to his. "You're welcome."

He kisses her slowly and gently, working his other hand into her hair while he lightly scratches her head with his finger tips. May already had goosebumps just from sitting next to him but now they're all over her body making her hair stand on end. She grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him down on top of her as she leans back on the bed.

His hands move from the sides of her face to her neck as May sneaks her tongue out to taste him. Ben meets her in the middle and their kiss deepens as he lets out a small groan in the back of his throat. His hands move slowly but firmly down her sides. His hands grip her hips as he situates himself to be on top of her.

May's arms wrap around his neck and rest on his shoulders while his kisses move down her jaw and up to her ear, making her shiver. She can hear Ben's slightly labored breathing and she becomes bolder knowing that she's affecting him. She swivels her hips forward and his hands grip her even tighter as she continues to rub against him.

Ben moves his head up to face her, his mouth hanging slightly open as his eyes rove over her face. When his eyes finally meet hers his mouth forms into a grin, crinkling his eyes. May can't help but grin back. For half a second she thinks about how much she likes him, how happy she feels right now, how confident she feels, lying in bed with one of the hottest actors around. For the next half a second she thinks of how fleeting those feelings are and how much he could break her heart. Should she do this again? Should she have sex with him knowing that it probably won't mean as much to him?

"Ben?"

"Hmmm?" Ben asks as he kisses her lips again and moves back down her neck, letting his hands roam up under her hoodie once again while she continues to think. And maybe she sighs a bit too, because Ben's hands are heaven against her bare skin. This all feels so good, and so May decides that she deserves the attention of a handsome man and the release of an orgasm after the rough day she's had, even if it is for only one night.

"Do you have a condom?"

Ben moves to face her again, a lopsided grin on his face, and he nods.

"Oh thank God," May says as she flips them over so she's straddling his hips and pulls off her hoodie.


	8. Digital Bath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much! Also, beware! There is smut here!

_You make the water warm_   
_You taste foreign_   
_And I know you can see_   
_The cord break away_   
_‘Cause tonight I feel like more._   
**Digital Bath - Deftones**

 

"Oh thank God," May says as she flips them over so she’s straddling his hips and pulls off her hoodie, revealing a navy lace bra that just barely contains her breasts.

Ben’s mouth opens letting out a long breath. He sits up and wraps his arms around her while looking up into her eyes. “You’re so beautiful.”

May smiles at him while trying not to let her heart get ahead of her. “Thanks.”

"I mean it, May. You’re so gorgeous. You took my breath away the moment I saw you," he says as he begins caressing her sides with his finger tips. "You’re funny and you’re smart. I’ve enjoyed being in your company."

As she stares back into his eyes, a million things run around May’s mind. How good he makes her feel, how handsome he is, how this could be the start of something wonderful, but all of those thoughts are halted by the cold and inconvenient truth: She has heard and felt all of this before. He’s going home tomorrow and she will more than likely never see him again.

"Ben…"

"Yes?"

"Kiss me again." And then he does.

He kisses her lips, roaming over her jaw and down her neck. May’s hands go directly into his hair, her nails massaging his scalp and making him moan into her ear. She gently pushes him away and grabs the bottom of his shirt, lifting it over his head. She smiles as his hair flops around in every direction but her smile falters when she gets a good look at his chest. It is her mouth that falls open this time, letting out a shaky breath at the muscles shaping his broad chest.

"It’s for a role," he says with a lopsided grin. "I don’t normally look like this."

"Mmmmmm," is all she can say. May tenderly places her warm hands just below his collar bone. Ben watches her face as her hands roam from his chest down to his abs. She looks up, catching him watching her. She smiles at him and pushes him back down on the bed. From there she begins exploring his body with her lips, starting with the spot just under his ear as Ben’s eyes close and his hands grip her sides. She continues down, kissing his skin, stopping to dip her tongue into the divots his muscles create. She licks up the middle of his chest and she feels him shiver.

"May."

May continues kissing down his abdomen, giving it the same treatment she gave his chest. She finally makes it to the trail of hair leading into his pants. She kisses softer there, nuzzling the hair with her nose as she undoes his jeans and pulls them off, kissing his legs on the way down.

"Maaaaay."

May crawls back up, getting her face level with his cock straining against his underwear. “Mmmmhmmm?” She kisses around the outline, then pulls back just enough so that she can lick up his cotton covered shaft while staring straight into his eyes.

"Oh, fuck. May, get up here. You have too many clothes on." Ben sits up and grabs May’s hands, pulling her up beside him while she squeals with laughter. He lays her down beside him on her back and straddles her like she had straddled him earlier. He pins her arms above her head and bends down to kiss the tops of her heaving breasts. "This needs to come off immediately," he says, gesturing to her bra.

"Well I can’t move my arms, can I?"

"Hmm, I suppose not." He lets go of her arms and she sits up slightly. He reaches his arms around her and unclasps her bra, slowly pulling it off as his arms come back around. May holds her arms out as she lies back down so that he can pull it off all the way. Once he’s done she puts her arms back above her head and slightly arches her back.

"Did I say how beautiful you were yet?"

"You might have mentioned it, I don’t really remember." May winks at him but doesn’t think he sees it because his eyes are staring at her chest. She’d be offended if she weren’t so incredibly turned on.

Benedict bends down and kisses her while taking both of her breasts in his hands, running his thumbs over her nipples. May moans and arches into him even more, rubbing her center against his. Benedict responds by grinding hard back into her and kissing her with more fervor. She matches him thrust for thrust as she starts to forget all the reasons why she should stop this. He kisses a trail from her mouth to her breasts and takes a nipple into his mouth sucking and nibbling, causing May to cry out in ecstasy while her hands grip tight to Ben’s shoulders.

"Mmm, you make such lovely noises," he says as he switches to the other breast while still running his thumb over the one he just left. May whimpers in return. Once Ben feels her breasts have been properly attended to, he kisses down her stomach and slides his fingers under the band of her sleep shorts. He stops and looks up at her, seeking approval. May smiles and nods, and he pulls them down to find that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath them. He lets out a soft hum of appreciation, pulls her shorts the rest of the way off and drops them to the floor.

Ben runs his hands down her thighs, stopping at her knees and pushing them up and away from each other. “Let’s see what we’ve got here,” he says, looking down at her pussy. “Mmm, just as gorgeous as you.” He runs his hands down the backs of her thighs, spreading her even wider. “So pink, so soft,” he says as he caresses her lips and then spreads them wide. “And so wet. Fuck.” He bends down and licks up her entire slit, stopping for a moment to gently suck on her clit. “Mmmm, darling, you taste so incredible.”

"Fuck, Ben. Ahh."

"Do you like when I taste you, May?" he asks before trailing his tongue down and sticking it inside her and pulling it out slowly. "Do you like my tongue inside your hot, wet cunt?"

May can only answer in whimpers, her body involuntarily grinding against his mouth as his tongue enters her once more. Her hands grip the comforter around her.

"Yes, I think you do, you naughty girl." He continues his assault, licking and sucking until she begins to writhe around and he holds her still.

"Oh God, Ben. Yes, Christ, just like that. Don’t stop, ohhmygod," she whimpers in a high pitched voice, trying not to scream. Her hands reach to her hair and her back arches off the bed. Ben reaches a hand up and grips one of her breasts roughly and her orgasm explodes through her. Her legs dig into Ben’s back, and she cries out his name.

Ben continues to lick her softly while she comes down, still enjoying the way she tastes, and the way her cunt pulses after an orgasm. Once she’s somewhat calm, May props herself up on her elbows and watches him. She’s still sensitive but he’s being gentle and it still feels good.

"Ben."

"Mmm."

"As sexy as you look with your face between my legs, I need you to come up here. I am dying to get your cock in my mouth." Ben looks up and May smirks at the look on his face. He stands up and she comes off the bed, pushing him up against the wall.

She drops to her knees and looks up at him through her eyelashes, her mascara and eye liner slightly smudged around her eyes. Ben runs a hand through the side of her hair and smiles down at her. “My gorgeous May.”

That’s all May needs to hear before she frees his cock, pulling his underwear down to his feet. She teases him with tiny kisses and licks that have him letting out short gasps of breath mingled with whispered curses. When she feels he’s had enough teasing, she takes his entire length into her mouth, relaxing her throat to accommodate all of him.

"FUCK." He cries out and his hands squeeze even harder in her hair. She begins to move her head, her throat and tongue massaging his dick as he leans against the wall, panting and swearing. "May, May, stop baby. I need to be inside you. I want… Fuck, I need to feel you around me." He pulls her away from his throbbing cock, lifts her bodily and throws her on the bed. She lays flat on her back, her legs wide for him, one hand playing with her clit to relieve the tension rebuilding there.

"Fuck that’s hot. Christ, May." He takes her free hand and wraps it around his dick which is still hot and wet from being in her mouth. "Do you see what you do to me?"

She begins pumping the hand around his shaft as he puts two fingers inside her mouth, smearing what’s left of her lipstick with his thumb, while she sucks greedily at his fingers. A moment later he takes his fingers from her mouth and slides them down to her opening, running his fingers through the slickness still gathered there. Then he leans backwards and reaches for his pants, pulling a condom out of the pocket. He drops his pants, rips the foil open with his mouth, takes the condom and slides it on his cock.

May watches all of this, her mouth watering, one second away from begging him to fuck her, but she is saved the effort because as soon as the condom is on he pulls her legs around him, positions himself at her entrance, and gently slides in to the hilt.

They both cry out in unison, May almost weeping with relief at being filled so thoroughly by him. His hands gripping her hips, he pulls her onto him, slamming her clit against his pelvic bone and grinding hard. “Play with those beautiful tits, May.”

She quickly obeys, palming them and pinching her own nipples, crying out at the overload of pleasure she’s feeling.

"I’ve been thinking about this since I met you. Since I saw you. I imagined what it would feel like, being inside you, watching you fall apart underneath me," he grunts through his thrusts and May is sure she’s never been more turned on in her life. She tries to speak but she can only cry his name. As her second orgasm begins growing in her belly, he can feel her body growing rigid. "That’s right, baby. Come for me, I want to see you." His voice grows deeper and more gravelly with every word and with a final thrust and grind to her cunt she is finally pushed over the edge, falling fast into ecstasy. She screams as the white light pushes on her eyes and becomes her. She comes back down just in time to see his mouth open wide and his eyes squeeze tight as he comes inside her, still slamming her onto him. He moans her name throughout his orgasm and when he’s done her entire body turns to soft clay and she collapses on her bed. She can feel him pulling out of her, hear him removing the condom and throwing it in the waste basket by her bed. He comes to lay next to her, kissing her arm lightly as she stares at the ceiling.

"So, did you want to finish the movie?" Ben asks, half in jest.

"Yeah, just give me a second to regain the feeling in my muscles and I’ll be right there."

Ben chuckles, kisses her cheek, and pulls her into his arms. May rests her head on his shoulder. She tries to keep her thoughts focused on how relaxed she is and not on the fact that he’s going to leave soon. Ben’s fingers are trailing up and down her arm and she allows herself to feel cared for before she starts to get up.

"Alright, I think I can feel my legs now. Back to Aragorn!" She bends over to pick up her shorts and pulls them on.

"Shit," Ben says almost to himself.

"What is it?" May asks as she pulls on her hoodie.

"I can’t find my shirt."

"Hmm, it’s probably tangled in the sheets or something. I’ve got a shirt you can wear." May goes to her closet, pulls out a soft worn grey tshirt that looks to be his size, and throws it at him.

"You went to Harvard?" Ben asks as he pulls the shirt over his head.

"Yep," she says, popping the p. "So, movie? Do you want some cake?"

"Yes to the movie and yes to cake."

May smiles at him and leads him back out to the living room.

Ben sits on the sofa as May grabs them both some cake which they happily eat having apparently worked up an appetite. Once they’re done, May takes their plates into the kitchen. When she comes back to sit down, May tries to give Ben some space, but he puts an arm around her and pulls her to his side. They sit like that until they both fall asleep on the couch.

They wake up when it’s just barely light outside when Ben’s phone alarm goes off.

"I’ve got to go." He looks down at May, her face soft with sleep.

"Alright," she says through a yawn. "I had a really great time last night. Thank you for coming over.

"It was my pleasure," he smiles at her, kissing her on the head before he stands up.

May stands up after him, watching him walk to her bedroom to grab his pants and shoes. She goes to the kitchen to make some coffee as she has to be at Claire’s soon to wake her up for an early appointment. When he comes back in fully dressed, her stomach clenches a little seeing him still wearing her shirt.

"Did you want any coffee before you go?"

"I’ll grab some on the way, thank you though." Ben walks up to May and stands close. He places his hand on the side of her face and she looks up into his eyes. "May…"

"It’s okay, Ben. This doesn’t have to be anything." Ben looks hesitant, regretful, but she can’t stand to have him think of her as a regret. "It’s fine. Honestly, I had a bad day yesterday and you made it better. Thank you. If you want to keep in touch, I would love that, but it’s not necessary."

Benedict leans in and gives her a kiss on the lips. “I guess I’ll see you around then.”

"Goodbye, Ben." She squeezes his hand and then lets it go, and he leaves.


	9. Ribs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**We can talk it so good.**   
**We can make it so divine.**   
**We can talk it good**   
**How you wish it would be all the time.**   
_Lorde - Ribs_

"Why are you walking funny?" Claire asks on their way out of the hair salon. Claire's new role required dark brown hair rather than her usual red.

"I'm not walking funny," May says distractedly, checking her phone. She almost runs into her car when she sees that the vibration of her phone was a text from Ben.

"You ARE walking funny. You look like you've been riding a horse."

"What are you talking about?" She looks up from her phone to see Claire staring at her with an expectant look on her face.

"Who texted you? What's going on? Why are you acting weird?" Claire says all of this in a high pitched and accusatory voice, sounding very much like her mother. May chooses not to say this out loud.

"Get in the car, Claire. We have to meet Rhonda for lunch and we're running late." May gets into the driver's side and starts the car. Claire sits dramatically in the passenger seat, sighing loudly and whining about how May never tells her anything.

May starts driving. "If you must know, the text was from Benedict."

"You had sex with him!"

"What?!"

"That's why you're walking funny! That's your sex walk!"

"I do NOT have a sex walk-" May interrupts indignantly.

Claire continues as if she didn't hear her. "I didn't recognize it because it's been so long since I've seen it! May Winifred Bell you had better tell me EVERYTHING!" Claire begins bouncing and clapping in her seat.

"Ugh, fine," May whines, but she's smiling. "He called last night and wanted to come over because he's leaving today and wanted to see me again."

"Oooooh he wanted to SEE you! May!" Claire squeals and hits May on the arm.

"Ow! Calm down! Anyways, he came over and brought dinner and we ate. THEN I went to put the food up in the kitchen and he followed me and he kissed me -"

"He KISSED you! What was it like? Is he a good kisser?"

"Very good, now stop interrupting me." May acts annoyed but it's been a long time since she's been able to be giddy about a boy with her best friend. "So, he kisses me and then we go watch 'Lord of the Rings' and -"

"May, Jesus Christ! You did NOT watch Lord of the Rings with him..."

"What did I just say?! I gave him options, he picked that. Anyway! So we're watching the movie and then we start kissing again and I offer to give him a tour of my place and -"

"Oh, a tour of your place, huh? More like a tour of your -"

"AND," May says loudly, drowning out whatever Claire was saying, "he kissed me in every room that I showed him. God, I was so turned on, Claire, I could have just slid into my room."

"Ahhh, gross! And then what happened?"

"So we get into my room and he sees the shrine."

"Fuck! I forgot about the shrine! Claire you really need to chill with all of that, especially if you're going to have sexy famous men in your room."

"He was fine with it! At least he said he was! He joked about it and it was all in good fun. Anyways - then we start kissing and then he um... went downtown. And it was amazing, honestly best orgasm of my life!"

"May! Oh my God!! Then what!?!"

"Then we had sex and he talks dirty and I died! I've never been with a guy who talks during sex!"

"What did he say!?" Claire asks, giggling excitedly.

"I'm not telling you, but it was good."

"So now what? Are you dating him?"

"No, it was just a one night deal."

"May." Claire looks at May with her eyebrows raised.

"It's fine! It's fine." She looks over at Claire who is still giving her the same look. "Yes, I like him, but last night was just a good time. I'll be fine. Besides, I'll probably never see him again so I'm sure whatever feelings I may feel will go away."

"Okay," Claire says, obviously unconvinced.

"Okay," May responds in a mocking voice.

"What did the text say?"

"It just said that he boarded his plane. And there was a smiley face."

"May, are you blushing?!"

"No, it's hot as shit outside in case you haven't noticed." She was blushing but would never admit that to Claire.

Claire sighs and looks down at her phone. "Oh shit, Rhonda has to cancel. Ooooh, May let's go shopping! I need some street clothes for Nashville!"

"Why do you need street clothes for Nashville?"

"May Bell!"

"Fine, we'll go." May says begrudgingly even though she's actually excited to go shopping with Claire. It's been all work with her lately and she was looking forward to a day of having her best friend, not her boss, around.

...

A Week Later  
...

May is getting ready for an appointment with Claire's publicist when her phone goes off. She finishes applying her mascara and grabs her phone to see Ben's name come up on the screen.

"Hey!"

"Hello! How are you today?"

"I'm good. I'm getting ready to meet Claire's publicist for lunch. I'm going to be 'handling' her while we're in Nashville and he's going to give me a run down of what needs to be done. I'm looking forward to telling Claire what to do, to be honest."

Ben laughs. "That's actually what I called to talk to you about! I..." May hears someone talking to Benedict, and then hears Ben responding in annoyance. "Ahh, can I call you back? I've got to deal with something."

"That's fine! If I don't answer it's because I'm in a meeting. Or doing something cool and important."

"Of course." May can hear the smile in Ben's voice. "Laters."

...

"It's really very straight forward. Just try and help her keep a low profile. Get her out, but don't let her go crazy. She's still wanting to keep her sexuality under wraps so if she has any dalliances while she's there, try and keep them behind closed doors and with someone discreet," Joe says matter-of-factly while placing papers in a folder for May. "If you have any trouble or have any questions please call me and I can have someone sent out immediately."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm with her all the time when we're on location so I should be able to handle it, but I promise I'll call if something happens." May takes the folder, puts it in her bag, and drinks the last of her water. "I doubt there will be that much fanfare. Not as much as here, anyway."

"I wouldn't be so sure, they've just announced the male lead and he's constantly hounded by the paparazzi."

Just as May starts to ask who got cast, Joe's phone rings. "I have to take this May. They know to put this on my tab. I'll call you before you head East."

"Thanks, Joe." May smiles at him as he leaves. She grabs her things and heads out to her car.

 

...

 

May was taking her makeup off when her phone buzzed from the same spot it was in this morning. She picks it up to see Ben's name flashing on the screen, but before she can answer it she hears someone knocking. She answers the call anyway and heads to the front door to answer it as well.

"Hey!"

"Sorry it took me so long to call you back, it's been insane today."

"It's totally fine. What's up?" May looks through her peep hole to see Claire waiting.

"Well, I've got some news."

"Oh yeah? Hey, hold on." May opens the door and Claire charges in. "Won't you come in, Claire?"

Claire goes straight to May's couch and flops down. "I have news!"

"Claire has news too," May says bemusedly to Ben while sitting next to Claire's feet on the couch.

"Who are you talking to?" Claire asks curiously.

"It's Benedict." Claire's eyes widen and May isn't sure if she's confused or not. "Cumberbatch?"

"So formal," Ben says at the same time as Claire says...

"Obviously. You've only fucked one Benedict that I know of."

"ANYWAYS," May punches her in the leg and prays Ben didn't hear her. "What's your news, Ben? You got to me first."

"Well, it's probably the same news Claire has. I got the part I was in town for last week!"

"Oh, that's great! Congratulations, I told you you'd get it!"

"Thank you! So, the movie just so happens to be the same movie Claire is in." Ben continues explaining that he's going to be the male lead and May looks at Claire, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "May?"

"Yeah, sorry, that's great! You'll love Nashville, it's a great town," May says while she's slapping at Claire in alarm.

"I'm really looking forward to it! Since you've got company I'll let you go, I just wanted to let you know!"

"Thanks, Ben. I'm really happy for you!"

"Cheers! Talk to you soon." The line goes dead.

May flops over on Claire and throws her phone on the coffee table.

"That's what I came to tell you."

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine, really. It's going to be fine! Benedict Cumberbatch is a big name right now, he'll bring a lot of publicity to the movie! And he's a great actor and you're going to be amazing, Claire, really! This is going to be so great for you! I talked to your publicist today, and he gave me some pointers on keeping you contained and basically as long as I keep you from going down on girls in the street then we'll be copacetic..." May rambles.

Claire sits up and puts her hand over May's mouth. "Are you okay? How are you feeling about this? What are you thinking?"

May takes a deep breath and thinks carefully about her answer. "I'm okay, really. I'm just a bit shocked. Perhaps I have a crush on him, a tiny little one. I mean, he's beautiful, of course I do. But I'll be fine, Claire. This is such a big deal for you, I'll be professional and it'll be fine."

"You do know that I'd leave this film in a second if it was going to mess you up in any way."

May smiles at her best friend and hugs her tightly. "I know you would. I love you so much, Claire."

"I love you too, May Bell. Now," she says, pulling away from their embrace. "What was this about me going down on girls in the street?"


	10. Often It's Hard Just To Sweet Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all!!! (Also, I imagine Perry to look like Clark Gregg. You can imagine him how you want though :))

_Now, I can see how_   
_We were like dust on the window_   
_Not much, Not a lot_   
_Everything stolen or borrowed_   
**Lorelai - Fleet Foxes**

New York City  
Present Day

Claire, May, and Joe climb out of the car in front of 30 Rockefeller Center. There are photographers and fans waiting outside, snapping pictures and yelling for Claire to look their way.

Claire is in her element in front of a camera. She smiles, flirts, and jokes, signs their pictures and they eat it up like always. May smiles in pride watching her friend as she holds the door open and waits for Joe to corral Claire into the building. Claire waves goodbye to the paparazzi and fans and goes inside.

It's been a while since May has been here and though the last time she was here was stressful she misses the energy of the city.

...

New York City  
Two Years and Six Months Ago

May looked on in shock after the presentation was over and the crowd had left the room. Her mentor and boss, Perry, looked at her with bemusement.

"May, you do realize your failure to keep things from being personal is going to hold you back," Perry said as he clapped her on the shoulder. "I've told you a hundred times if I've told you once, these people aren't your family. They are your competition. They are dollar signs. You have got to stop treating them like they're friends and family."

"So we're just supposed to let the entirety of our IT team go so that we can bonus this year? Do you realize how horrible that sounds? We make six figures! How in Christ's name can I just shoot a memo downstairs and say 'Oh hey, you're all being laid off! We're giving your jobs to people overseas who don't ask for as much money, you greedy assholes! Merry Christmas!' I think I'm going to be sick."

"You'll be fine, May. You can't act like a woman in this industry. You are not their mother! What happened to the hungry girl that came into my office demanding a job? She would have done anything to make it. This is the price we pay to be successful."

"I'm not sure I can be in this industry anymore."

"You'll feel better when we eat. I'll take you to The Rainbow Room. You'll love it."

"Yes sir." May had told herself she would be different, that she would carve a name out for herself in this company and show everyone that there was a better way of doing things. But after today May realizes that nothing will ever change, she is pointless, everyone is pointless when held up next to the almighty dollar.

"Don't call me 'Sir,' it makes me feel old." Perry took May's hand as she stood which softened her demeanor.

"You ARE old, and I thought you liked it when I called you 'sir,' sir," May said with a wink.

...

New York City  
Present Day

The Tonight Show was amazing. Claire won the crowd over completely. She and Jimmy played off each other perfectly. May and Joe were waiting for Claire in her dressing room when she burst in, grinning from ear to ear.

"Claire!" May runs and hugs her best friend hard around her waist. "I can't believe you were just on The Tonight Show! You were hilarious! I'm so proud of you!"

"You did amazing, Claire. This is huge for you," Joe says matter-of-factly as he types something into his phone.

"You guys really think I did okay?" Claire asks, still grinning, knowing she did fantastic but loving to hear the praise.

"More than okay! You were so charming and so cute! Everyone loved you!" May couldn't stop grinning either.

"Alright ladies," Joe says, standing up and pulling Claire into a one armed hug. "I've got to take the red eye back to Los Angeles. Another client needs me. You're both flying back tomorrow night, correct?"

"Yep," May says, checking their schedule on her phone. "We fly out of JFK at 8 p.m. I've got a driver sorted out."

"Great, I'll see you two when you get back." He pulls May into a hug before he leaves, shutting the door gently.

May looks over at Claire who is texting someone. "So, we've got the rest of the night! What do you want to do?"

"Um, actually I just got a text from Abigail. She's in town with her drama company and wants to take me out to dinner..." Claire looks at May warily.

"Who's Abigail?"

"This girl I've been seeing for a couple months."

"A couple months! You didn't think to tell me about her?"

"It's nothing serious! We're just hanging out, it's not a big deal."

"Okay, well that's fine. I'll just go relax in the hotel."

...

Three Months Later  
Nashville, Tennessee

May and Claire arrived in Nashville this morning. Filming was to begin a week from now, giving the cast time to settle into their surroundings. May has already unpacked her things and is now working on getting Claire's room organized.

"We're having a big get together with the cast in a little bit," Claire says as she sweeps into her designated bedroom and watches May transfer her clothes from the suitcase to the closet.

"That'll be nice. Where are you guys going?"

"Oh, some restaurant. You could probably come if you want."

"I'll be fine here. I have a lot of unpacking to do between my two suitcases and your twenty," May says as she throws a hanger at Claire from across the room.

"Hey! You're technically my PR rep here, so if I look good, you look good." Claire flips her hair dramatically and walks back out.

May thinks about Ben as she's arranging Claire's clothes by color. They have kept in touch quite a bit since she last saw him, but he never mentioned that night and May followed suit. She has decided that she's going to be professional with him from now on. Of course they can be friendly, but she won't pursue a relationship with him. It has never ever worked out for her when she's mixed business with pleasure.

...

Two Years Ago  
Nashville, Tennessee

"I can't do this anymore Perry."

"It'll be fine! You're overreacting! What would you even do?" Perry asks half flippant, half anxious.

"My friend Claire has hired me to be her PA. I leave for California tomorrow." May looks away at the look on Perry's face.

May had never seen Perry this angry, not even when May warned the entire IT department that they were getting laid off. Of course he had been upset then, but he had forgiven her, and held her when she cried. She was not to be comforted on this day.

"I thought you were smarter than this. I thought you were stronger. It's what attracted me to you in the first place." Perry paces around May's apartment with his hands on his hips. "If you leave, you won't come back. I'll make sure of it."

May's eyes brim with tears but she refuses to let them fall, at least not until he leaves. "Perry, please, I'm sorry. I just can't do this. I'm not cut out for it. I thought I was, I thought I could handle it. Please don't be angry with me."

"Angry? I'm not angry with you. I'm disappointed that you turned out to be exactly what I thought you were: a little girl." Perry grabs his suit jacket and puts it on. "I need to know, May. Did you ever care about me? Was I ever more than a means to an end to you?"

May becomes hysterical at the assumption. "How can you say that? Of course I did! I do! But this isn't what I wanted for my life! I feel so empty, so evil. Please. Please don't hate me. Don't think I didn't care."

Perry looks at his now ex-lover in pity. He steps close to her. She flinches away in fear and watches the hurt spread across his face.

"I'm so sorry, Perry. I'm so sorry."

Perry kisses her on the head. "Goodbye May." He walks out of the kitchen, towards the front door, and then he is gone.

...

Present Day  
Nashville, Tennessee

"Benedict asked where you were tonight."

"Hmmm. Did you guys have a good time? What are your other cast mates like?" May says, careful to hide any true emotions she feels at hearing Ben asked about her, as she flips through the channels on the television in the living room.

"Everyone was really friendly. The kids were cute and funny."

"They'd have to be. I can't imagine people would want to watch a movie where annoying, un-cute kids get kidnapped." May is still flipping through the channels, answering Claire's questions noncommittally.

"No, I suppose not. Well, I'm exhausted. I'm going to go to bed. What time do I need to set my alarm for?" Claire asks, seeing that she's not going to be able to engage her friend in conversation tonight.

"I already set it for you. You've got to be at the gym for training at 6 a.m. so I set your clock for 5 a.m."

"Ugh, so early."

"That's the price you pay to be an action star." May finally looks up at her friend and smiles. "I'll be there with you. I'm actually excited to watch you suffer for your craft." May winks at Claire and she scoffs.

"I bet you are. Night, MayBell."

"Night Claire."

Once Claire leaves the room, May pulls her cellphone out from under the pillow next to her and reads his text again.

I missed you tonight. I thought you'd come. Will I see you tomorrow? - Bx

She tries not to feel anything upon seeing that he missed her, knowing that it is likely friendliness on his part. She responds:

Was busy unpacking. I'll be at stunt training tomorrow morning with Claire. - M.W.B.

He must be right next to his phone because he responds immediately.

I'll be there too. See you in the AM. - Bx

"Stupid sexy British man." May mumbles to herself as she tosses her phone across the couch.


	11. Until It's Time For You To Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW! Also - it's my birthday! WOO!!

_You could have stayed outside my heart but in you came_   
_And here you'll stay until it's time for you to go._   
**Michael Blessing - Until It's Time For You To Go**

May and Claire arrived at the gym fifteen minutes early. Claire's trainer, Mark, was ready for her as soon as she got there. They were lead to a big open room filled with mats and mirrors. Mark lead May to an office behind one of the mirrors.

"May, was it?" Mark held out his hand to shake which May did.

"Yes, and you're Mark." May shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you. Thank you for letting me use your office. I've got some things I need to take care of."

"You're so welcome!" he said in a bright southern accent. "If you need anything just let me know. We've got a smoothie bar here -- if you'd like one of my staff to bring you one just press this button," Mark leaned over, pointing to an orange button on his phone, "and let them know what you want." 

"Will do. Thanks Mark." May smiles at him as he walks out of the office.

An hour passes by before May realizes that Claire isn't the only one being trained in front of her. For the first fifteen minutes she would look up and snicker at Claire sprinting across the large room. After that she had been so focused on setting up schedules and appointments that she didn't think to look up to see if Benedict had arrived.

Thank goodness she hadn't because if she had she wouldn't have gotten anything done. She silently thanked God for the two way mirror so that she could stare without him noticing. He was wearing a pair of sweat shorts and a white tank top. The muscles she had licked months prior have only gotten more defined. May subconsciously licks her lips, remembering what he tasted like when someone behind her clears their throat and causes her to almost fall out of her chair.

"Whatcha doin'?" Claire asks with the world's largest smirk on her face.

"Working." May starts shuffling some papers and clicking around on her computer.

"Working? It looked like you were drooling over Benedict."

"Well you need to get your eyes checked then because I wasn't. I am hungry though. I think I'm going to have them bring me a smoothie. Are you hungry? Do you want one? Are you allowed to have one right now? Will you puke everywhere if you eat anything?" May rambles off in a high pitched voice.

"May, calm down. Your secret is safe with me." Claire kisses the top of May's head and walks out of the office.

May throws her head back and sighs loudly once Claire shuts the door. "I hate everything," she mumbles to herself as she picks up the phone and presses the button Mark showed her. Perhaps a nice cold smoothie would calm her down.

May was hard at work trying to figure out what Claire had done to her bank account when a voice brought her back to reality.

"I've a delivery for Miss May Bell."

May looked behind her and had to bite her cheek to keep from letting out a shuddering breath. Ben stood behind her, looking like a marble statue, holding her smoothie out to her while sipping on his own.

"Thanks," May said as she took the smoothie from him. Her voice came out a lot more high pitched than usual so she cleared her throat before she spoke again. "I wasn't aware that part of your training was to deliver smoothies."

"I offered," Ben said, smiling at her. "I was wondering where you were and Claire told me you were behind the mirror. I thought perhaps she was putting me on but here you are."

"Here I am. It's nice to see you again. I'd hug you but I don't want to be your towel." May chuckles but thinks to herself that she would love very much to be his towel.

"Ah, yes. And speaking of, it's time for me to get back. We'll have to get together soon."

"Of course. You've got my number," May says as she smiles brightly. Ben squeezes her shoulder and leaves the room. May holds her smile until the door closes, looks back darkly at her computer screen and begins muttering to herself. "Be strong." May looks back up to see Ben doing push ups in a handstand. "Goddammit."

...

Training went on for the next two weeks and May made sure she had somewhere else to be after she dropped Claire off at the gym. When she came to pick her up, Ben would always be waiting with Claire and May would hurry her along so that they could make it to whatever appointment May had set up for that day. She was always cordial to Ben but she found that the less she saw him the easier it was for her to forget him.

The time has finally come to start principal photography which means that there is no way she can get out of being around Ben as Claire has dire need of her on set.

To keep herself busy and away from Benedict, May completely dotes on Claire. She always has her coffee ready for her, her trailer set up just the way she likes it, and her favorite foods from craft services waiting for her when she gets back from filming. She makes sure the cleaning service has their rented home cleaned to Claire's specifications so that when they get home she can relax. Claire loves all the extra attention to detail and constantly praises May for all her hard work for the first week.

By the second week of filming May is already tired of catering to all the seemingly meaningless details of Claire's needs. Furthermore, Claire has stopped being amazed at all the extra work May has put in and begins to expect that all these things should happen all of the time. She tells May so when they get home from a long day of filming and begins griping that the house is in a shambles.

"This place looks a mess, May! The dishwasher hasn't been run, there are clothes all over the floor in my room, my bed isn't made! What the hell does the house keeper even do?" Claire storms through the house trying to find more things wrong.

May takes a deep breath, trying to keep her cool but she is barely able to keep her voice from shaking. "She wasn't able to come today. She had a family emergency."

"What kind of emergency! She probably just didn't feel like getting out of bed! What are we even paying her for?" Claire rages, throwing her clothes across the room. May tries to remain calm knowing that Claire is prone to emotional outbursts, especially when she is somewhere unfamiliar.

"I don't know, I didn't ask."

"What do you mean, you didn't ask!? That's your JOB! Your job is to make sure I'm happy! And I'm not happy right now! MAY! Where are you going?!"

May can't tell Claire about the stress she feels at being back in Nashville. She never told anyone about Perry and the exact reasons she left because she didn't want Claire to think she was weak. She can't tell her that her feelings for Ben are overwhelming her. May doesn't want to ruin this opportunity for Claire just because she's having a hard time. So May grabs her purse and heads for the door. "I need to get something from the store."

"Well if you're going to the store can you --" Claire calls out but May has already shut the door. She gets into her rented car and drives to the nearest bar.

May is on her third whiskey sour when someone sits down next to her.

"Of all the gin joints in all the world, she walks into mine."

May turns to see Benedict looking more handsome than he has any right to.

"Technically, I was here first," May drawls, already feeling the effects of the alcohol she's consumed. "You walked into my gin joint."

"Indeed I did. I'll have what she's having," he says to the man behind the bar. He looks back at May. "So, what brings you here alone?"

"Bad day."

"Ah." The bartender sets a napkin and a whiskey in front of Ben. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No point, really. I'll be fine. What brings you here all alone?" May asks while trying to get the attention of the man behind the bar before he leaves. "Can I get another, please?"

"Bad day," Ben says with a smirk before he downs his entire drink. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Yes." May leaves enough money for both of their drinks and Ben takes her hand and leads her out of the bar.

"My hotel is just around the corner," Ben says as he lets go of her hand and puts his arm around her. There is a damp November chill in the air tonight, and May allows herself to enjoy the warmth she finds pressed against him as they walk in the orange glow of the street lights.

Ben leads her into a hotel lobby. There are two winding staircases that lead up to the third story and two glass elevators between them. Ben leads her past a tinkling self-playing piano and into an elevator. He presses the button for his floor and the elevator dings and starts to rise. After what seems like no time at all, the doors open to let them out on Ben's floor.

"I'm a few doors down this way," Ben says, letting May out of the elevator first. He follows and walks beside her, stopping at his door. "This is me."

May taps her foot and tries to look anywhere but at him. She knows she shouldn't be here, she shouldn't have come back with him but she's drunk and she can't help herself. She watches Ben pull out his wallet, remove the room key, and open the door.

May walks in first and Ben follows her, shutting the door behind him. As soon as he turns around they embrace, their lips crashing together like magnets. They both moan into the other's mouth as Ben lifts May so that her legs are around his hips, her core pressing against him. He walks them to the bedroom and sits on the bed, May still wrapped around him, kissing and biting his neck.

"May," Ben says breathily, trying to get her attention. She continues her assault on his neck. "May."

"Hmm?" is all she can get out. If she stops she'll think.

"Have you been avoiding me?"

'Dammit,' she thinks as she pulls back from him. "No." She puts her head back down and kisses his neck softly and mumbles "Maybe."

"May."

She sighs and rests her head on his shoulder. "Yes." May doesn't know what prompted her to tell him this and she immediately regrets it. Everything she's been trying not to think about starts bubbling to the surface.

Ben leans back, trying to get her to look at him. She lifts her head and looks fully at his face for the first time tonight. He smiles at her and gently puts a hand in her hair, guiding her face to his for a soft kiss.

"Why have you been avoiding me, May? Was it something I did?"

May is struck by the earnestness in his features and the caring tone in his voice. She looks him in the eye and bites her lip to keep it from wobbling. She comes so close to telling him everything about Perry, never having said it out loud to anyone. About how terrified she is to be back here, how scared she is that she may be falling for him, how she feels like her job with Claire is causing them to grow apart as friends. These things speed through her mind and perhaps Ben can see it in her eyes that it's all too much to talk about right now so he kisses her. She pulls back again and looks him in the eyes once more.

"Thank you," she whispers.

Ben gives her a comforting smile and it almost makes May feel safe. 

Things are less frantic now and Ben kisses her slowly, his hands softly caressing her sides. She kisses him tenderly back, enjoying his warm lips on hers. His hands start to move up the sides of her shirt and she lifts her arms to allow him to remove it. Once her shirt is tossed to the floor, he looks back up at her.

May is almost bashful now, their previous romp fueled by hormones, while this one feels like something more. There was an unspoken understanding between them now - he didn't run when May couldn't explain her feelings and maybe that means he feels something too. May decides to let herself believe it for now.

Ben reaches around her to unclasp her bra and softly pulls it off her arms. 

"Gorgeous," he breathes as he leans in to take a nipple into his mouth. May's breath hitches immediately and her hand goes into his hair, keeping him pressed to her. She glances down to watch him. He must sense this because his eyes open, meeting her own.

He holds her gaze as he sucks, licks, and tugs on her nipple, biting lightly with his teeth.

"Oh Ben." She scratches at his scalp with her fingers and his eyes close again as he switches to the other breast. Eventually she stops him by tugging back gently on his hair. He looks up at her, a question in his eyes and she reaches to tug his shirt off. He lifts his arms like she did and when Ben's shirt joins May's, her hands are on him immediately. Her mouth slightly parted, she trails her hands down the center of his pecs, down his abdomen, and to his belt. She looks up at Ben to see him watching her hands. She decides to tell him some of the things she's thinking. "I feel creepy saying this but I watched you through the mirror that first day of training. Your body is gorgeous. Maybe I swooned a little."

"You swooned?" Ben asks, a mixture of bashfulness and amusement.

"A little." May grins genuinely for the fist time tonight. "Who wouldn't? Have you seen yourself wet and sweaty?"

"I wasn't aware I was having any sort of effect on you at all." Although he says it with a joking tone she can still hear some uncertainty.

"Perhaps some of Claire's acting abilities have rubbed off on me."

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps you can rub off on me and stop asking me questions that are hard to answer?"

"Perhaps," Ben says with a smirk. May can tell that he wants to press it more but he pulls her back into a kiss and she is thankful that he's satisfied with what she's given him for now.

Ben turns them over and gently guides May to the top of his bed, resting her head on the soft pillows there. Once they're comfortable, Ben rests his elbows on either side of her head. May's arms wrap around his neck and her chest slowly arches into his every time their tongues touch.

Ben brings up a hand to smooth down her chest, over to her side, and down to the button of her pants. He undoes them with one hand and slides it into her panties. He presses into her slit with his middle fingers, groaning when he feels how wet she is. He begins to rub around her opening and maneuvers himself so that he can use his thumb to tease her clit.

May breaks away from the kiss to let out a moan and his lips go directly to her neck. "Ohhh, Ben. You have fuuucking amazing fingers. It's like they were -- ahh--made to be on me, to f-f-feel me."

Ben purrs into her neck while rising up on his knees and slips the two fingers that are teasing her opening inside of her. May arches off the bed, pressing herself harder onto his hand.

"Oh, Ben, oh oh oh," May says as he crooks his fingers inside of her.

"Mmmm, yes that feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah.. yeahhhh.. YES!" May can feel an orgasm start in her belly as Ben starts moving his hand faster. He comes back up from her neck to watch her.

"Look at me," Ben says, hovering over her face. May opens her eyes, looking into his just as her orgasm begins creep into the rest of her body like a heavy fog. Ben watches her with his mouth open slightly and his eyes hooded.

"I love feeling you squeeze around my fingers. I love feeling what I can do to you, how I can make you feel," Ben says slowly, his voice low and gravelly with lust.

Another orgasm takes May before the last one fades completely, making her hold on to Ben tightly while whimpering.

"Oh, May, you're gorgeous when you come." He holds her until she comes down, then removes his fingers, bringing them up to his mouth and sucking them clean while May catches her breath.

"Christ," May says, half laughing.

"I really do try," Ben says as he kisses both of her cheeks and then her lips.

"My turn," May says mischievously, pushing him onto his back. She unbuckles his belt, unbuttons his pants, and crawls backwards off of the bed to pull them off with his underwear. She stands in front of the bed to take off her own pants. Watching her, Ben takes his dick and strokes it slowly.

"Fuck, that's hot," May says as she crawls up his body, taking her time kissing and caressing every inch.

"Yeah?"

"And your thighs, Ben. You've got amazing thighs. Strong." She kisses up the inside of his right thigh. "Thick." She licks up the inside of the left. "Amazing." She continues crawling up his body, moving his hand away from his cock, and stopping when her legs are straddling his hips.

"But I think the sexiest thing about you, besides your face, and your intellect of course," she adds, winking at him while moving to hover her center right over his dick, "is your big, beautiful, and thick cock."

"Christ, May." Ben runs his hands up her thighs, squeezing roughly.

"The first time I felt it inside me I thought I was going to instantly come undone." May swivels her hips so that her wet pussy slides against him just so. "Just thinking about it is enough to get me wet." She places her hands on either side of his head and leans forward to kiss him.

Ben grabs her face and kisses her hard. She moans into his mouth and when she pulls back she drags her hands back along his chest and stops at his hips. She lifts herself up, uses a hand to hold him steady and drops down while they both watch him slowly disappear inside of her.

"Your pussy looks amazing wrapped around my cock. Fuck, baby." Ben moves his hands to her hips and sits up so he can be at eye level with her tits.

May grips his broad shoulders, using them for leverage as she rides him. Ben's lips work their way across her breasts trying to coax more sounds from her. They work together to bring as much pleasure to the other as possible, their moves are purposeful and passionate. 

'This is more than fucking,' May thinks to herself as she feels Ben begin to stiffen, signaling his orgasm. 'This has got to be more.' She feels another orgasm bubbling up inside her but she holds off until his arrives. As he whispers her name over and over, she lets herself fall with him. 'Yes,' thinks May. 'This is more.'

Later, as Ben lay softly snoring next to May she decides it's time for her to go. She gently moves from under Ben's arm and kisses him lightly on the shoulder before she gets up and gets dressed. She goes to sit on the bed, her back to Benedict, looking out of his hotel window.

"I like you," she whispers. She turns around to make sure he's still sleeping and continues. "Like, I really like you. I tried not to. I'm still trying not to. But I wanted you to know."

With that, she gets up and walks out the door, shutting it softly, not noticing the sleepy smile that spread against Ben's face at her confession.


	12. Keep Yourself Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly smut-ish. It's a small paragraph but it's there. Thank you for your kudos and your comments! They are always extremely appreciated. There's always a bit of flailing when I get an e-mail from ao3. Anyway! I hope you all enjoy!

_And the room fills with steam_   
_Oh, evaporates. Disappears._   
_My point of entry is the same way that I leave._   
**Keep Yourself Warm - Frightened Rabbit**

 

As soon as May arrives home Claire is at the door pulling her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry May! I was such a bitch! You don't deserve to be talked to like that!"

May returns the hug. "No I don't, but I know you're stressed out. This is a big deal for you. I'm sorry I walked out."

"I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to walk out. I have no right to treat you like that, regardless of stress or anything!" Claire finally lets go of May, pulls back, and looks her in the eye. "Do you forgive me May-may?"

May smiles and hugs Claire again. "Of course I do, Claire. I love you. Now you need to go to bed because you've got an early call time."

"I know, I'm exhausted. I was waiting for you to get home before I went to bed." Claire starts walking toward her bedroom.

May follows her to her own bedroom. "I'm sorry I stayed out so late."

"Where did you even go?"

"I just, um, drove around. And thought about things. You know, nostalgia and all that."

"I always forget that you used to live here! I'm so used to you being with me that I forget you had this whole entire life before you came out to California." Claire leans on the door frame leading into her bedroom.

"I do too. Good night Claire. I'll see you in the morning. Love you."

"I love you too, May. Thank you forgiving me."

"Thank you for being easy to forgive."

With that, they both walk into their rooms and close their doors.

...

 

The next day at work is insanely busy. Claire seems to be in every single scene which keeps both of them insanely busy. Of course there are upsides to this. For one, it keeps May so busy that she isn't able to focus on the pending conversation between herself and Ben about the night before. For another, Ben is in every scene Claire is so May gets to stare at him all day without being caught. There are a few times that they catch each other's eye and Ben winks at her.

Claire and Ben are finally given a break around 5pm. May bribes a young production assistant to give Claire a ride back to her trailer. Claire immediately collapses into the golf cart.

"I'm going to take a nap, May. Do you mind?"

"Of course not! I've got some things to do anyway. If you need me to grab you anything just text me, alright?"

"Sure thing, Maybell," Claire says sleepily as the cart drives off.

May goes back to where she was watching the filming to grab her bag. She sees Ben talking to the director a few yards away. She fights with herself over whether she should linger for a moment to see if he would come talk to her or whether she should stop being a ridiculous girl and get her stuff and leave. Half way between deciding Ben starts walking toward her and she decides last minute that running away was a better idea.

"May! Wait up!" Ben calls, half jogging toward her.

"Dammit," May whispers to herself as she stops and slowly turns around and smiles.

"Hey! You guys have been doing great today!"

"Thanks! I've got to say, though, all that running has me starved. Want to grab a bite to eat together?" Ben puts his arm around her and they start walking to the cast trailers.

"I'd love to, but I'm craving barbeque. Do you have time to grab something off set?" 'Please say no,' May thinks to herself. 'Please say yes,' she thinks too, for good measure.

Ben looks at his watch. "I've got an hour. Is that enough time?"

"If I'm driving, yes."

"Great!" Ben stops them in front of his trailer. "Want to come in?"

"Sure," May says brightly and follows him up the stairs. Once they're inside, May is instantly drawn to the pictures he has on his mirror.

"Are these your parents?" May asks, looking at a picture of an older man and woman flanking him. Ben has an arm around both of them and they're all grinning.

"Yes, that's my mum and dad." He smiles as he watches May looking at his other pictures.

"Your parents are gorgeous! Are they actors too?" May asks, moving on to scattered pictures of children.

"They are actually! They played my parents in the last season of Sherlock."

May turns to face Ben. "Those were your parents! I didn't even realize! I thought they looked familiar in the picture but I didn't want you to think I was creeping around fandom websites or something! Anyway - who are all of these cute babies?"

Ben goes through each picture of his godchildren, and May 'oohs' and 'awws' as he shares their names and ages.

"I love kids," May says reverently, hugging one of the frames to her chest. "Of course I'm terrified to have my own but I love other people's children."

"Why are you afraid of having your own?" Ben asks curiously.

"I don't know, what if I'm a horrible mother?"

"You're a great mother to Claire," Ben says with a smirk.

"I suppose you're right." May laughs, then thinks for a moment. "Perhaps with the right guy it wouldn't be so scary. It's been so long since I've had a relationship where the thought of having a baby didn't make my legs immediately clamp shut in fear." May shudders at the thought of her last few relationships actually producing a child.

Ben laughs and looks thoughtfully out of the window. "Yes, I'd like to believe the right person would make it less scary."

May walks closer to him and rubs his arm. "How about that barbecue, Benedict? Have you ever had it before?"

"I have, actually." He says, looking at May and smiling.

"Where from?" May asks skeptically.

"Isn't it just food on a grill?" Ben asks, looking confused.

"Oh my God. Let's go."

"Yes ma'am!"

May drives them to her favorite barbecue place in the city and buys loads of pulled pork, potato salad, baked beans, ribs, and coleslaw at Ben's insistence.

"Why wouldn't you want to get the coleslaw?" Ben asks excitedly.

"Because it's cabbage with mayonnaise on it," May laughs out.

"Why are you laughing?" Ben asks as they walk back to their table.

"Say coleslaw again!"

"Cooooooollleeslaaaawwwww," Ben drags it out, his voice low and May cackles loud enough for the entire restaurant to turn around.

"Oh, God. That's amazing. I could listen to you talk forever." Luckily the food arrives just as she says this so May can change the subject easily. "I'm so excited, I don't know where to start. I miss this place."

Ben takes a bite of the pulled pork and leans back in his chair with his eyes closed. "You always know where the best food is."

"I'm a stress eater. This place got me through a shit load of stress," May says as she takes a giant bite of potato salad. "Oh fuck, I forgot how good this was."

"Pass that over here," Ben says as he grabs for it.

"Eat your coleslaw you had to have!" May says jokingly, sliding the container of potato salad toward him.

Ben grins as he dips his fork into the potatoes. This time when he takes a bite, he leans forward and shakes his head. "Fuck."

"Is that a good 'fuck' or a bad 'fuck?'"

"A very, very good 'fuck,'" Ben says, winking at May.

May blushes again and they continue eating until it's time to go back.

...

The next couple of weeks are more of the same. May and Ben spend their lunch breaks discussing music, movies, dreams, and life in general. The more May knows about Ben the more she grows to care for him. Sometimes Claire will join them in their discussions.

"So, last night I had a dream that Claire was a fox and --"

"Fox as in 'fox-ay' or fox as in an actual furry fox?" Ben interjects.

"An actual fox. Anyway! So she turned into a fox and --" she pauses to swallow, "no one believed me that she wasn't always a fox! And she'd film all her scenes as a fox! What the hell!"

"So she could talk? The fox-Claire could speak?" Ben asks, amused.

"She could. And no one thought it was weird except for me. God knows what it means."

"Do dreams have to mean something?" Ben muses as he takes a bite of his burger.

"Yes. Otherwise what's the point? Get with it, Ben! Honestly." May nudges him with her foot and smiles at him. Ben chuckles in response.

"What are you two talking about?" Claire sighs as she falls dramatically into the seat next to May.

"You were a fox in my dream last night. Get your own!" May exclaimed as Claire digs a fork into May's pile of mashed potatoes.

"I'm always a fox. And I can't get my own because I'm not allowed to eat starches." Claire sits back in her seat and nibbles sadly on a piece of celery. May takes pity on her and spoons the last of her potatoes on Claire's plate.

"Don't tell anyone I did that. You either," May says, pointing at Ben and making a stern face. "Anyways, Claire, you were an ANIMAL fox this time. And you talked and did the movie as a fox."

"Hmmmm," Claire hums over a mouthful of potatoes. "I wonder what that means?"

"Ha!" May throws a dry piece of lettuce over at Ben.

"Ha, what! You've only proved that you and Claire are of a similar mind."

"Whatever. Are you going to finish your carrots?" May asks, already pulling the carrots off of his plate and putting them on Claire's.

"Not that it matters now, but I'm done," Ben says dryly.

"There, carrots are better than celery. You look so sad chewing on that shit, Claire."

"Thanks, May-may. I got here late and all the carrots were gone." Claire glares over at Ben.

"Hey, it's not my fault you were late! Anyway - May, do you have a second? I've got something to give you in my trailer."

"I bet you do," Claire mumbles around her carrot.

"What was that?" May asks Claire, eyebrow cocked.

"Nothing. Just eating my depressing food, minding my own business."

May stands up from the table and steals a carrot from Claire's plate as she protests and then follows Ben to his trailer.

Once they're inside, Ben shuts the door and May immediately pulls him in for a kiss. She's been doing really well to keep her hands off the past couple of weeks but she's been burning to touch him the entire time. Luckily, Ben seems to be feeling the same way as his arms wrap around her and he enthusiastically returns the kiss.

May's tongue licks Ben's lip asking for entrance and he grants it. They both moan around each other's tongues, their hands grabbing at whatever bits of each other they can.

"Mmmpff..." Ben pulls back and May's lips go directly to the sensitive spots on his neck. "I really did -- ahh -- have something to give you."

May stops and steps back from Ben, breathing heavily and blushing furiously. "Sorry. Sorry." She takes a deep breath to steady herself. "What do you have?"

"Oh, fuck it." In one long stride Ben is right in front of May again, grabbing her and lifting her up so that her legs are around his waist and their lips are fighting for dominance once again. He carries her over to a couch and sits down, May straddling his hips.

"We don't have much time," May breathes out as she reaches down to undo Ben's pants.

"I don't think it'll take me long, honestly." Ben looks up at May with an amused sparkle in his eye and she throws her head back and laughs, exhilarated by him.

"Pull your pants down, Ben." May steps off of him and he obeys. She pulls her panties down from under her skirt and leaves them on the floor. She gets back on the couch, her knees on either side of his, hovering over his dick. She puts a hand on the side of his face, keeping his eyes on her own as she glides onto him easily and they both groan.

"Christ May, you're so wet," Ben growls as she begins to move on him.

"It's because I've been thinking about nothing but fucking you for the past two weeks -- ahh, fuck." She cries out and throws her head back as he bites down on her collar bone at her confession.

Ben lifts up the front of her dress and watches himself disappear inside of her and hisses when she adds a swivel to her thrusts. The new rhythm causes him to hit that perfect spot inside of May and when he begins to play with her clit she comes not long after. She falls forward and bites his shoulder to stifle her cries. Ben comes not long afterward, her release giving him the push he needed.

Still inside of her, Ben wraps his arms around May and holds her as they both come down. Once their breathing has returned to normal, he pulls her hair back gently and she comes up to look at him.

"That was nice," May whispers.

"It was," Ben whispers back.

She smiles sweetly and climbs off of him gingerly and he slips out of her. They both sigh at the loss.

"Do you mind if I use your restroom?"

"Be my guest," Ben says brightly as he pulls his pants back up.

As soon as May walks out of the bathroom there's a knock at Ben's trailer door.

"Ben?" Ben's PA's voice comes through the door. "You're wanted on set in five minutes."

"I'll be right there, Sue!" Ben smiles ruefully at May's face.

"Thank God she didn't come in," May whispers. "It smells like sex in here."

Ben laughs. "Mmm, yes it does!" He stands up and looks at May seriously. "So..."

May's stomach flips and she fidgets nervously. "So."

Another knock comes at the door. "Ben, you said you'd fire me if you were late again."

Ben curses quietly and takes May's hand. "We need to talk. I obviously don't have time now but..."

May nods in understanding, unable to speak. Ben pulls her close and kisses her hard on the lips. May feebly returns the kiss and smiles nervously at him as he walks out of the door and starts chatting animatedly to Sue.

...

Three Years Ago  
Nashville, Tennessee  
Perry's Office

May rushes into Perry's office and shuts the door. She runs up to Perry's desk and has to keep control of herself so that she doesn't start jumping up and down.

"Perry! Perry! Oh my God!"

"What is it, May? Are you all right?" Perry comes around his desk and puts a hand on May's shoulder.

"I'm better than all right! I got the promotion! And the RAISE! I can't believe this! I don't even know what to do right now!" May kept her cool all the way through building to Perry's office as she knew her mentor would be the only one who wouldn't judge her giddiness.

Perry smiles warmly at his protege's excitement. "I'm so proud of you, May. You deserve it. You've worked so hard this past year. We're lucky to have you on board."

"You knew! You knew I was going to get it! You let me be nervous for weeks," May says half annoyed, half jubilant.

"Of course I knew! I wanted it to be a surprise," Perry said as he pulls May into a hug.

May returns the hug and revels in the warmth of Perry's arms and the smell of his cologne. "Perry, I couldn't have done this without you."

"Yes, you could have. You're amazing. You'll be taking my job next if I'm not careful."

May laughs and pulls back from the hug, looking into Perry's eyes seriously. "Perry..."

He stares back at her sadly. "May, we can't. I care for you, you know I do. But it's wrong. I'm your boss. If anyone found out it could ruin you."

"I know." May takes a deep breath, steps back, and forces a smile. "I just wanted to tell you the good news and say thanks." She starts to walk out of the room.

"May?"

May turns around to see Perry coming toward her with a strange look on his face. She lifts an eyebrow as he gets closer.

Once he reaches her, Perry grabs her hand and pulls her into his arms. "Fuck it," is all he says as he kisses her for the first time.

...

Present Day  
Nashville, Tennessee  
Ben's Trailer

"What the hell am I doing?" May asks to the empty trailer. She grabs her panties, pulls them back on, and leaves.


	13. Disintegrating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much <3 There's smut in this chapter at the beginning so you're forewarned.

You’ve got a warm heart,  
You’ve got a beautiful brain.  
But it’s disintegrating,  
From all the medicine.  
Daughter - Medicine

Ever since May moved away from home she hasn’t made a big deal out of her birthday. Her life before she came to work for Claire wasn’t conducive to celebrating anything at all, much less something as menial as growing older. Of course she would receive e-mails and texts from family and friends but she would go about her day as she did normally: completely stressed and trying to make a deadline.

In the two years she’s lived in LA, May’s birthday has fallen on a long day of filming for Claire, leaving them both too exhausted to celebrate. It comes as no surprise then that today is May’s birthday and between running after Claire, stressing about seeing old work colleagues, and having sex with Ben whenever they get the chance, she’s completely forgotten about it.

That is until Ben surprises her by knocking on her window this morning. It takes May a moment to realize what’s happening as she’s never had anyone knock on her window before. Once she realizes, she looks wildly on her night stand for something she can stab with. She grabs her “Sting” replica letter opener and creeps to the window. She peeks outside and sees Ben standing there wearing a flat cap, a grey sweater, and holding a white box.

"It’s me!" Ben mouths, waving with his free hand.

May lets out the breath she was holding and opens the window. “Obviously,” she whispers as Ben climbs in the window. “You scared the crap out of me!”

"I’m sorry, I didn’t know if I should knock on the front door. Plus it’s really early." Ben rubs the back of his neck shyly until he sees what’s in May’s hand. "Were you going to stab me with a tiny sword?!"

"It’s a replica of Bilbo’s sword and it’s a letter opener," May says exasperatedly, giving him a hug. "What are you doing here anyways?"

"I’m here because I wanted to be the first one to tell you happy birthday, so happy birthday!" He kisses her on the head and smiles proudly while he holds out the white box to her.

"Oh my God, how did you know it was my birthday? I totally forgot about it," she says taking the box from him and opening it. Inside was a cupcake topped with a fondant Gollum and One Ring. May’s eyes begin to water and she looks up at Ben. "This is beautiful, Ben! Where did you even get this?"

"I know people," Ben says mysteriously, but he can’t help but grin at May’s reaction. "So you like it then?"

"Ben, I love it. This is the most thoughtful thing…" May stops as she feels her voice about to crack. She sits the cupcake on her dresser and wraps her arms around Ben. "Thank you," she says muffled against his sweater.

Ben and May have tried to talk to each other numerous times only to be thwarted by the desire to tear the other’s clothes off. May, being reluctant to talk at all, encouraged this behavior whenever she could. Today is a different matter altogether as she is overcome with emotion at him doing something so kind.

"You’re welcome," Ben says as he backs her to the bed and lays her down. "Now May, I’m going to need you to be very quiet. If you make any noise I’ll have to stop."

May looks at him questioningly until he drops to his knees and smooths his hands up her legs to remove her panties.

"Ben…"

"Shhh," he says with his finger over his mouth. He lifts her legs over his shoulders so that her thighs are on either side of his neck.

May comes up on her elbows and laughs quietly at the look on his face. She pulls his hat off and puts it on herself. He winks at her and begins kissing the inside of her thighs, making his way to her center. When he gets there he licks a line up her slit and blows it with cool air. May fidgets but makes no sound. Ben goes back in, licking and sucking on all the places that he knows drive her crazy.

May’s hips start to come off the bed but Ben brings a hand up and places it on her stomach, keeping her still. He uses his other hand to spread her lips wide, exposing her sex completely. He flattens his tongue against her, drags it slowly up to her clit. He repeats this a few times before he focuses his tongue solely back on her clit and releases her hips, using that hand’s fingers to slip easily inside her.

May has no idea how she’s kept quiet. She’s already fallen off her elbows and has been biting her hand for the past few minutes. She wants nothing more than to grab his hair and scream his name but she doesn’t want him to stop and she doesn’t want Claire to burst in thinking she’s being attacked. Instead, she focuses on the sounds coming from Ben. May doesn’t think there is anything sexier than Ben going down on her, slurping and smacking and moaning against her clit.

She feels her orgasm start to build in her stomach and the hand she isn’t biting shoots to his head and presses him harder against her, riding his tongue through the bursts of pleasure that are pulsing through her body. May is sure she lets out a few soft whines but thankfully Ben doesn’t stop.

Once she’s done, Ben climbs up on top of her, resting his head on her shoulder and wrapping an arm around her.

"Happy birthday May," Ben whispers.

"Mmm, yes. Happy birthday to me." May kisses the top of his head and squeezes him to her.

"I want to take you out on a date," Ben says matter-of-factly.

"What?" May is brought quickly out of her post orgasm bliss at this announcement.

"I want to take you out on a proper date. I love having sex with you very much, I love making you feel good. But I want to take you out somewhere nice, and I want to show you off, and I want to take you to your house and kiss you goodnight." Ben says all of this while his head is still laying on her shoulder so she can’t see his face.

"A date," May repeats, trying to keep herself from grinning and failing miserably.

Ben hears the smile in her voice and raises up to look at her. “You’re smiling,” he says, laughter in his voice.

"It’s a good day," May says, smiling even wider.

"So. A date. Yes. There’s a break in production this weekend. How does Friday night sound? Can I take you to dinner?"

"I would love to go on a date with you, Benedict. Friday is perfect, actually. Claire is flying out to LA and told me to take the weekend off so I took her up on it."

"Wonderful! Wonderful. So."

"So."

"I’ve got to go to the set."

"I’ve got to wake Claire up and get ready to go to the set. I’ll see you there?"

"You will." Ben sits up on the bed and May follows suit. They kiss and May can taste herself on his lips. The kiss quickly turns heated and Ben gives an appreciative moan which turns into a groan when May pulls back.

"You’ve got to go, tardiness isn’t attractive." May stands up.

"So they tell me!" Ben stands up as well and walks to the window.

"You can go out the front door, Ben!"

"Climbing out of the window makes me feel young again," Ben says quietly, lifting the window open.

"How many windows were you climbing out of exactly?" May asks incredulously.

"Wouldn’t you like to know?" He winks at May, kisses her cheek, and climbs out of the open window.

…

No one else on the set remembers May’s birthday, most likely because she didn’t even remember herself. She’s made quite a few friends on set since they’ve started filming and May thinks wistfully of what it would be like to have a party with a bunch of people who are all there to celebrate her growing older. She is shaken out of that fantasy when she hears Claire yelling for her from craft services.

"Maaaaaaaaay! May-May! Hurry up and get in here!"

May rolls her eyes and continues walking at her usual pace. “I’m coming, Claire.” She reaches Claire and pauses at the look on her face. “What are you doing?”

"Nooothing."

"Why is your face weird?" May asks, climbing the steps.

"Thanks, May!"

"You’re making a weird face! You’re still the most beautiful woman in the world."

"That’s better," Claire says as she kisses May on the cheek. "You may enter."

"I don’t think I want to. What did you do?" May bites her lip in worry at what she might find inside.

"Shut up and come inside, loser!"

May relents and goes around Claire to get inside and she is definitely shocked. The room is filled with different colors of balloons and streamers. There is a cake with a picture of May and Claire hugging when they were six, both of them missing their front teeth, and grinning. What looks like the entire crew and most of the actors and extras yells “SURPRISE!” as soon as May walks through the door. She had been to a few birthdays on set since they started filming but never in her wildest dreams did she think someone would actually throw one for her as she wasn’t cast or crew. Her eyes tear up and she covers her mouth and laughs as they all start singing her “Happy Birthday.”

"Oh my God!" she exclaims as they finish. "I can’t believe you guys did this!"

"Of course we did," Cindy from make up says as she hugs May around the neck. "We love you!"

"You guys!" Everyone that May has worked with over the past one and a half months comes up to hug May and wish her well.

Ben and Claire are the last to make it to her. Ben has his arm around Claire and they both look incredibly smug. The two of them have grown closer while filming and it warms May’s heart to see two people she cares about being so friendly.

"I guess I have you to thank for alerting everyone that it’s my birthday, Claire. Hopefully you didn’t tell them how old I am!"

"Of course not! That would mean telling my own age! A lady never tells."

"Wait, I’ve just realized that I don’t know how old either of you are!"

"Good!" May and Claire say in unison.

"That’s unfair. I can just look on IMDB!"

"That wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of you," May says as Claire walks off to get a piece of cake.

Ben leans in, puts a hand gently on her hip and whispers in her ear, “Who said I was a gentlemen?”

If May was not in a room full of people she would jump him right there. Lucky for the crew she refrains and follows Claire to get a piece of cake.

…

After the impromptu party, a few of the single cast and crew head out to a club in downtown Nashville. It’s been so long since May has been dancing that she’s a bit nervous, but after a few drinks she’s feeling pretty free. Claire has adorned her with a birthday crown and a flashing necklace that say “It’s my birthday!” She’s already danced with almost everyone from work and is currently dancing with Claire and Ben in the middle of the dance floor.

"I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dance, May!" Claire shouts over the music.

"I danced at prom!" May laughs out.

"I don’t know what that was at prom but it wasn’t dancing!"

"What was it?" Ben asks as he twirls both the girls at the same time.

"I did interpretive dances to all the songs to try and make my date laugh! He didn’t and then dumped me half way through, but I kept doing it because Claire was getting mad at me for embarrassing her." May chortles at the memory while Claire roles her eyes and Ben laughs at both of them.

May feels her phone vibrate in her back pocket. “Hey, I’m gonna go take this! It’s my mom! I’m going outside but I’ll be right back!” Claire and Ben nod and keep on dancing.

"Hey mom! Hold on, let me get outside!" May makes it out of the door and stands on the sidewalk next to a street light. "Alright, I’m here. What’s up?"

"Happy birthday, May-May!" her mother and father say together over the phone.

"Thanks, guys!"

"What are you doing tonight? Are you out? We heard music," her dad says.

"Yeah, Claire and I came out with some friends from the set. They threw me a surprise party today at work!"

"That’s so sweet," her mom says. "How is Claire doing?"

"She’s good, I can’t wait for y’all to see this movie! She’s amazing in it!"

"She has good help, too!" May’s dad says. "We’re so proud of you both!"

"I miss you both!"

"We miss you too! We hate that we’re so close to you two but we can’t come up! Work is crazy for both of us right now."

"Trust me, I completely understand," May says as her parents laugh.

"Well, we’ll let you get back to your night out! We love you baby doll! Give our love to Claire as well!"

"Love you too!" May says and swipes to hang up. She turns around and promptly runs into someone.

"Oh my God, I’m so sor—" May stops abruptly and her blood runs cold when she looks up into the face of her former boss and lover. "Sorry. Perry, hi."

"Hello, May." He says, his voice lacking emotion.

"THIS is May?" A girl that May didn’t notice to begin with asks incredulously. May wants to ask her what she meant but then she remembers the crown and flashing necklaces she is wearing.

Perry just laughs in response to his friend. “I see you’re still just as immature as I remember. I hope you have a,” he pauses to look her up and down with disdain, “fun evening.” And he and the girl laugh and walk off. Before they turn the corner May hears Perry say, “It’s such a shame, she had such potential.”

May’s stomach completely drops and her eyes well up with shame and embarrassment. Logically she knows she’s happy and that she’s made a decent life for herself, but she doesn’t think she’s ever felt as low in her life as she does right now. Without thinking she tears off the crown and the necklace that she was proud to wear before, leaves them on the ground, and runs as fast as she can in the opposite direction. She doesn’t know where she’s going, she just knows she’s got to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger!


	14. Ultraviolence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mention of suicide attempt (not of any of the main characters). It's very brief but I just wanted to put that out there. Thank you so much for reading!

Jim raised me up.  
He hurt me but it felt like true love.  
Jim taught me that  
Loving him was never enough.  
Ultraviolence - Lana Del Rey

May isn't sure how long she's been sitting here as she feels the tingling in her feet. Instead of standing up she slumps down even more, shifting her weight so that she can feel the blood flowing back into them. The effects of the alcohol she's consumed tonight started wearing off as soon as she got here, letting the pain of the confrontation with Perry sink its claws deeper into her mind.

The tears that had violently and physically forced their way out of her body as she ran have begun instead to leak out in a steady stream, warmly and gently licking her face. She isn't sure why exactly she felt the need to run, and why she chose to come here instead of brushing it off and going back inside like she had done so many times before.

She wonders if they're looking for her, Ben and Claire, or if they're still dancing and laughing, celebrating a person who doesn't deserve to be celebrated. Her question is answered when she hears a strangled "Oh thank God," from down the hall.

Ben runs over to the door of his hotel room and crouches down in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking into her swollen, tear filled eyes. "May, is everything okay? Are you hurt?"

May feels her guilt wash over her once more. She bows her head as her lip quivers and the tears begin to force themselves out once again. Ben immediately gathers May into his arms, pressing her head on his shoulder and letting her cry. He strokes her hair and kisses her head as May struggles to think of an answer to his questions.

After a few minutes, May lifts her head and Ben leans back to look at her. He brushes May's hair away from her wet face. Ben's eyes are kind but worried. "Do you want to come inside?"

May nods and stands up from where she sat. Her legs are sore from sitting on top of them and it takes her a second to get her bearings. Ben opens the door and lets May enter first. The door clicks shut and the silence in the room feels heavy, as if it is pressing on the both of them, keeping them from speaking.

"Did you want anything to drink? Water? Coffee?" Ben asks, breaking the silence.

"Water would be nice," May said, trying to even out her voice and failing.

While Ben goes to the kitchen to pull a bottle of water out of the fridge, May sits down on the couch. When Ben returns, he hands May the bottle and takes a seat on the coffee table in front of the couch, facing her.

May looks at Ben for a moment before she asks, "Is Claire worried?"

"No, she said I was overreacting and that you had probably seen someone you knew and went off with them. I fear this movie may be getting to me. I thought perhaps you'd been kidnapped," Ben says with a half grin.

May gives Ben a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "I actually did see someone I knew."

"Do you mind if I ask who? Are they the reason you're so upset?"

May takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "It was my old boss, Perry. And yes." May's eyes start to water again and she waits a moment before speaking again. "I've never told anyone this. Not Claire, not my parents, no one."

"You don't need to tell me if..." Ben starts.

"No," May says, interrupting him. "I need to. I need to tell someone. It's been eating away at me for so long." She looks directly into Ben's eyes then, pleading, "I can't tell Claire because I don't want her to worry. Her life is so hard with her parents being the way that they are. I want to be a safe haven for her, I want to be strong for her. I don't want her to think badly of me." May's voice cracks at the end of her sentence and Ben leans forward and puts his arms around May once more.

"Whatever it is, May, you can tell me. I promise I won't think ill of you," Ben says soothingly, stroking her hair and kissing her head.

May leans back and looks at the powered down television screen behind Ben and begins.

"You know I used to work here in Nashville. It wasn't often that the company I worked for hired a young woman right out of college at such a high position. It was a big deal, but I was top of my class and I had made a name for myself at the company I interned at the summer before my senior year. I worked really hard to get where I was and I wasn't going to take anything less than the best." May pulls her legs up to her chest in a subconscious attempt to make herself smaller.

"I can understand that, not wanting to settle," Ben says, waiting for her to continue.

May smiles sadly. "During my first year at the company, Perry took me under his wing. He was my mentor and he helped me to let go of my 'feminine ideologies' and taught me that business isn't about friendships, it's about money and power. I became obsessed with the bottom line, making decisions about who was good enough and who wasn't. Who was slowing us down as a company, who was costing us more money than they were worth." May takes a chance to glance at Ben's face to see him biting his lip but listening intently.

"I began to let people go. People that were kind to me, and whose children and spouses I knew, I got rid of them like they were nothing. Some of them cried, some yelled. But it didn't phase me. I want to blame Perry, I want to say that he made me do it, but he didn't. I wanted so badly to prove myself to him and to the heads of the company that I deserved to be there, that I was just as hard as they were." May begins to cry in earnest now, remembering the faces of the people she had let go.

"May, we all make mistakes. You were just trying to do your job," Ben says soothingly, taking May's hand and squeezing.

Ben's sympathy does nothing but make her feel worse. "I would go to Perry's office afterwards and he would tell me how proud he was of me, how much I had grown. I fed off of his praise, it made me feel important. At first I would feel bad, but the more I did it, the more I downsized, the less I felt. I felt nothing when they would plead with me, not even pity. I felt nothing except for in Perry's office when he would pat me on the back and tell me how good I was. I think that's why I started to fall for him." May chokes back a sob and continues, "A year after I started working there I got a huge promotion and a huge raise. I was making so much money, and I didn't even think about why. I didn't want to. The day I got my promotion I went to Perry's office to tell him and that's when our relationship began."

Ben is still holding her hand and May thinks his face isn't nearly as disgusted as it should be. "He was twenty years older than me and my boss, so of course if anyone found out it would have been a huge scandal. He was against it at first, he tried to fight it, but that day I got the promotion I guess he didn't want to fight it anymore. We had to hide it and we did it very well. Our work relationship was still the same, he praised me, told me how amazing I was, and I clung to it. I was always hungry for it. Sex with Perry was a way to feel something again. Any time the guilt would creep in I would seek him out and let him lavish me with praise and sex and I would feel okay again.

"A few months before I left, I found out one of my old employees had attempted suicide. His eight year old found him in the bathroom. I had just gotten done giving a presentation to the board of directors when I heard them joking about it. They were laughing about how some people just can't handle themselves, and what kind of weak man would do such a thing. 'I bet you're glad you got rid of him, eh May?' I smiled and nodded but inside I felt like a monster. After work I went to the hospital, I don't know what possessed me but I had to see him. I had to apologize. His wife saw me and she stopped me before I went in. She told me that it was all my fault, that my only concern was money and how could such a young woman be so callous already. She told me to stay away from them, that I had already done enough." May can barely get the words out now, but she didn't want to stop.

"I went home that day and I turned off my phone and computer. Perry was so used to being able to contact me at any time that he came pounding on my door. When he saw me he freaked out. He told me that if I ever wanted to be somebody that I had to let it go. That I couldn't worry about them. My allegiance was to the company and not to the employees. He began to yell when I wouldn't stop crying."

"He didn't hurt you, did he?" Ben asked angrily.

"No, he didn't. He just yelled and told me that I was pathetic and that he thought I was better than this. Eventually I was able to calm down and I told him what he wanted to hear: That he was right and I was being silly. The next week we went on a business trip to New York City to talk to a company who ran an IT company out of India. We had to bring the information back to the board and let them know whether it would be worth it. Perry was excited about it because we'd get bonus checks if we did it. I felt sick to my stomach but I was scared so I just avoided saying anything about it."

"May," Ben said softly, touching her face.

"When we got back I went to IT to warn them about what might happen. I couldn't let them all lose their jobs. As you can imagine, the company was livid with me. The people from IT went to the news stations and told them everything I had told them. The only reason I wasn't fired was because Perry defended me to them. He promised them he would keep me on a shorter leash from now on. A month later I called Claire crying about hating my job. I didn't tell her the specifics and she didn't ask. She immediately offered me the job I have now and I took it. Being with her, being reminded of who I used to be, was exactly what I needed. When I told Perry he wasn't pleased. He yelled, he told me I was a disappointment. He told me I'd never work in this town again."

"So you saw him tonight," Ben said weakly. It wasn't a question.

"I saw him tonight. And Ben," May slides to her knees to be in front of him, "he's still a monster. Seeing his face, remembering how he was, and how I was. And I cared for him! What does that make me, Ben? What kind of monster am I that I sought his approval? What does that make me?" May puts her head in her hands as her body quakes with the sobs escaping her.

Ben pushes the table back and gets on his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms around her once again. "May, it makes you human. We all end up caring for people that in hindsight we wish we wouldn't have. It's just how things happen. You're not a monster." He runs his hand down her hair and down her back, trying to calm her.

She keeps her head down and starts talking faster, so that he can't stop her. "I am, I am a monster. I ruined lives. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve--" May just stops herself from saying 'you.' "He said I was pathetic. I came outside in that stupid crown and flashing necklace and he was with this girl and he looked so disgusted by me. When they walked off he muttered to his girlfriend that it was a such a pity and I had so much potential."

Ben leans back and puts his hands on either side of her face, making her look up at him. "May, baby, look at me."

May looks at him, tears still coming, chin still quivering.

"May, you regret it. You feel bad. That alone makes you not a monster. You were in a bad situation, that doesn't make you a bad person. And you can't keep this all inside. May, I've known Claire for a short while, but I don't believe that she would hate you for any of that. She might hunt the bastard down and twat him but she wouldn't hate you. You're one of the nicest, giving people I've ever met. Every time I'm around you I feel insanely happy. I think about you all the time. After the music festival it was all I could do not to follow you back to LA. And you looked incredibly sexy in your crown and flashing necklace." Ben wipes the fresh tears from her eyes.

"Really?" May asks pathetically with a half smile.

"Really. I care about you, May. And no sad back-story is going to change that."

"I care about you too, Ben. I really do. I didn't want to, I didn't think it was right. But I can't help it."

"I've been told my charms are hard to resist," Ben jokes.

May gives a watery laugh. "Helping Claire these past couple of years has been good for me. Being around her again, being helpful. The more she demanded of me the more I felt like I was paying a penance."

"There's no penance for you to pay. You need to forgive yourself. You're not that person anymore. It must have been scary for you to leave that situation. I'm proud of you, May. The fact that you were able to leave behind that much money and success because of your conscience makes me care about you even more. You're even more amazing than I thought."

May leans back on the couch and takes a deep breath, relaxing her body. "I've kept that in for so long. I was expecting you to kick me out of the room or at least be disappointed. I don't even know what to do now."

"Well, it's your birthday. You can do whatever you want," Ben says, getting off the floor and sitting next to May.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" May asks timidly, staring intently once again at the blank television screen.

Ben looks over at her and smiles. "I think that can be arranged."


	15. Ultraviolence - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part to the last chapter. I hope you all enjoy! This part is also NSFW.

"I've got something you can sleep in," Ben says as he digs through a pile of clothes in the closet.

"Those are all clean, right?" May raises her eyebrow at Ben as he turns around with a pair of boxers and a plain white t-shirt.

"Yes, they're clean," Ben says affronted.

"Well, excuse me for thinking your clean clothes would be folded and put away. You do have a dresser in here. What does your PA even do?"

"She does what she's paid for. Not all of us are as lucky as Claire," Ben says as he watches May turn around and take off her clothes and replace them with his. Once she's done, he comes up behind her and kisses her neck.

"Mmm, thanks for letting me stay, and for the clothes." May turns around to face him. "By the way, did I see my Harvard shirt in that pile?"

Ben blushes but his face remains passive. "Yes. It's my favorite shirt now. It's soft and it reminds me of you."

"That's sweet. And creepy," May says as she tries to avoid him slapping her on the ass. She runs to the bed and jumps in, immediately getting under the covers. May watches as Ben huffs and removes his own clothes, changing into a pair of pajama pants. "You can keep it, though."

"Oh, I wasn't planning on giving it back but thank you," Ben says jokingly as he slips into the bed next to May. He holds his arm out as an invite for May to lay her head on his chest and she does.

"I texted Claire to let her know where I was," May says, wrapping an arm around Ben.

"How did that go over?" Ben asks, kissing the top of her head.

"Better than I expected. Basically she said 'What? Crazy. See you tomorrow. Details.' Honestly I was expecting a few more exclamation points. So."

"So."

"You care about me?" May asks, trying to sound business like.

"Yes. And you care about me?" Ben asks, amused at her tone.

"Of course. So." May closes her eyes to work up the courage for what she wants to say next. "What do we do about that?"

"What would you like to do about that?" Ben asks, still amused.

May raises her head and looks at Ben to see that he's smiling. "I honestly don't even know. Well, I do know, but I don't know. You live in England. I live in California."

"Yes, there is a distance issue." Ben says as May sits up next to him. "But I'm willing to work through it. If you are, of course."

"Um, yes. I'm willing," May says eagerly, making Ben chuckle.

"So."

"So. So, are we in a relationship now? Like, you're my boyfriend?" May asks, blushing furiously while trying to look like a grown woman who went to one of the top business schools in the world.

"May, you're adorable," Ben says, sitting up. "Yes, I'll be your boyfriend if you'll have me."

A huge grin spreads across May's face and she feels so giddy she might burst. Ben laughs at her expression which makes May laugh too. "Well, it's settled then. You're my boyfriend. Benedict Cumberbatch is my boyfriend. And I am your girlfriend. Your giiiiiiirrrllllfriend." May laughs again and bounces a little on the bed as Ben grins at her.

"Are you feeling better now, May? No more thoughts about the arsehole from earlier?"

"I feel better, though maybe he's still in there a bit. It's hard to forget that face."

"Well, do you want to see what we can do about that?" Ben asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, please." May rises up on her knees and straddles Ben's lap. "I still owe you for this morning," she says before taking his lips in a kiss.

"Mmmm, you owe me nothing," he says backing up. "It was a gift."

"Best." My kisses his mouth,"birthday," behind his right ear, "present," behind his left ear, "ever," and finally on his throat. "But there's something else I'd like," May says huskily as she lifts up on her knees and takes off her shirt.

Benedict looks up at her, his hands moving to the backs of her thighs and his eyelids heavy. "Anything."

"Take your pants back off and lay down." May moves off of him and removes the shorts Ben loaned her. She bites her lip as she watches him undress and sees that he's already half hard. He lays back down on the bed and awaits instruction. "I'd like a repeat performance of this morning but," she says, moving over to straddle his head backwards, facing away from the headboard and smiling as she hears him breathily swear at the view, "I'd like to perform as well." His hands grab at her hips to pull her down on his mouth but she pushes up to stop him. "Does that sound agreeable to you?"

"Fuck, May. Yes." Ben's hands grab both of her ass cheeks and squeeze hard.

"Good. I've been wanting to taste your cock since this morning - ahhhh." Ben was apparently tired of waiting and and had lifted his lead to lick at her while she was talking.

"Mmm, you taste so sweet," he said before he continued.

"I've had nothing but cake and Mai Tais - fuuuuuck - today so... oh God," Ben pulls her down hard on his face, moaning as he tastes everywhere. She rests there for a few moments, enjoying the sounds and sensations of him enjoying her from below. "Oh Ben, you're so so so good at that," she says breathlessly. She moves herself on him, swiveling her hips to get his tongue where she wants it and he moans in appreciation.

May looks down at Ben's hard cock moving with his hips and decides she has to have it. She goes to reach for it but Ben's hands go to her hips again and keep her from moving as he seemingly doubles his efforts to make her cum on his face. May has no option but to stay where she is, enjoying the feeling of Ben's tongue hungrily lapping at her clit. She begins to grind almost subconsciously on his tongue, crying out his name as her ecstasy overtakes her. Her orgasm builds slowly, a sweet tension spreading throughout her body, refusing to push over the edge until she is completely driven mad with the feeling of having this sexy man beneath her, his face buried in her cunt. The thought of this is what sets off her release and she cries out, her body falling forward, catching herself with her hands on his hips.

May has no words as she silently rides the waves of her orgasm and she has no time to recover as Ben is slipping out from under her and laying her down on the bed. He kneels between her legs, wrapping them around his waist and he enters her in one hard thrust.

"You're so beautiful," he says as he begins grinding himself into her. "So fucking beautiful."

Regaining some of her composure, May wants to say 'thank you' but between her brain and her mouth it changes into a plea. "Harder."

"Whatever the birthday girl wants," Ben says huskily as he begins slamming into her harder, making sure his pelvic bone grinds against her clit with every thrust. He reaches for her tits, feeling their heft in his hands before moving his fingers over her nipples and pinching them into hardened peaks.

May's body is on fire for him as he makes her feel good, pretty, worthy. Her entire being is the point where the two of them meet, the sounds they make joining together, his hands on her breasts. May has never felt more alive than she does in this moment, the weight of her secrets gone. From the embers of her last orgasm another begins to rise, faster this time.

"That's right, baby, come again for me," Ben coos to her in a gravelly voice.

May cries out Ben's name in a sob of pleasure as her entire body is taken over by her orgasm. She feels nothing but light and pleasure ripping through her as Ben continues to pound into her. As her body comes down she can feel him pulsing inside her, his broken moans signaling his own release. Once he's done he pulls out and lies down on his back next to her.

After a few moments when they catch their breath, they look over at each other at the same time and laugh.

"So," Ben says. "I've decided you having an orgasm is my favorite thing."

"What a coincidence, me having an orgasm is also MY favorite thing."

"Ha!"

"You're a close second, though." May props herself up on her elbow and looks into his eyes. "Thank you for tonight. For letting me stay. And for not thinking I'm a bad person."

"Of course, May. I'm sorry you felt like you had to hide that for so long," he says as he reaches up to run a hand through her hair. "You're wonderful."

"You are too. Honestly, you're hilarious, intimidatingly smart..."

"Says the girl who went to Harvard..."

"And," May continues as if she hadn't heard him, "literally the best lay I've ever had. You've got the sexiest voice and the most beautiful face. Why the fuck you spoke to me at all at that music festival is beyond me. I mean I know I'm not a troll, but my God."

"I look like a sloth."

"A very sexy sloth," May laughs and bends down to kiss him. She then puts her head on his shoulder and it isn't long before they both fall asleep.


	16. Little by Little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much to everyone who has given me kudos and has commented!!! You guys are amazing and I really really appreciate you. Also, thank you to all the amazing authors on here. You guys are so talented and I enjoy reading your fics SO much. Just an fyi! Also - there's some rough-ish sexy stuff in this chapter. Nothing too hardcore but just to forewarn anyone who is sensitive to that kind of thing!

Little by little by hook or by crook  
I’m such a tease  
And you’re such a flirt  
Once you’ve been hurt  
You’ve been around enough

Little by Little - Radiohead

When May wakes up, Ben's arm is around her, holding her softly to him. She lies still for a moment, listening to his shallow, even breaths. The room is barely lit with the early morning light and May estimates that it's around five am. With a sigh, she reluctantly shifts his arm off of her so that she can get back to her house in time to get Claire ready for work.

Benedict wakes up when he feels her weight leave the bed. "S'early. Come back to bed."

"I can't. Do you mind if I use your shower?" May asks softly.

"'Course," Ben mumbles into his pillow.

May smiles at how sweet he looks lying in bed asleep. She heads into the bathroom and shuts the door. She pulls open the shower door and rolls her eyes at the complicated looking taps. Luckily, May is quick to figure it out and once the water is to her liking she steps in and groans at how good the hot water feels on her body. Her muscles, stiff from sitting crumpled up in front of Ben's door last night, begin to loosen and she allows herself to think about the events of the night before.

She hadn't meant to come here and confess her feelings for Benedict, she just desperately needed someone to talk to that wasn't Claire. Thinking on it now, though, she realizes she was ridiculous to think that Claire wouldn't understand. She decides to tell Claire when she gets back from her trip to L.A.

May's thoughts are interrupted when she hears the bathroom door open and shut. She smiles to herself as she hears Ben climb into the shower. He comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. May places her arms over his.

"You didn't have to get up. Your call time isn't until much later," May says softly.

"My girlfriend is naked and wet in my shower," Ben says simply.

"Girlfriend," May says, a smirk turning into a grin.

Ben hears the smile in her voice and laughs. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just funny. I haven't had a boyfriend since high school. I've dated and um... you know." Ben 'mmm's' in her ear in response. "But I wasn't a girlfriend. I like it. It makes me feel young," May muses.

"Young! Like you're so old," Ben scoffs.

"Yesterday signifies oldness. Did you ever figure out how old I am?"

"I thought you said a gentleman wouldn't look it up." Ben muses while he starts kissing her neck.

"I didn't think you'd listen. Well... oh, that's nice," May moans as his kisses move down her neck and across her shoulder.

"May," Ben says, continuing down her back.

"Mmmm?"

Ben stops and stands back up. "How old are you?"

"Thirty years and one day."

"Practically ancient! You do realize I'm thirty-eight," Ben says evenly.

"Yes, I looked on IMDb."

"Rude!" Ben jokingly exclaims.

"Anyways! It's alright for you, you only get sexier as you get older. Meanwhile I'm going to start getting 'When are you going to settle down? Your eggs are only viable for so long!' 'Are you seriously going to be Claire's personal assistant for the rest of your life?' 'What about your degree?' shit from everyone!" May whines as she reaches for the shampoo.

"May. You are gorgeous and you will only continue to get even more so. Thirty is nothing. I had a bit of a whinge when I turned thirty but you realize it's just another year. It's nothing to be scared of. As for your career, you'll figure it out. I know I can't possibly know what exactly you went through with your last job, but I do believe it's a matter of finding the right job for you." May starts to bite her lip, deep in thought and Ben gently takes the shampoo bottle out of her hand.

"What are you doing?" May asks as Ben starts to turn her around to face away from him.

"Maybe I want to see that hot thirty year old bum."

"Maybe?" May breathes out, as Ben takes her hands and presses them to the wall.

"Definitely want to see it," Ben says in her ear as he bends down a bit to encourage her to spread her legs with his hands. He begins kissing her shoulders and down her back while using his fingers to lightly tease at her opening.

"This isn't getting me clean," May says, trying to sound serious as Ben straightens back up and presses himself flush with her.

"It's not meant to," Ben says with a laugh as he enters her slowly from behind.

***

May is only ten minutes later than she had wanted to be and she assumes that Claire is still asleep and won't notice the difference. As soon as she goes inside she heads straight for Claire's bedroom, throws open the door, and slams it shut immediately.

"Oh my God," May says, walking quickly to the kitchen to start the coffee, as she isn't sure what she should do in this situation. She hears Claire running down the hall and braces herself.

"May! May-May! It wasn't what it looked like!" Claire has her duvet wrapped around her and her hair is everywhere.

"It looked like you were going down on one of the production assistants." May tries to keep her voice even in an attempt to keep this as normal as possible. It's not like she hasn't accidentally walked in on Claire before. Claire had walked in on her as well. It's that May is meant to be keeping up with this and clearly she has failed.

"Okay, so it was."

"Okay. Were you going to tell me? Is this a one night thing? Are you in a relationship with her? What happened to April or whatever her name is?"

"Um, first of all, you didn't tell me about Ben!" Claire exclaims heatedly.

"I'm not an actress! My career isn't affected by who I date! You need to be careful if you want to keep your sexuality under wraps!"

"It's not like that! She won't say anything! And it's none of anyone's business who I screw, regardless of who it is!"

"I completely agree which is why you need to be careful with people who could sell your shit to the tabloids for a quick buck!" May takes a deep breath and calms herself. "I'm just looking out for you, if you trust her then I will too."

"She's fine. It's nothing serious, we're just hanging out."

"Okay then. Just checking."

"This is awkward," Claire says laughing.

May cracks a smile. "Not at all. Go get ready, we have to be at the studio in an hour."

***

On their way to work, May and Claire talk about the events of last night. May skims over the part where she had run away from the club because of Perry. May has decided that she wants to take Claire out to a nice dinner when she gets back from LA and tell her then.

"So he's your boyfriend now?" Claire asks, half teasing, half excited.

"Yes. I'm dating Benedict Cumberbatch. What even, Claire! He's so hot, I can't stand it." May squeezes the steering wheel for emphasis.

"Eww, May!" Claire says, laughing.

"Shut up! I saw you face deep in your friend today. You don't get to say 'ew' to me!" May laughs out, elbowing Claire for emphasis.

"Whatever! Anyways, I think she was more freaked out than either of us. She climbed out the window so she wouldn't have to face you!"

May laughs. "You know, Ben climbed in and out of the window yesterday. He brought me a Lord of the Rings cupcake for my birthday."

"WHAT!?"

"Yep. Then he went down on me. Just think, if only you woke up on your own in the mornings we would be even right now!"

"Well, I'm very glad then that I have you to wake me up when you're done getting your rocks off."

"You're a lucky girl, Claire," May says with a smirk.

***

Dating Benedict Cumberbatch has proven so far to be very uneventful. Both Ben and May are extremely busy the entire week and don't have the time to enjoy their new relationship. Finally, Friday rolls around and it's time for Claire to fly out to LA. The production is taking a three day weekend and Claire is flying back to California for a birthday party and is allowing May to have the weekend off to do nothing.

May packs for Claire and arranges transportation to the airport for her while she makes Claire go through her luggage to make sure everything is there. Usually May takes Claire where she needs to go herself, but she has an appointment at the spa as a treat for herself.

"Everything looks great, May-May. Thank you," Claire says, hugging her.

"You're welcome. Joe is sending an intern to pick you up at the airport, so you should be good to go. I'll pick you up Sunday morning. Are you sure you'll be up for dinner with me?"

"I'm always up for dinner when you actually offer to pay," Claire says with a wink.

"Yeah, yeah. The taxi will be here in about thirty minutes so be ready. Save your receipts so I can get them to the studio."

"Will do. Have fun on your date tonight! I can't wait to hear all about it!"

"Are you sure you're going to be alright by yourself all weekend? I can cancell if you need me," May says suddenly feeling guilty about letting Claire leave by herself.

"Oh my God, for the millionth time, I'll be fine! Enjoy your weekend off!"

"Fine! I just worry about you. It is my job, you know."

"Not this weekend," Claire says sagely.

"I've gotta go if I'm going to make my appointment."

"Go! Have fun! Get a Brazilian, it'll change your life! And wear that stuff I got you for your birthday!" Claire says excitedly.

"Sure thing, Claire," May says rolling her eyes. The truth is that she actually has a Brazilian scheduled, along with a massage and hair and makeup, but Claire doesn't need to know that.

***

May has just left the spa and is trying to decide if she can make it to dinner tonight without eating when her phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, darling. How are you today?"

"Great, actually. I just left the spa and I'm heading back to an empty house to get ready for a date with my sexy English boyfriend. How about you?"

"Ah, I'm doing pretty great myself. Excited for a date with my gorgeous American girlfriend."

May laughs. "That makes me sound more exotic than I am."

"You're exotic to me. So, I'll pick you up around seven, does that sound alright?"

"It sounds perfect. I can't wait," May says with a smile.

"See you soon," Ben says and ends the call.

As soon as May gets home, she starts digging through her closet for something to wear. Claire had bought her a beautiful set of black lingerie for her birthday that she plans on wearing but her planning didn't go much further than that. May looks at the clock and realizes that she doesn't have time to go shopping and she runs to her phone and dials Claire.

"May, what's wrong?" Claire sounds worried.

"What the fuck am I supposed to wear tonight?" May asks as she falls back on her bed in surrender.

"You're usually so organized, I'm surprised you don't have the entire outfit picked out already!"

"Well, I had other things on my mind," May says darkly.

Claire laughs at her. "Alright, go to my closet."

"Okay, I'm here. What's that noise?"

"Paparazzi. I'm following the intern out to his car. Anyways, the dress with the gold zip down the front, do you see it?"

"Yes. Oh my God, Claire, I'm going to stretch it out."

"Get over yourself, your boobs aren't that much bigger than mine. Plus, it'll be tight enough that you won't have to wear a bra."

"I won't have room to wear a bra."

"Wear that, I promise you'll look amazing. Now, I have to go. Send me a picture when you get it on. The dress, I mean," Claire says with a laugh.

"Will do. Thanks Claire. Have fun and be careful this weekend."

"Sure thing, May."

May carries the dress back into her room and hangs it up on her closet door. She pulls the lingerie that Claire got her out of her drawer: A intricate lace bra, matching panties, a garter skirt and a beautiful pair of thigh highs. May has never owned anything of the like but she is excited to try it out. May decides to wear the bra despite Claire's suggestions. Once she has that on, she pulls on the panties, the sheer black thigh highs and slips on the skirt. She clips the skirt to the thigh highs and finishes by pulling on the dress and stealing a pair of black pumps from Claire's closet. May turns to look in the mirror and is extremely pleased with what she sees.

***

May sits on the couch watching a movie when the doorbell rings at ten past seven. May hops up and slides her heels, discarded when she realized she had to thirty minutes to wait until Ben got to her house, on to her feet and walks to the door.

"You're late," May says as she opens the door.

"Christ. You look gorgeous, May," Ben says, giving her a once over.

"I try," May says, grinning. "You're looking pretty dapper yourself. That shirt's really working for me."

"Really," Ben says, suddenly bashful. He's wearing a shirt and jacket that look as if they've been specifically tailored for him and May thinks that they probably were.

"Really. Shall we?" May asks.

"We shall." Ben waits as May shuts and locks the door, watching her ass and legs move in the dress and heels she's wearing. He can't help but come up behind her and kiss the back of her neck while placing his hands on her waist.

"What was that for?" May asks, turning around once she's finished dead bolting the door.

"For me being late. You really do look amazing in that dress," Ben says, holding his arm out for her to take.

"Mmm, thank you," May says, taking his arm and letting him lead her to the car. When he opens the door for her, she leans into him, whispers in his ear, "You sould see what's underneath," and sits demurely in the passenger seat.

Ben bites his lip as he lightly shuts her door. He walks around and gets into the driver's seat. He looks over at May, who is looking smug, and responds with, "only if you're a good girl, May."

It is May's turn to bite her lip as Ben backs out of the drive way.

***

Ben takes her to a beautiful steak house in the city. She is surprised to find that she's never been here before and Ben lets her know that it's just opened in the past year. May lets Ben order her a glass of wine since he's driving.

"I haven't eaten at all today, I'm starving," May says as she goes over the menu and takes a sip of wine. "I've been dying for a steak since we got here."

"I know."

May looks up at him in surprise, hoping she didn't talk in her sleep.

"I had a chat with Claire about what you might like," Ben says nonchalantly, his eyes cast down at his menu.

"Aww, you asked what I'd like. That's the sweetest thing ever."

"Hardly," Ben says, winking at her over the menu.

The waitor, who can't be more than eighteen, comes to tell them the specials and flirts heavily with May. Ben looks unimpressed while May, buzzing from the wine and feeling extremely confident in her attire, is trying not to laugh.

"I'll have the filet, please." May says and almost manages to keep her voice even.

"And how would the beautiful lady like that cooked?"

"Medium," May answers, opening her eyes wide in amusement at Ben who starts smirking.

"I'm going to have the lamb," Ben says in a deadpan voice.

The waitor looks over at Ben in alarm. "Yes, sir. Your salads will be out momentarily."

"Jealous?" May asks once the waiter is out of earshot.

"I think I'll be fine," Ben laughs, taking a sip of water.

"Oh, I don't know. I think I saw a neck tattoo peaking out from his shirt. He was sweet though. It's nice to know I've still got it," May says, buffing her nails playfully on her shirt.

"I can give 'it' to you later if you like," Ben counters, one eyebrow raised.

"Oh, I hope so." May winks at him as a waitress sets the salads in front of them. May immediately digs in and moans. "This is legitimately one of the best salads I've ever had in my life."

"It's very good," Ben agrees.

"So, tell me what you were like when you were a teenager," May says as she pushes her plate away.

"Oh, incredibly awkward. Bookish. I think you'd call it a drama geek? I had lots of friends, though. You?"

"I was very into my classes and my grades. I was in Student Council and Math Club." Ben laughs at this and May laughs with him. "I was way too busy to have friends other than Claire. Most of the people I knew were through her." May takes a gulp of wine.

"You mentioned a boyfriend in high school, he must have been a friend."

"Oh yes, he was. Or he was a friend of Claire, anyway. We went to prom together, he was the one that broke up with me because of my dancing. It turns out he was gay and had just told his parents before picking me up, so I didn't hold it against him."

"That's very kind of you," Ben says, laughing.

"Yes, I'm a saint," May says sarcastically.

The waiter comes out with another member of the waitstaff to bring them their entrees. May and Ben 'ooh' and 'ahh' over their meals to the waiter, and with a wink to May he lets them know he'll be back to check on them. Benedict eyes him darkly when he leaves and May chuckles at him.

"Still got it," she says, taking a bite of her steak. "Oh, Ben, this is divine. How's your lamb?" May looks up at him to see his eyes closed and his mouth chewing as he moans and nods. "You did a great job picking this place."

"The food is great but I'm not overly fond of the staff," Ben responds with half a smile.

"I don't know, they have a certain charm. So," May starts, changing the subject, "you know about my past relationships, how about your own?"

"You could IMDb it," Ben says with a smirk.

"I'd rather not see the gorgeous young fashion models you're bound to have dated." May smiles at him to let him know she's joking.

"There were a couple young models, though it was nothing serious. My longest relationship was ten years with a girl I met at university called Olivia and we're still great friends."

"That's nice you can still be friends, especially after that long. What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

"We wanted different things. It was amicable and I still love her, I'm just not in love with her."

"I can understand that," May says, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "Um, have you ever had a long distance relationship?" May asks nervously.

"I haven't. I never saw myself dating someone who didn't live in London as I'm not likely to leave," Ben says nonchalantly, taking a bite of his lamb. May feels her stomach drop and isn't sure what to say. Ben looks up when she remains silent and reads her face. "Oh, no. I'm sorry, I meant I've never met someone who was worth trying before. You're amazing and beautiful and I want this to work. Of course I do." He reaches out to her again and she puts her hand back on his.

May sighs in relief. "That's really good to know."

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't even thinking about what I was saying," Ben says with a nervous laugh.

"Obviously," May says, smiling. "I want this to work too."

The conversation flows easily throughout the rest of dinner. Once May takes the last bite of her dessert, she looks up and asks, "What are we doing after dinner? I've got an empty house and a bottle of hooch if you don't have anything else planned."

"That sounds amazing, actually."

"Before we go I need to use the ladies' room," May says, standing up from the table. Ben stands as she walks past him. Before she can make it to the bathroom, the waiter stops her.

"Here's my number, darlin', if you ever need anything," he says handing her a torn piece of paper with a phone number and the name 'Christopher' written on it.

May is highly amused and raises her eyebrows at him while taking the piece of paper and continuing into the restroom. She gets an idea when she's in there. She manuevers her panties off and rehooks her garters. She then leans up against the wall of the stall and takes a strategic up skirt shot that gives an idea of what she has and hasn't got on and sends it to Ben. She crumples her panties in her hand and heads back to the table. When she's a few feet away, she sees him fishing his phone out of his pocket. May comes up behind him and places her panties in the pocket he just removed his phone from and sits back down.

Ben's face flushes once he sees the text. He reaches his hand in his pocket and immediately guesses what she just put in there. "May."

"Hmm?" she hums as if she didn't just send him an explicit text and shove her underwear in his pants. "You know, if things don't work out between us, the waiter gave me his phone number on my way to the restroom," she says, sliding the number to him with a smirk.

Ben grabs the number and puts it with check that had been dropped off while she was gone. He stands up and holds his hand out. "Are you ready to go?"

"Oh yes," May says eagerly, taking his hand and standing up.

Ben and May both try to walk calmly out of the restaurant but as soon as they reach the threshold they both break out in a run to the car, Ben leading May.

"This reminds me of the day we met," May says wistfully as Ben unlocks and opens the door for her.

Ben's face, hardened by lust, softens as he looks at May and remembers. He slides a hand into her hair, pulls her lips to his and kisses her. The kiss turns passionate quickly. After a few moments, May reluctantly pulls back and grins. "Let's go."

"Let's go," Ben repeats in a low, dangerous voice that causes May to squeeze her legs together as she sits in the passenger seat of the car. Ben walks to his side of the car, opens the door, and sits down. May watches his hands on the gear shift and bites her lip. Ben backs out of the parking space and drives purposely out of the parking lot and onto the highway towards May's home. May's fists clench at her sides the entire drive home to keep herself from distracting Ben from the road. They both surreptitiously glance at the other through the corner of their eyes, their faces glowing blue from the lights on the dash.

May is usually made nervous by fast drivers but she thanks the powers that be that Ben knows how to handle a car at high speeds. He pulls into the driveway and May is out of the car before it even stops moving, not wanting to wait for Ben to come around and open the door for her. She runs to the door and fumbles with her keys and Ben is right there behind her, his hands lifting the tight skirt of her dress over her half covered ass and his teeth biting down on her neck.

"Fuck, Ben," May moans. "Just a second, baby, I need to get the door unlocked."

"Fucking hurry," Ben growls, sucking on the spot he just bit down on.

May finally gets the key inside the hole and opens the door. Ben grabs her waist and pushes her inside, shutting the door and locking it behind him one handed. Ben pushes May against the wall with his body pressed tightly against her and begins kissing her furiously, his tongue in her mouth swirling feverishly with hers.

All of a sudden Ben pulls back and takes her in. May stands there breathing heavily, her lipstick smudged, the hem of her skirt at her waist, and a bruise from his bite forming on her neck. Ben has never been more turned on by anyone in his life. He rips off his jacket and May takes a cue from him and unzips the front of her dress and pulls it off.

By the time she is finished, Ben is half way done unbuttoning his shirt. May goes over and begins to undo his pants, pulls his cock out of his underwear and immediately falls to her knees to put it in her mouth. She strokes him slowly, meeting the top of her fist with her mouth while Ben cries out above her.

"Fuck May," he grunts, his hand moving to the back of her head to control her pace. "I love watching you take my cock in your hot little mouth."

May moans in response, feeling wetness seep out of her. She longs to touch herself, to feel herself wet and bare but she refrains. His cock feels so good in her mouth and she wants to focus on the sounds he's making from above her.

It doesn't take long before Ben is on the brink. He grabs a handful of May's hair and pulls her back from him gently, her mouth releasing his dick with a 'pop.' May looks up at him through her heavy eyelashes and licks her lips before standing up. Ben, whose hands are still in her hair, pulls her forward and crashes his lips to her own once more and turns them around so that he has her trapped between his body and the wall. He grabs the back of her legs and lifts them so they wrap around his body and his eyes are level with her breasts.

"Your tits are glorious, May."

"I'm a fan," she says breathlessly, grinding herself against Ben as he places open mouth kisses all over the tops of them while he reaches around to unhook her bra. Once her breasts are free, Ben's mouth immediately goes to suck an already hardened nipple into his mouth. May cries out as he gently bites down. She moves her cunt against Ben, trying hard to relieve the pressure. She can feel her moisture spread against his abdomen and her soft, bare lips rubbing against the hair leading to his manhood.

"May, darling, you've gotten me all wet," he says, moving his mouth to the other nipple, biting down and pulling while looking into her eyes.

"What are you going to do about it?" she asks him breathlessly.

In response, Ben lets her breast fall from his mouth, grabs her hair and pulls her back down to kiss him. He takes them both into May's bedroom and pushes her off of him onto the bed. Breathing hard and incredibly turned on, May rises onto her knees and faces him.

"Turn around and put your hands behind your back. Now!"

May smirks at his commanding tone but obeys. As soon as she does, Ben takes her bra, still gripped in his hand, and wraps it tightly around her wrists to keep her bound. He wraps a hand around the back of her neck and continues. "Put your face on the bed and your ass in the air," Ben says dangerously.

May obeys once more and lets Ben's hand guide her in pressing her right cheek into the bed. Once into position, she arches her back so that her ass sticks out and she can feel cool air on her pussy. Ben's hands rub down both of her ass cheeks, following the garters down the backs of her legs. "Did you wear all of this for me, May?"

"Maybe. Or maybe I wore it for the waiter tonight."

Ben slaps her across the ass and May feels herself getting impossibly more wet.

"I don't think so, May," he says as he rubs his hand soothingly over the spot he just slapped. "Who did you wear this for?"

"Whoever wanted to see," May says and is delighted when he gives her ass another hard smack.

"Wrong again, darling. I know why you wore this and why you sent me a picture of your bare, wet pussy during dinner, you dirty girl." Ben leans over her and grabs her hair and pulls lightly so that her face looks up. "I want to hear you say it. Who did you wear this for?"

"I wore it to make your cock hard, Benedict," May says breathlessly.

"Mmm, yes that's right," Ben says in a low voice.

"Is it working?"

"You tell me," Ben says as he rubs his hard dick against her wet folds.

"Oh God," May moans, sticking her ass out even more.

Ben slaps her ass hard once again. "What do you want, May? Tell me what you want."

May can only cry out.

"Tell me what you WANT, May!" He says, slapping her ass again.

"You, Ben. I want your cock buried so so deep inside of me. Fuck, please. Please Ben."

"Mmm, that's better," Ben says soothingly, smoothing his hands once more over the spots he's hit. He aligns the head of his cock with her hole and barely pushes it in. "Is this where you want me, May?"

"Yes, please Benedict."

"How do you want it, darling? How do you want my cock."

"Hard," May breathes out. "Rough."

"Anything for my girl," Ben says as he slams inside of her.

"FUCK!"

"Fuck, baby, you're so fucking wet," Ben growls at her. He pounds hard against her, the sloppy wet sounds of their friction filling the room.

May spreads her legs wider, trying to pull him in deeper and Ben groans. "Your cock feels so good inside of me, Benedict," May moans out. "Stretching me, filling me up."

Ben grabs her wrists where they're tied and pulls her body up so that she's leaning against him, his cock still ramming into her from behind. He wraps his hand around her neck and pulls her head back so that it's leaning over his shoulder. Every muscle in her upper body feels taut and stretched over him. Ben licks from the bottom of her neck up to her ear and bites down on it just as his dick hits that spot inside of her that drives her mad and she completely loses it. Ben starts moving faster and harder inside of her, knowing that she's close to the precipice of her orgasm.

"That's it, yessss. Come for me, baby."

"Fuck, right there, right there, harder, harder, YES!" May screams as her orgasm rips through her body, turning every molecule of her being into pleasure. She can hear Ben crying out as his own orgasm takes him over and they both collapse on the bed, her face pressed against the duvet and Ben's body draped over hers, completely satisfied.

Ben swirls his fingers softly over May's back, making her sigh. "Excellent first date, Ben. Thank you."

"Oh, my darling. The date is far from over."


	17. All I Want For Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NFSW-ish stuff in this chapter! Thank you to my beta lexfritterwrites (over on tumblr) for being an amazing beta, AND ALSO thank you to everyone who reads and gives kudos and comments! I hope you're all still enjoying it :)

I just want you for my own  
More than you will ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Baby all I want for Christmas is yooooooooooooooou!  
All I Want For Christmas - Mariah Carey

"What a fucking bastard! Where the fuck does he live?" Claire screeches out.

"It doesn't matter, Claire, it's fine. I'm so sorry that I was like that and I'm so sorry that I never told you about it." May says, tears falling steadily. She marvels at the kindness and understanding of her best friend. Claire has always been willing to overlook the worst in people, May had just hoped it would never be her that needed overlooking.

"May! Do you think I give a shit about what you did? You're the best person I know! You fucked up, everyone does! I'm more concerned about this prick strutting around Nashville acting like an asshole! What the fuck kind of name is Perry, anyways?"

May smiles at Claire's indignation on her behalf. "I don't know. He's older, maybe it was a popular name back when he was born."

"How much older?"

"He's in his sixties now, I think."

"EW! May! Jesus Christ!"

"What? I was attracted to his power!"

"The power of his fiber supplements."

"Claire," May laughs out and then stands up and hugs her friend tightly.

Claire hugs her back and looks down at where May was sitting on the couch. They had cancelled going out to dinner that night as Claire was still hung over from the party in LA. "What are you sitting on?"

"Ice," May says as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

"Might I ask why?" Claire asks, eyebrow raised.

"No."

"May."

"It's been a busy weekend, Claire."

"Oh my God, did Ben fuck you a new hole?"

"Christ, Claire!" May exclaims, sitting gingerly back on the ice and wiping her face. "It was just... a lot. It's been a while. It feels bruised! I think I had too many orgasms."

"Ugh!" Claire throws a pillow over at May. "I'm glad you had a good time while I was away. How are things going with you two, anyway? I mean besides the sex."

"Great, actually. He's funny, sweet, smart. He's everything," May sighs, looking wistfully out the window as Claire starts laughing at her. "What? I know I sound ridiculous but whatever. He's the first guy I've cared about since Perry."

"What about Aidan?" Claire asks, referring to the actor May dated. "You were pretty upset over him when you broke up. As a matter of fact, I remember you saying that you would never date an actor again!"

"I wasn't upset over him. He was completely dull. I was upset about Perry, I was just using him as an excuse so I didn't have to tell you what was actually happening." May winces as she shifts over the ice.

"The deception! You deserve your vagina pain!"

"It's not just my vagina. My legs were moved into positions I'm pretty sure they've never been in before."

"Ew," Claire says, making a face.

"Anyways. Do you have your receipts?"

"They're in my purse," Claire says as she walks to get them.

"Can you bring me my computer too, please?" May asks, trying to sound dignified and not like she's confined to the couch because she's been fucked to hell and back.

"Yes, May," Claire says, rolling her eyes. Once she has the computer and her purse she sits next to May on the couch, handing both of them to May. "Did you want to watch a movie when you're done?"

"Sure, pick one out while I'm putting these receipts in," May says distractedly.

***

With two weeks left of filming before Christmas break, production is busier than usual. Claire, Ben, and all the other principals are being run ragged, filming scene after scene with little to no break in between. Ben's personal assistant comes down with the flu and the director bans her from set. Rather than hire another assistant for just two weeks, May offers Ben her services after getting permission from Claire. May calls his PA and gets all the necessary information and plugs it into her computer.

Ben goes home with May every night as he doesn't have the energy to take her out but he still wants to spend time with her. Claire and Ben shower separately while May arranges dinner. After dinner, they all sit down to watch a movie with Claire and Ben passing out soon after which is when May gets a lot of her work done.

The night before they all leave for Christmas, she is working on Ben's flight itinerary when her cell rings.

"Hey mom."

"Hey sweetie! What are you up to?"

"Trying to get a layover shortened to something reasonable."

"Ah, good luck. I spoke to Claire earlier today and she told me something interesting."

"She did?" May asks nervously, biting her lip.

"She did. She told me that you're seeing someone."

"Claire's got a big mouth."

"Well, who is he? What's he like?"

"His name is Ben, he's an actor, and he's really sweet," May says, looking across the living room at the sleeping Benedict's face smooshed into the couch.

"When do we get to meet him?"

"I don't know! I don't know if it's that serious yet."

"It must be if you're calling him your boyfriend!"

"I care about him and he cares about me, but I don't know if we're at the 'meeting the parents' phase quite yet."

"Why don't you invite him down for Christmas? It'll be fun!"

"Mom, that's sweet but he probably wants to be with his own family at Christmas."

"Fine, then. I still want to meet him."

"We'll see how things go."

"One more thing," May's mom says seriously. "Are you happy, sweetie?"

"I think I really am."

"That's all that matters to me. That and that you're using protection!"

"Mooooom," May says quietly. "I'm being careful, I promise."

"Not that I don't want to be a grandma, I'd just rather it be when you're ready."

"I'd prefer that as well."

"It's good to hear your voice, baby. I can't wait until you two are down here! We just bought the Christmas tree and we were barely able to get it inside!"

"How is that different from any other year?" May laughs.

"Ha ha, May Bell. I'll let you get back to doing your work. Give our love to Claire."

"Yes, ma'am. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetie."

May smiles as she sets down her phone. She finishes up an e-mail to the airline thanking them for their cooperation, closes her laptop, and gets up. She puts a blanket over Claire on the recliner, kisses her forehead and heads over to Ben. May kneels down beside him and kisses his cheek, causing him to stir.

"Ben, did you want to stay on the couch or come sleep with me?"

"What time is it?" he mumbles sleepily.

"It's a quarter past ten," May says, smoothing his hair out of his face. Ben smiles and climbs off the couch, taking May's hand and leading her to the bedroom.

Once they settle in the bed, both on their sides and facing each other, Ben reaches his hand out and touches May's cheek.

"I miss you," he says, stroking her temple with his thumb.

"I'm right here, Ben," May whispers, smiling.

"No, I mean," Ben pauses as he moves his hand down to her hip and pulls her closer to him, "I miss you."

"Mmm, well in that case I miss you too," May says, feeling his hardness against her and leaning forward to kiss him. The kiss is soft and sweet, and Ben gently pushes May onto her back and climbs on top of her.

No more words are spoken as Ben reaches down to remove both of their underwear. Once the barriers are removed, Ben slips his fingers into her slit, humming with appreciation when he feels the wetness starting to begin there as they continue to kiss each other. He plays lightly with her clit, rubbing his thumb in circles around it while his fingers dip inside of her. It isn't long before May is whining and moving her hips to try and pull his fingers in more. Ben removes his fingers and replaces them with his cock, letting out a shaky breath as May's warm slippery pussy takes him in.

Ben pushes himself up on an arm to look at May's face and she turns her head slightly to kiss the muscles working to hold him up. He keeps his thumb circling her clit as May wraps her legs around his waist and encourages him to go deeper. Once he does, he hits that spot inside of May that drives her crazy. She moans quietly as her nails rake lightly down his back. Ben's thrusts begin to pick up pace and soon after they are both climaxing, holding tight to the other as their orgasms take them over at the same time.

As their breathing begins to even out, May is overcome with emotion. She tries to keep it in check by taking deep, quiet breaths, but the hormones of sex and the thought of being separated from Ben by thousands of miles is too much to bear. As Ben pulls her into his arms he is concerned to see a tear rolling down her cheek.

"What's wrong, May?"

"Nothing, it's stupid."

"I doubt that," Ben scoffs, and May looks down. "Please tell me what's wrong." He pushes her hair back and kisses her forehead.

"I'm just gonna miss you when we're not here, is all. I feel like a middle schooler, crying because she won't see her boyfriend all summer," May says, resting her head in the space between his shoulder and neck. "I don't want to freak you out, I'm sure I'm just overwhelmed and tired and..."

"May, darling, look at me."

May rolls over and places her chin on his chest and looks into his eyes.

"You're daft if you don't think I feel the same way. I'm going to miss you like mad, but we'll come see each other. We'll make this work. I care about you. Don't you care about me?"

May rolls her eyes. "Obviously."

Ben laughs. "There's that sorted then. Do you feel better now?"

"Slightly," she says with a smirk, wiping her eyes. "You need to go to sleep. You've got to be at the airport at six a.m."

"Don't remind me. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go pee and eat some ice cream."

"At the same time?"

May rolls her eyes again, kisses him good night, and walks out of the room. She goes through two pints of Chunky Monkey and a two hour Golden Girls marathon before she's able to put the sadness in the back of her mind and sleep.

***

When May and Claire land in the tiny Florida airport it is to little fanfare. May's dad is there to greet them dressed in a suit and a chauffeur's hat, holding a sign with May and Claire's name on it. Claire cheers and runs toward him for a hug while May just laughs and rolls her eyes.

"How was the flight, girls?" Clay asks jovially.

"Uneventful," May answers, giving her father a one armed hug.

"Those are the best flights," he says, taking both of their suitcases and leading them to the car.

"Oh my God, I forgot how humid it is here!" May whines as soon as they step outside. "It was cold in Nashville!"

"My hair is already twice as big as it was when we left!" Claire says, checking herself out in the window of Clay's car.

"Well, you see girls, the weather is different depending on where you are," Clay says as if talking to young children.

May laughs, Clay opens the car doors for them both and they get inside. May and Claire exclaim at all the changes the area has been through as they make their way to May's parent's house. Clay makes a pit stop to get them an ice cream cone at their favorite drive-thru and makes Claire's a large when she says she's on a diet. May takes a selfie with her ice cream and sends it to Ben, telling him to let her know how the weather is in London.

When they turn the corner onto May's parent's street, it is glaringly obvious that they have arrived home. There are plastic animatronic deer next to a Christmas tree topiary, a huge blow up snow globe with ice skating penguins on the inside, light up snowmen lining the walk way to the front door, and Santa Claus in his sleigh being pulled by his reindeer spinning on the roof.

"Jesus Christ, Clay!" Claire says with her eyes wide, stepping out of the car.

"We didn't have room for Jesus this year," Clay says mirthfully, chuckling at his joke. "What are you doing, May?"

"I'm taking a picture to send to my friend," May says, trying to get the best angle to send to Ben.

"She's taking it to send to her BOYfriend!" Claire says in a sing-song voice.

"Oh, HO! Boyfriend! Who is this guy? Do I need to beat him up?" Clay asks in an over the top tough guy voice, holding up his fists.

"No, Dad, you don't need to beat him up," May says rolling her eyes and flicking Claire off. May's dad is always trying to act macho and over-protective to make May laugh but he's been doing it for so long that it's stopped being funny to anyone except her dad and Claire. "I'll tell him you say 'hello' though," she continues while finishing her text to Ben.

It is clear to anyone who knows them both that May takes after her mother, Nicole. Nicole is very even tempered but will quickly turn violent if someone she loves is threatened. The only way they differ is that where May is mathematical, Nicole is artistic. She is a painter and is one of the biggest names in the thriving local art scene. Nicole is the one who got Claire into acting and has always been supportive of her dreams to act professionally.

"My sweet darlings!" Nicole says, running out of the door in her "Artists do it with Paint" apron. Claire runs to her first and hugs her tightly and May comes up second, kissing her on the cheek and smiling. "You both look amazing! Tennessee agrees with you!"

"You look good too, mom! What are you cooking in there?" May asks, as delicious smells waft from the inside of the house.

"Roast chicken, mashed potatoes and cookies. I made enough cookies for you to send to your boyfriend, May."

"Claire is seeing someone too, you know," May says as they all head into the house.

"Why didn't you tell us, Claire? We could have had her over for the holiday!" Clay says, disappointed.

"Because," Claire says, glaring daggers at May, "it's nothing serious! We're just having fun."

"Well, fine then! If neither of you girls want to share your lovers with us then how are we supposed to be embarrassing parents? You're taking all the fun out of this," Nicole whines. She pulls out a plate full of cookies and sits them in front of May and Claire who sit themselves at the bar to watch her cook.

"We just had ice cream," May begins but Nicole interrupts her by putting a glass of milk in front of each of them before simply saying "eat."

***

May and Ben keep in touch via text, phone, and Skype. Luckily, both of them are so busy with their family and friends that they hardly have time to miss each other until it's time for either of them to go to sleep. Being six hours apart, Ben would call May at six p.m. to say good night. Nicole, Claire, and May would stay up until two a.m. gossiping about everything so by the time May went to bed she would call to tell Ben good morning and goodnight.

On Christmas morning, Claire brings her open laptop with her to sit in front of the tree with the rest of the family.

"Claire, do you really need that to open your presents?" May asks with an eyebrow raised.

"Yes," May's dad says excitedly and thrusts a thin, square package toward her. "Open this one first, May!"

"Okay," May says warily, taking the package from her dad. "Why are you all looking at me like that?" She laughs nervously as they all just continue to smile at her. She opens the card on the top of the gift and reads it out loud. "To my gorgeous girlfriend, May. Merry Christmas, Ben." May purposely avoids the gaze of her family and blushes as she begins to rip the paper open.

Once the paper is gone, May holds in her hands a first pressing of "Some Girls," her favorite Rolling Stones album. She is speechless until she examines it further and sees their autographs with a personalized message to her across the front. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

"Language, May!" May's mother exclaims, as May's dad says, "I think she likes it, son!"

May looks over at Claire and Ben's face is on her computer screen grinning like a lunatic. "You asshole! I can't believe you did this! How?"

"I have my ways, darling. I loved your gifts too, by the way," Ben says, pointing his computer at the basket of all of his favorite barbecue sauces and sweets from Nashville along with a container full of Nicole's cookies, then pointing it back at him wearing the robe she got him.

"Oh my God, I don't know why I even bothered! What even! BEN!"

Ben laughs, obviously pleased with himself. "Stop it, May. You're gifts are lovely. I don't want to take up any more of your family's Christmas and I have to head to my mum's. I just wanted to watch you open it! It was nice to meet you Nicole and Clay, over the computer anyway."

"You too, son! You'll have to come see us sometime!" Clay says excitedly.

"Of course, I'd love that sir."

"Bye, Ben!" May calls out, waving her hands and as he winks at her and ends the call. She hugs her present to her chest and vows to herself that when she sees Ben again, she is going to give him the biggest thank you she's ever given anyone.


	18. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a little piece I wrote that I didn’t think fit in with the last chapter or the next chapter. You get to see a little bit of what is going through Ben’s head because it’s always nice to know what people are thinking :). Thank you SO MUCH to lexfritter/lexfritterwrites (on tumblr! lexilulu here!) for being amazing and BRAVE and a great beta! And thank you to all of you. I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS CLUB RIGHT NOW! Oh, this is totally NSFW.

Watch me tonight  
With your telescope heart  
and your telescope eyes.   
Phebe Starr - Telescopes

As Ben travels home from his mum and dad’s, he thinks about May’s face as she opened her gift. He had never been more excited to give someone something in his life and it had been well worth the trouble he had to go through to get it.

May has been a surprising addition to his life. A good surprise, obviously. He can admit to himself that he hasn’t been the best at relationships since he split with Olivia, but he just didn’t see the point in wasting his time on someone that he couldn’t see himself spending forever with. Ben doesn’t want to jump to conclusions that May is that person just yet, but he feels that perhaps she could be.

She is smart, funny, breathtakingly gorgeous. She is patient with him, allows him to have his moments of whinging but will stop him when it’s necessary. She indulges him when he goes off about this or that, and he never feels like he’s boring her. Being with her is like being home, like you can relax and say and feel and do what you want without fear of judgement. It doesn’t hurt, he thinks, that she is incredible in bed, full of curiosity and open to anything. The way she explores his body makes him feel like a giant. In turn, he can never get enough of her body, all pillowy curves and soft skin.

When Ben walks into his house, he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He sets a bag full of leftovers and Christmas presents on his kitchen counter and checks to see what it was.

May: What are you up to?

Ben: Just got home from mum and dad’s. You?

May: FaceTime?

Ben: Of course, give me a second to get settled.

Ben puts up the food, leaves the presents on the counter, and goes to his office. He sits down at his computer and sends in the call. May answers immediately.

“Hi,” May says quietly.

“Ahh, hello gorgeous. To what do I owe the pleasure of your beautiful face?”

“I just wanted to say thank you again for my gift. It’s the most thoughtful and extravagant and best thing any one has ever given me. I’m including the gift of life in this, by the way.”

“That’s quite the comparison,” Ben says, smiling at her earnestness. “I really am glad you loved it. I wanted to wait to give it to you when we got back but I couldn’t stand it.”

“I would be the same way if I had something like that to give someone.”

“My present was lovely as well. The robe is gorgeous, I’ve actually been coveting it for a while.”

“I know, I heard,” May says, winking at him. “So, I got you something else, and I wanted to wait to give it to you when we got back to Nashville but I figured this was as good a time as any.”

May adjusts her computer away from her and Ben is treated to her creamy breasts wrapped in a purple lace push up bra and he can just see the top of what looks to be matching panties. Ben feels himself instantly harden as he subconsciously leans closer to the screen.

“Ah, May, you look divine.”

“You really think so?” she asks, blushing.

“Oh yes.” Ben bites his lip and leans back in his chair.

“So, I was thinking,” May says conversationally, “that maybe we could try something. I mean, since we’re going to be apart soon.”

“Yes? What’s that?” Ben asks, warmth traveling through his body.

“I think you should take off your shirt.”

Ben pulls it off without question and looks at her with a half smile.

“Yes, that’s good. Very good,” May says, staring at his bare chest. “I think you should take off your pants too. Both of them,” she says before he can ask her which ones.

Ben does this too and is treated to a sigh on May’s end.

“Ah, I’m glad you seem to like my outfit,” May says upon seeing him hard. “You really do have a gorgeous cock, Benedict.”

Ben sits back down and angles his camera down so that she can see most of him. “I’m glad you think so, darling. So, do I get to make any requests?”

“It wouldn’t be very fun if you couldn’t,” May says, winking.

“Mmm, pull your bra down a bit so I can see your breasts. I don’t want you to take it off, it’s far too pretty.”

May pulls down the cups to reveal more of her breasts and nipples. She bites her lip and looks back at the computer screen.

“Yes, yes, very good,” Ben purrs. “Now, I want you to pinch your nipples, both at the same time. Make them hard for me.”

May does and her head falls back slightly at the feeling. Once both of her nipples are hard, she smooths her hands over her breasts and pushes them together before moving her hands back to her sides. Breathing hard, voice a bit high pitched, she asks Ben, “how was that?”

“Gorgeous,” he says, his voice even deeper than usual.

“My turn,” May says with a cheeky grin. “Run a hand down your chest, slowly, I want to see your fingers move when they go over your abs. Yes, like that. Scoot back a little, I want to see, yes perfect. Now, I want you to take your gorgeous cock in your hand, lightly, and stroke. Tell me how it feels.”

Ben strokes himself as he watches her hands play with her tits again. “It would feel so much better if you were here. God, you have perfect breasts.”

“They are nice, aren’t they,” May says, pushing them together once more.

“May, put your computer at the end of the bed. I want you to take off your panties, lean against the headboard and spread your legs for me, please.”

May takes off her panties, leans back against the headboard, and pulls the computer right in front of her so that he can see her entire body in the screen.

“Christ, baby,” Ben says, stroking a bit lighter, not wanting to finish too soon. “Alright, spread your lips apart for me, yes, baby, just like that. God, you’re so wet. Now, rub your clit, mmmm, how does it feel?” He asks as her body stretches and she pokes her tits out even more.

“Oh God, so good. What now, Ben?” May asks breathlessly.

“I want you to put two fingers inside yourself, I want you to pretend they’re mine. Yes, tell me what it feels like inside you.”

“Really warm, ahh, slippery, soft,” May sighs out quietly, pushing her fingers in and out of herself.

“Pull your fingers out and taste them,” Ben groans and begins pumping himself a bit faster watching her taste herself. “Now, put them back down there, and use your other hand to draw circles around your clit. Yes, yes, May. Perfect.”

“Oh God, Ben, I’m not gonna last long,” May says, trying to keep her voice quiet while feeling the warmth of her orgasm starting in her belly.

“Add a third finger, baby, I want you to stretch for me. Yessss,” Ben hisses as he watches her obey him, and thanks God for the sensitive microphone on her computer that allows him to hear her fingers slip and slide in and out of her cunt.

“Fuck, Ben,” May breathes out, and Ben watches her hips move in time with her hands. He’s witnessed enough of her orgasms to know when she’s close.

“Come for me, darling,” Ben breathes out and she does. Watching her body tense and stretch with her orgasm and hearing her little noises sets off his own orgasm, and as his nerves light up, all he can think of is her face awash in ecstasy.

Once they’re both done, they look at their screens and smile at each other.

“Merry Christmas, Ben,” May says grinning.

“It’s Boxing Day, actually.”

“Well, happy Boxing Day, then. I’ve gotta go, I think I hear someone moving around in the hall way.”

“Wait,” Ben says as he watches her pull her bra back up and then reach for the computer.

“What is it?”

“Best gift ever, and I’m including the gift of life in there.”

“Goodbye Benedict,” May laughs before she signs off.

Ben leans back in his chair, takes a deep breath and lets it out. May is certainly a surprising addition to his life, a very good one, and as he stands up and puts his clothes back on, he promises himself that he will do everything he can to make this work.


	19. The Weight Of Living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to lexfritter/lexfritterwrites (tumblr) for being someone I can tell about my new big cereal bowl and also for being the best beta in the world! Thank you to all of you for reading and kudo-ing! It means the wooooorld to me, really! Every kudo makes my day at work that much less shit-like! Anyways, this chapter is NSFW. I hope you all enjoy!

Though it’s soaring still above your head,  
It is out of sight and none can see.  
Bastille - The Weight Of Living, Pt. I

 

It is the first day back after Christmas vacation and May and Ben haven’t seen each other yet. They’ve texted back and forth all day but every time Ben’s had a break, May has been running errands. Likewise, whenever May would have downtime, Ben would be shooting a scene or going over rewrites.

Ben’s PA was over her sickness so he had returned to his hotel upon arriving back in the states. May kept her disappointment to herself that she wouldn’t be seeing Ben every night anymore, especially now that they only had two weeks left with each other.

May is just making her way to the accounting office to drop off Claire’s travel expenses when her phone begins to buzz. She has just enough time to pull her phone out of her back pocket and see that she has a text from Ben before a hand grabs her arm and pulls her into an empty office.

"Ahhhh-" May starts to yell before Ben shuts the door and his lips crash down on hers. His hands are around her neck, tilting her head back so that he can explore her mouth freely with his tongue. May moans into the kiss, her lips as eager as his now that her shock has subsided. Her hands drop the papers she’s holding to grab his shirt and pull him closer, then wrapping around him to grab his ass. Ben’s hands shift, pulling her shirt and bra down and exposing her breasts. He deftly kisses down her neck, bites at her clavicle, and drags his tongue to a nipple and sucks it into his mouth while he pinches the other.

May is trying her best to keep quiet by biting her lips as her hands thread through Benedict’s hair. She looks down at him just in time to see him tug on her nipple with his teeth. “Oh my God,” May whispers. Ben lets go of the nipple, stands back up and begins kissing her neck. His hands move down to her pants this time, unbuttoning and unzipping them. As he slides his hand down into her panties, he places his forehead softly on hers and their eyes lock together. His fingers dip into her slit gently, barely going inside. May widens her stance a bit just as his fingers begin to go deeper, and she must be dripping because in no time his fingers are slipping deep into her cunt.

"I love how wet you get for me, darling," Ben whispers into her ear before biting her lobe and tugging. His thumb begins to rub against her clit and May is losing her mind. She begins to slip down the wall from pleasure but Ben takes his free arm and wraps it around her waist to hold her up. "Look at me, May. I want you to look at me when you come."

At hearing Ben’s gravelly, sultry voice command her, she can feel her orgasm start to build in her center. She looks directly at him and the lust in his eyes is all she needs to be sent over the edge. As the warmth of her orgasm pulses throughout her body, she stares at the smooth planes of Ben’s face, the shape of his eyes, the slight parting of his lips. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer she closes them tight, and Ben moves his lips to her ear, whispering how much he missed her, how glad he is to see her, how much she means to him.

Ben continues to hold her until she comes down, and he sucks her off of his fingers while he waits. Once her breathing returns to normal she opens her eyes and smiles at him. He returns it and kisses her quickly on the mouth.

"I don’t have much time. I just saw you and I couldn’t help myself," Ben says, looking shy now.

"It’s all right, I completely understand. And I missed you too, so much." May kisses him again on the lips, lingering a bit. "I’ve gotta go turn this in," she says lamely, bending down to pick up the paperwork she dropped when he started kissing her.

"I’ve got to go run the new lines with Claire."

"Well, I guess I’ll see you later then," May says, smiling.

"Later," Ben says, kissing her again and leaving the room.

May takes a few minutes to gather her wits, fix her pants and then tries once more to make it to the accounting office.

***

"It’s so weird that we only have two more weeks left here. It feels like it’s gone so fast!" Claire says as she flips through her shooting schedule while riding home later that day.

"I know, it really has flown." May tries to keep her tone conversational, but really she wants to cry. How ridiculous is it, she thinks, that the town she ran so fast from before is the one that she is now reluctant to leave? Of course it’s not necessarily the place but a person, and it’s not like he’s going to be here any longer than she was. Still. "How does it feel to have your first leading role almost done?"

"It feels weird, actually. I can’t believe it. I mean, it’s like any other shoot, really. I think when it comes time to promote it, I’ll feel more like I’ve done something. It’s hard to explain." Claire looks at May who smiles at her.

"I know what you mean. I’m so proud of you, Claire. You’ve worked so hard to get here, and it’s rewarding for me to see you get things you deserve. You’re the best person I know, all of this couldn’t have happened to anyone better," May says simply.

"Awww, May-May! You’re gonna make me cry!" Claire exclaims, waving her hands in front of her eyes.

"Don’t do that!" May looks over at Claire in alarm. "I’m just saying, the work you’re doing is amazing, I can’t wait to see it on the big screen. Think of all the other work that’s going to come from this! No more clipping coupons!"

"May, I’ve never clipped a coupon in my life. That’s you!"

"Well, no more clipping coupons for me. I expect a huge raise," May says, winking at Claire.

"Whatever, you never accept my raises anyway!"

"It’s because they’re ridiculous. What do you want for dinner tonight?" May says hastily, changing the subject. "Can you eat regular food now?"

"I can now since we’re just doing pick ups. As long as I don’t gain a thousand pounds I should be fine. I think I want Chinese."

"Ooh, Chinese sounds amazing. I’ll order in. How are things going with you and the production assistant?"

"They’re not. I broke things off with her. She started to get clingy and as I’m not planning to take her back with me to L.A. I thought it best to end things," Claire says, flipping through a magazine now.

"How did she take it?"

"She wasn’t thrilled, but I’m sure she’ll live on," Claire says, smelling a perfume sample.

"Ah, to be dumped by the great Claire Griffin. What a story to tell!"

"Whatever, May Bell. How are things with you and Ben? Did you get to see him today?"

"Briefly," May says, blushing.

"Is he not coming over tonight?"

"Not tonight, he’s got a late shoot and he’s got to be back at the studio early."

"How are you feeling about leaving him soon? Are you guys going to stay together when this is over?" Claire asks, finally looking up at May.

"Yeah, we’re gonna make a go of it. God knows how it’ll turn out. I’ve never done the long distance thing before. I’ve never really done a real adult relationship before."

"It’ll be fine, May. Ben’s a good guy. You’ll just have to make time for each other! I bet your boss wouldn’t mind."

"I don’t know, she’s a pretty big bitch when it comes to schedules," May says, glancing sideways at Claire who laughs.

***

When they get home, Claire goes to take a shower and May goes to order the food. A few minutes later Ben calls her cell phone.

"Hey," May answers brightly.

"Hello, I don’t have long to talk," Ben says.

"That seems to be the theme of the day. Are you on a break?"

"I actually just asked to use to loo, but I really just wanted to hear your voice. I hate that I didn’t get to see you for long today, although what I did see was," Ben pauses to take a deep breath, "very nice."

"It was rather enjoyable. So, when do I get to see you? For longer than a quick finger fuck in an abandoned office, I mean," May asks as she pulls cash out of wallet to have ready for the delivery guy.

"I’m free Wednesday night. I’ve got to be at the studio early, but maybe I can come over and cook you and Claire dinner?"

"Ooh! That sounds nice actually! I don’t even remember the last time I ate something homemade that my mom didn’t make me!"

"That’s very sad, May."

"Isn’t it? Lucky for me I have a sexy boyfriend who is offering to rectify that." May hears a knock at the door. "Our food’s here," she says, grabbing the cash off the table.

"It’s alright, I have to go anyway. I’ll see you around set tomorrow?"

"I’ll be around. Good night, Ben."

"Goodnight, May."

***

"What is the point of being in the same town if we don’t even get to see each other?" Ben asks, slightly out of breath, over the phone the next day.

"You’re the one with the busy movie star schedule. I’m sitting in Claire’s trailer right now bored out of my fucking mind."

"What’s it like being bored? I’ve completely forgotten," Ben asks flippantly.

"Anyways. You’re still cooking for us tomorrow night, right? I promised Claire a home cooked meal and she’s a real bitch when she’s disappointed."

"Yes, she’s let me know that under no circumstances am I to not deliver on my promise. She said you’re a lousy cook, by the way."

"She is telling the truth. To be honest I don’t even care if you cook tomorrow, I just want to see you. I’m totally Google image-ing you right now."

"You are? Anything good?"

"There’s a lot of you and otters. Ooooh, wait. Jesus."

"What?" Ben asks, sounding nervous.

"You look ridiculous with long blond hair," May laughs out.

"I do."

"Well, wait a minute," May says, clicking through more pictures. "The more I look at it, the more it kinda turns me on. I think I might like it now."

"You are ridiculous."

"I’m not the one with napkins on my face while I’m eating lunch."

"Stop Googling me!" Ben says indignantly.

"If I want to see my boyfriend then Googling is all I have! Oh, dear," May says, stumbling across a picture of Ben as Khan. "Your ‘Khan’ hair was really fucking hot, Ben. I’m gonna have to let you go, I need a moment to myself."

"You can have the real thing tomorrow night, darling."

"Yes, but those dark bangs, Ben. Honestly, I’m soaking wet just looking at this picture." Ben growls and May laughs. "All right, maybe I just spilled coffee in my lap. I think I scrolled down too far anyway. I saw a drawing of Sherlock and John on a magic carpet which has oddly made me more jealous than the pictures of you with all the gorgeous blond women."

"You are still ridiculous. I miss you," Ben says.

"I miss you too. But I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll have a great time as long as you don’t burn anything!"

"I’ll try. I’ll call you later, alright?"

"I’ll try not to be busy," May says sarcastically. "Bye, Ben."

"Bye, May."

***

May and Claire are completely enamored watching Ben cook. They both stand at either arm while he slices an eggplant.

"I thought it would be more… egg-y?" Claire asks, confused.

"Me too. Why do they call it an eggplant if it’s nothing like an egg?" May asks, looking up at Ben as if it was his fault they called it that.

"It looked a lot different back when they named it. It was apparently the size of a goose egg," Ben says.

Claire and May start giggling.

"What is it?" Ben asks, alarmed.

"You said goose!" May and Claire say at the same time. "JINX!" They exclaim at each other and start laughing again. Ben rolls his eyes and continues slicing the eggplant.

Claire’s phone rings and she runs into her room to answer it. May moves closer to Ben. “So, watching you cook is more erotic than I thought it would be,” May says conversationally.

"Let’s see if you feel the same way after you taste it," he responds, giving May a kiss.

It turns out that Ben’s eggplant Parmesan is one of the best things that May and Claire have ever tasted. They both fawn over him and his culinary skills, thanking him profusely for cooking while he blushes and swats their compliments away with an airy hand gesture.

After dessert, a chocolate cake May picked up earlier in the day at her favorite bakery, Claire says her good nights and carries her laptop into her bedroom.

May gathers the plates and takes them to the kitchen to start washing them. Ben follows behind her.

"I can do that May," he says, trying to take a plate away from her.

"Hush. You cook, I clean. And apparently Claire sleeps," May laughs.

It doesn’t take May long to rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, and whe she’s done, she goes to Ben who is going over script notes.

"Are you staying tonight?" May asks.

"If it’s all right with you, I thought I would," Ben says, looking at May over his glasses.

"Yes, please." May reaches out for his hand and Ben takes it, following her into her room and shutting the door.

That night they make love slowly and sweetly, thoroughly exploring the other’s body. Neither of them voice their fears at how they’re going to make this work after leaving Nashville next week, choosing instead to enjoy the solace of being together as they fall asleep wrapped around each other.


	20. You Never Did Like This Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the end! It's all about to get heavy! Or heavier. Whatevs! This chapter is nsfw! Thanks to Lexi for being my beautiful beta! She's got a lot of really great stories over on lexilulu! Anyways, thank you all for reading and commenting! It keeps me going :)

And I miss you,  
I’m going back home to the west coast.  
I wish you,  
woulda put yourself in my suit case.

West Coast - Coconut Records

The last week flew by much to Ben and May’s disappointment. Ben had checked out of his hotel the previous night to spend the last couple of nights at May and Claire’s and right now they are all getting ready for the wrap party.

Ben and May haven’t discussed anything beyond tonight for fear of ruining their last few hours together. Instead, Ben is sitting on the couch flipping through channels while May and Claire are in the bathroom putting the final touches on their makeup.

"Have you guys talked yet?" Claire asks, applying another coat of mascara.

"Talked about what?"

"You and Ben are about to separated by like, a million miles," Claire says, screwing the cap of the mascara back on.

"He hasn’t brought it up either! I’m not going to ruin his wrap party for my feelings. I’m sure everything is fine, we’ll just make it work." May turns to have Claire check her makeup, and the look on Claire’s face is enough to make her eyes start watering. "Goddammit Claire, I just got my eyeliner perfect." May starts flapping her hands at her eyes to try and dry them off. "What am I supposed to say, anyway? ‘Hey, Ben, have you given any thought to how we’re going to make this work? Are you going to find some other chick who’s better than me? Why are you even bothering?’ See how stupid that sounds?"

"May, none of that is stupid. They’re legitimate questions! Promise me you’ll talk to him before the night is over."

"Alright, fine. How’s my makeup?"

"Beautiful. Mine?"

"Perfection."

Claire hugs May tightly. “I love you, May. Thank you for being here for me.”

May hugs her back. “Likewise, darlin’.”

They both walk out to the living room and once Ben sees them he stands. “You both look gorgeous!” He kisses Claire on the cheek, goes to May, wraps an arm around her and says, “especially my sexy girlfriend.” He kisses her on the temple. “Are we ready to go?”

"Oh shit! I forgot my lipstick! Be right back," Claire says, running back toward her bedroom.

"Are you okay, May?" Ben asks. "Your eyes are a little red."

"Oh, I poked myself in the eye with an eyeliner pencil."

"Both of them?" Ben asks, an eyebrow raised.

"I never said I was graceful," May says with a smile while Ben laughs.

Claire runs back into the room. “Got it! Ready to go now!”

***

The wrap party is a complete blast. Everyone has already had too much to drink which is why the studio insisted on having everyone picked up on what they deemed the “party bus.” Ben had hired a driver for himself, May, and Claire so that they could have the freedom to arrive and leave as they pleased.

After a night of drinking, dancing, eating, and laughing and long after the party bus had gone, May, Claire and a couple of the make up artists were still dancing. Ben and a couple of the crew are outside smoking some cigars one of the executives had left in an office when he came to visit.

Exhausted, May goes to the bar, grabs another drink and sits down at a table. She is feeling pleasantly buzzed and while the dancing had kept her mind of leaving Ben tomorrow, it was all that she could think about now that she is sitting still. A few minutes later, Claire sits next to her and puts her head on May’s shoulder.

"I’m tired, May-May. Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah. Let’s go find Ben."

After a couple tearful goodbyes and promises to stay in touch, May and Claire walk outside to find Benedict. They head toward the car and spot Ben laughing with one of the camera men. May catches his eye and smiles. Ben excuses himself and walks towards them.

"Are you two ready to go?" Ben asks, smelling deliciously like whiskey and cigar smoke.

"Yes, please," they both say at the same time.

Ben opens the door for them both and slides in after them. On the ride home Claire, a fair bit more drunk than May and Ben, dozes against the window. May leans her head on Ben’s shoulder and holds his hand tightly, memorizing the warmth of his skin, the smell of his coat, and the feel of his thumb rubbing circles on her wrist. Ben’s head leans on her own and neither of them speak until they arrive back to the house.

"Claire, we’re home," May says quietly, gently shaking Claire’s shoulder while Ben tips the driver.

Claire climbs out of the car after May and they all three walk up to the house, Claire straggling behind. May is unlocking the door when Ben puts his hands on her hips, leans forward, kisses her neck, and asks, “Do you remember the last time you unlocked this door while I was behind you?”

May smiles at the memory of Ben lifting up her skirt in his haste to touch her. “Yes. Yes I do.”

"Ugh, hurry up or I’m going to sleep on the ground, I swear to God, y’all," Claire drawls, her accent coming out as a side effect of her drunkenness.

May opens the door and Claire runs directly to her room while yelling goodnight to both of them.

"Did you want anything to drink?" May asks, dropping her keys on the table next to the door and walking to the kitchen.

"Water, if you have it."

May pulls two water bottles out of the fridge and hands one to Ben.

"So," May starts, trying to keep her voice level, "what time does your plane leave tomorrow?"

"I have a car picking me up here at five a.m." Ben looks directly at May, but she doesn’t meet his eye.

"Ah," she says, taking a drink of water.

"May," Ben starts, but is interrupted by May shaking her head. "May, we need to talk about this."

"I know, I know, and I want to," she begins, her voice starting to shake and her eyes beginning to water. "Let’s just pretend for right now that we’re a normal couple and we just got back from a party and we’re both drunk and we’re not going to be 6,000 miles away from each other this time tomor…"

This time Ben interrupts her with a kiss as he pulls her into his chest. May responds by wrapping her arms around his neck. Ben grabs the back of her thighs, wraps her legs around his waist, and carries her into her bedroom.

As soon as the door is shut they begin tearing off each other’s clothes. Once they’re completely undressed, May pushes Ben onto the bed and climbs on top of him, straddling his hips. Ben sits up and wraps an arm around May, using his other hand to wipe the tears steadily falling down her face.

"May, you’re so beautiful. I know we’ll talk everyday, and we can FaceTime, but I’m going to miss seeing your gorgeous face in person. I’m going to miss touching you, feeling you. My fingers ache thinking about it." He punctuates his statement by moving his hands up her thighs.

"Oh Ben," May says, taking his head in her hands and kissing lightly all over his face. "I can’t stand this. It’s never been like this for me. I’ve never missed anyone before, and I can’t stand the thought of leaving you. I’m going to miss you so much, I miss you already. I’m going to miss the faces you make, and your lips," May says, kissing his lips. "I’m going to miss the way you touch me in the middle of the night. I’m going to miss the noises you make when you sleep."

"Oy, I don’t make noises when I’m sleeping!" Ben exclaims, trying to lighten the mood even though his eyes are watering too.

"Oh, sweetie. You most certainly do. They’re cute noises and I’m going to miss them."

They sit staring at each other, each drinking the other in before Ben breaks the silence.

"Come here," Ben says quietly, sliding his hands on either side of her face and pulling her lips to his.

As they kiss, Ben and May’s hands roam over the other’s body, memorizing every inch of skin they can touch. When one of them touches a particularly sensitive area, the other moans in appreciation. Their kisses grow more and more desperate as their time together gets closer to ending.

Ben moves forward and lays May on her back and begins kissing down her body. He drags his tongue down her neck, leaving kisses intermittently on his way to her breasts. He kisses everywhere but where she wants him and when he finally takes a nipple in his mouth she’s already arching her back, trying to get closer to him.

"Fuck, Ben," May breathes out as Benedict sucks and licks at the taut bud while pinching the other between his fingers.

"I’m certainly going to miss these," Ben says as he switches sides.

"I’m going to miss having you - oh God - appreciate them," May whimpers. Ben hums in agreement as he laps at her other nipple.

Ben works his way down from there, kissing her stomach and caressing her sides with his warm hands. He moves further down, sliding off of the bed and onto his knees, pulling her down slightly, and putting her legs over his shoulders. “I’m certainly going to miss you coming apart on my tongue,” Ben says throatily just before he licks up her slit.

"Ahhh, I’m going to miss that too," May says as she grabs the back of Ben’s head and pushes him deeper into her. Ben hums contentedly and continues exploring her with his tongue.

May marvels at how well Ben has learned her body as in no time she is coming and whispering his name over and over and over.

Benedict kisses his way back up her body, stopping when his lips are hovering over hers. “May,” he says, sounding as if he was going to follow it with something else, but he doesn’t. Instead he slides himself into her as she wraps her legs around him, pulling him in as deep as he’ll go.

"Oh, Ben," May says, her tears starting again.

"Shhh, May, it’s alright," Ben says quietly, kissing her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her lips. "My beautiful May," he whispers into her ear while kissing her neck and her shoulders.

May wraps her arms around Ben, wanting so much to tell him how much he means to her, how important he’s been to her dealing with her past, how much better he’s made her life. She wants to beg him to take her with him back to England, she wants to tell him that he’s worth leaving everything behind. She wants to tell Benedict that she’s not even sure what love is, but that she thinks she might feel it for him. May wants to say these things, but she knows that she shouldn’t so she doesn’t. Instead, she looks into Ben’s watery eyes and smiles.

Later, May lies awake in bed contemplating turning Ben’s alarm off so that she can have him for just a little while longer, oblivious to the fact that Ben is also awake and thinking the same thing.

***

Two Weeks Later

"May! May-May! Maaaaaaay!"

"Fuck me, Claire! I’m trying to make your hair appointment! I can’t do that when you’re screaming at me! Oh, sorry. Yes, ma’am, Tuesday would be fine."

"Well, excuse me! I was just going to see if you would make it for Wednesday, I have plans on Tuesday."

"I’m sorry," May says to the lady on the phone, rolling her eyes, "Tuesday is no longer an option. Do you have anything on Wednesday? Two o’clock is perfect." May glares at Claire as if to dare her to change it up again. "Thank you so much. We’ll see you then."

"You’ve been snappy all week, May! What’s your problem?" Claire asks from her couch.

"I don’t have a problem, Claire. I’ve been running myself non-stop for the past two weeks. I haven’t had a minute to myself and that’s fine. I enjoy being busy. I’m just tired. I’m sorry I snapped at you."

"Ben needs to hurry up and get here. You need to get laid."

It takes everything within May not to throttle her. Claire has been in high demand since she’s returned from Nashville. The director of the movie she just completed has been spreading word that Claire is amazing and now everyone wants her to read for them.

While May is extremely proud of Claire, she is not equipped to be her assistant, her accountant, and her best friend all at the same time. In her more tired moments, May has contemplated venturing back into the business world, but then she remembers what she was like then, comes back to her senses and fetches Claire some more coffee.

May and Ben speak everyday and things have been going surprisingly well. May misses him like crazy, of course, but she’s been too busy to be upset about it. Luckily, Ben is coming in tonight for a meeting with a director and he’s staying for the weekend.

"Are you sure you’re going to be okay when Ben is here?" May asks Claire for the thousandth time.

"Yes, May. I got along just fine before you were here, I can handle two days alone!" Claire huffs indignantly.

"Just making sure," May says, forcing a smile.

Five hours later, May has just finished cleaning her apartment for the first time in four months when her phone goes off. She assumes it’s Ben so she picks it up without looking.

"Hey! Are you here?!"

"Um, is this May Bell?" A slightly amused male voice asks.

"Yes! Yes, this is May! I’m so sorry. I thought you were a friend!" May rubs her hand over her face.

"It’s quite alright, it’s nice to have someone be excited when I call. My name is Chuck, by the way. Chuck Smith. I got your number from Joe, the gyro guy?" Chuck sounds shy and nervous.

"Ah yes, gyro Joe is what we called him in college. What can I do for you Chuck?"

"Well, I run a non-profit in New York City called TBD."

"TBD? As in ‘to be determined?" Claire asks.

"Yeah! Basically we help homeless people rehabilitate and get off the streets when they’re ready."

"That sounds great, Chuck. Are you looking for donations?" May asks, slightly confused.

"Oh, no, nothing like that. We’ve been having some issues with money and while we’ve got a lot of great people on board, none of them know shit about how to handle the business side of things. I was talking to Joe the other day and he said you were the best with that stuff so I should give you a call."

In the middle of Chuck’s speech, May gets a knock on her door and she opens it to see Ben looking completely exhausted. She makes a sad face at how tired he seems and lets him in. May mouths a silent “sorry” to Ben while pointing at the phone. She waves for him to follower her into her bedroom and he does. 

"So do you need me to consult?" May asks, watching Ben fall face down on the bed. She sits next to him and rubs his back while she waits to figure out what Chuck is calling for.

"We’d like to offer you a job. I was hoping to come out there later next week and make an official offer, but I just wanted to see if it was something you’d be at all interested in?" Chuck still sounds nervous, but hopeful.

"Wow. Um, well I’d definitely love to hear more about it, but I’m going to need some time to think on it. Let me know when you’re ready to come out and I’ll make sure my schedule is clear." Ben sits up and raises an eyebrow at May. She responds by playing with a random curl hanging on his forehead and making a face at him as he laughs.

"That’s great! I’ll get some things drawn up with our lawyers and I’ll let you know as soon as my plans are concrete! Thank you so much for considering it!"

"Thank you for thinking of me! Or for trusting Joe, I should say," May chuckles.

"You should hear from me early next week. It’s been a pleasure talking with you May!"

"Likewise. Talk to you soon," May says and ends the call. She looks at Ben and smiles big. "Hi there."

"Hey, beautiful," Ben says, leaning forward and kissing her. "What was all that about?"

"Remember my friend Joe at the music festival? The one with the gyros?"

Ben smiles at the memory and nods.

"Well, apparently he knows this guy Chuck who I was just talking to. They have a non-profit where they help homeless people and they suck at money so they want to hire me on to help."

"May, that’s great!"

"Joe probably just threw my name up and they were desperate. Regardless though, wouldn’t that be amazing? I mean, if I’m going to go back into business, a charity would be a great place to start. There’s not a lot of room for me to turn into a raging bitch there. At least I hope not," May says, grimacing.

"You’re not a raging bitch. You’d be amazing! Where are they located?" Ben asks.

"New York City."

"Really. Wow. That’s a big change from L.A." Ben says.

"It is, but I feel like I need a change. Ever since we got back from Nashville I just haven’t felt right. I mean, obviously I’ve been missing you," May says, caressing the side of his face, "but it was more than that. I think I’m done here."

"Well, I support you no matter what. Plus, New York is much closer than L.A."

"It is, isn’t it? Still on a different continent though."

"I’m here now," Ben says, smiling. 

"You are here now and you’re looking tired. Did you want to sleep?" May asks before kissing him again.

The kiss turns heated fast and Ben pulls back, shaking his head. “Darling, I could think of about a million things I’d rather do in this bed rather than sleeping in it.” With that he pounces on May, who laughs and squeals but doesn’t put up a fight.


	21. Smother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry.

I sometimes wish I’d stayed inside  
my mother,  
Never to come out.  
Daughter - Smother

 

"Oh, May. Fuck yes, right there. Harder, harder, ahhhggghhhhh," Ben cries out, his face smashed into the pillow.

May continues pressing into him as hard as she dares. “If I press any harder I’m going to go completely through you, Ben!”

"Nooooo, just keep doing it, please."

"Let me check the video again," May says, removing the heel of her hand from Ben’s back and reaching over to her laptop. She presses the space-bar to play the video and watches intently as the masseuse describes how this particular massage should be done. "See, she says not to press too hard! I don’t want to bust your kidney open," May chides, leaning down to kiss his back where she was pressing. She closes her laptop and pushes it aside so she can lay next to Ben. "How are you feeling?"

"Old." Ben opens his eyes and frowns at May. "I can’t believe I pulled a muscle having sex."

May rolls her eyes. “You slipped in the shower! It was my fault for using too much conditioner. I should have those thingies you put in the bottom to keep you from slipping. Or one of those bars!”

"Oh God, my mum and dad have those bars in their shower," Ben says, putting his face directly into the pillow this time.

"Benedict, you’re worse than Claire! Now, get up and get dressed because I have to have you at the airport in an hour."

"In such a hurry to get rid of your old man boyfriend."

"Yes, I have an appointment with a younger man with grippy feet," May jokes as she climbs off the bed and slaps Ben on the butt. "And I’d rather you not leave if I get a choice in the matter."

"Ah I don’t even get a choice in the matter," Ben says, gingerly getting up from the bed. "I’ve got ‘Hamlet’ rehearsals that I can’t miss."

"Yeah, yeah," May says dejectedly, pulling Ben’s suitcase up on the bed. "I think I’ve got everything washed and put in here."

"You didn’t have to do my washing, May." Ben comes up behind her and kisses her neck.

"I can’t have you flying across the world with smelly clothes. They might not let you back in." May turns around in Ben’s arms and hugs him. "I really hate this," she mumbles against his chest.

"I know. I hate it too. But we said we’d make it work and we’re going to. You’re still coming in two weeks, right?" Ben had invited her out to one of his friend’s film premieres in London. May had jumped at the chance as she had surprisingly never been to London before. Ben smiled as she became giddy thinking of all the places she wanted to go and Ben promised to take her wherever she wanted, time permitting.

"Yes! I squared it with Claire and I bought my tickets last night while you were sleeping. It’s so weird thinking I might not have to run things by her anymore."

"I’m so excited to show you around London, May. It means a lot, you coming out," Ben says, looking into her eyes.

May smiles at him. “Yes, yes, it’s such a big hassle, me flying out to see my boyfriend in a town I’ve always wanted to see and not have to pay some exorbitant hotel fee. This is purely selfish, Ben. I’m totally using you for a cheap vacation.”

"Ha!" Ben laughs out. "I’ll take you however I can get you."

May laughs and hugs him again. “Do you need me to carry your suitcase or do you think you can manage?”

Ben takes a deep breath of annoyance and grabs the suitcase off the bed while May laughs and grabs her keys. Ben follows her to the front door where she turns around and blocks his exit. “Now, you’re sure you wanna do this whole ‘Hamlet’ thing instead of staying here and being my concubine? I mean, if I end up taking this job in New York then you could come there too. I don’t care where you concubine at.”

"As lovely as that sounds, I think I shouldn’t let the people at the theater down," Ben says before he kisses her on the nose.

May moves out of his way and locks the door with a huff. “It was worth a try!”

***

The week flies by and Thursday takes May by surprise. She’s barely spoken to Ben between running after Claire and Ben’s seemingly non-stop rehearsals. As she drives to Claire’s apartment she takes a chance that he’ll be free so she can tell him about the lunch she’s just had with Chuck.

"Hello gorgeous," Ben answers on the second ring, sounding incredibly tired.

"Ben! I just got done meeting with Chuck."

"Really! How did it go?" Ben asks excitedly.

"It went amazing. I’m taking the job. I haven’t officially accepted yet as I wanted to talk to Claire first but I’m so excited! It’s completely shit pay but it would be so worth it to help them with the work they’re doing. It’s amazing! They help rehabilitate people on the streets, they get them into counseling, they get them into rehab when and if they’re ready. They set up housing for them, and help them find jobs! I cannot wait to get out there!"

"That’s amazing, May! I’m so proud of you!"

"Thank you, thank you. You sound exhausted, by the way," May says matter-of-factly.

"Thank you, thank you," Ben says with a chuckle. "I’ve been working a lot. I’m so ready for you to come out here. I’ve got so many things for us to do! All of my friends are dying to meet you," Ben says, sounding more awake now.

"Oh God, that makes me nervous."

"They’re going to adore you just like I do," Ben says fondly, making May grin. "What are you most excited about seeing when you get here?"

"Big Ben," May says, laughing.

"I’m excited for you to see Big Ben, to be honest. He misses you almost as much as I do."

"I’ll bet he does," May says, turning into Claire’s driveway. "I wish there was a cool innuendo with my name so I could tell you that my vagina misses you too but there’s not." Ben laughs heartily at that and May smiles. "I love your laugh, Ben. Especially when you’re laughing at something hilarious I’ve said."

"You’re ridiculous, darling."

"You love it."

"I do."

***

As soon as May lifts her hand to knock on the door, Claire is already opening it and pulling her inside. Claire slams her door and rounds on May.

"I can’t fucking believe this, May! You were supposed to protect me from shit like this!" Claire snarls.

"What the fuck are you talking about? What happened?" May asked, scared to hear the answer.

"The girl I was screwing in Nashville sold our relationship to the tabloids!" May can tell Claire is only yelling to keep herself from crying.

"How do you even know? I haven’t even seen the news this morning," May says guiltily, knowing it’s because she was interviewing for another job.

Claire paces her living room with her hands on her head. “It’s fucking EVERYWHERE, May! Everyone’s covering it! They have texts we sent to each other! E-mails! Joe is trying to do damage control. You were supposed to be on top of this when we were in Nashville! If you couldn’t handle it you should have just told that to Joe!”

"If I recall, you kept that relationship FROM me, Claire! And you assured me that she was fine! What was I supposed to fucking do, put a private investigator on her? Did you want me not trust your judgement?"

"Don’t blame this on me!" Claire exclaims in a high pitched voice. "This isn’t my fault!"

"No, it’s not your fault. I hate that your sexuality had to come out like this, it should have been on your own terms. But it’s out and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it other than accept it. Everyone loves you Claire. You’re an amazing actress and no one important is going to even bat an eyelash at this. The public is going to side with you, not some random girl trying to make a quick buck by outing you!"

Claire finally stops pacing and looks at May. “My parents will care. They won’t side with me.”

"Claire."

"The day you called me from Nashville, I got a call from them. I was so excited, I thought maybe they had come to their senses and they wanted to claim me again. They were just checking to see if I was still gay because they hadn’t heard anything about it in the tabloids. They were very disappointed. I can’t imagine what they’re thinking now," Claire says angrily, her eyes full of tears.

"Claire, fuck your parents. Honestly, fuck them. I know you love them, I don’t know why, but I know you do. But you have got to stop letting them make you scared! You have SO many people who love you! Literally NO one cares that you’re gay except for them! They’re horrible people! If they don’t love you for the amazing person you are then that’s just too fucking bad for them!"

"They’re my parents, May! Being in the closet was the one thing I had done that made them somewhat happy!"

May grabs Claire by the shoulders and looks her directly in the eye. She tries hard to keep her voice steady but she completely fails. “You listen to me, Claire Griffin. I love you. I love you so much, like you’re my own blood. We’ve been best friends for our whole lives. You are my family. My parents love you just as much as I do, probably more because they don’t have to work for you,” May says, trying to get a smile out of Claire. “You have great friends, you have an awesome career. You, Claire, are one of the greatest people in this entire world. Your mom and dad are cunts. They are petty and stupid and they are sorely missing out on knowing you. I don’t give a fuck if they’re not happy and you shouldn’t either.”

Claire looks at May, her chin wobbling. “I love you, May-May,” she says, and lies her head on May’s shoulder and sobs. May sits up with her all night watching the news stories where the response seems to be mostly sympathetic towards Claire. They talk and laugh and cry and eventually Claire falls asleep with her head in May’s lap.

After carefully replacing her leg with a pillow, May goes into Claire’s bedroom and calls Ben.

"Hey," Ben says sounding sympathetic.

"So I guess you’ve seen the news then." May knows her voice sounds tired.

"I did, and I’m sorry for Claire. It must be hard to have your business to be laid out like that. It’s fucking ludicrous."

"It is. It’s been insane, Ben. She’s so upset, and it’s not even because everyone knows her business. It’s because of her parents. After all this time she still cares what they think. I’ve been up with her all night. I’m so exhausted."

"It’s difficult to not be affected by what your parents think," Ben says wisely. "But soon you’ll be here with me and get a break from the circus."

There’s an awkward silence as May tries to build up courage. “That’s actually why I’m calling. I’m not going to be able to make it out, I can’t leave Claire like this.”

"May, what can you do for her?"

"I can be here for her! I can’t leave her when she’s like this!"

"You’re not leaving for a week! Surely she’ll be okay by then! You’re about to take on a new job, she needs to learn how to cope with these things by herself anyway!"

"I can’t take that job right now! Claire needs me!"

"You’re going to give up on a great opportunity to better yourself so you can stay with your best friend and hang out? Do you realize how bloody childish that is?"

"How is it childish to want to be there for my best friend?" May asks heatedly.

"It’s childish because you’re trying to be a martyr for some ridiculous shit you did years ago! You don’t owe anyone anything! Why are you giving up on a great opportunity just because your friend is having a bad day?"

"Why are you being such an asshole right now? I’m sorry I’m being loyal to my friend! I’m sorry I feel bad for being a shitty person! You don’t understand, Ben. You don’t understand what it’s like for me. I feel guilty ALL the time! I feel like a shitty person ALL the time! What kind of person would I be if I left her right now to go on vacation?"

Ben’s voice rises as his temper flares. “You would be someone who is keeping plans with her boyfriend! I’ve got everything planned, May! It’s not a vacation, you’re coming to see ME!”

"I fucking KNOW that! I’d much rather be coming to see you! I want to be there, Ben! Don’t you think that I’d love to come see you? You know how excited I am for this trip! I hate that this is happening!"

"It’s happening because you’re letting it happen! You act like Claire is a complete invalid, that she can’t take care of herself! You’re not her hero, May. You’re not proving anything by making yourself and quite frankly, me, miserable!" Ben yells.

"Fuck you, Ben. You have no idea what it’s like."

"I suppose not, May. I have to go."

"Bye," May says angrily, ending the call and throwing the phone across the room. She growls before opening the bedroom door to be face to face with Claire. "Shit. How much of that did you hear?"

"Everything starting from ‘I can’t take that job right now,’" Claire says quietly.

"I’m sorry, Claire. I didn’t want you to hear it that way. But I’m not taking it, so it’s okay," May says guiltily.

"What kind of job is it?"

"It’s a non-profit in New York City. Joe, the one I went to school with, had told them about me and they want me to come out and help them with the business side of things but…"

"Do you want to do it?" Claire asks.

"It doesn’t matter, I’m going to call them and decline," May says, trying to get the conversation to go a different way but Claire interrupts her.

"Look, I’ve always known you wouldn’t stay out here with me forever. I could hire another personal assistant in a second. I’ve been incredibly selfish keeping you out here as long as I have. You’re way too talented for this job, May."

"You act like you’re such an easy person to work for," May says, half smiling. "I can’t stand the thought of leaving you. But yes, the job sounds amazing. I would be making shit for money, but it sounds incredibly rewarding."

"I think you should do it."

"Claire…"

"No, I think you should do it. I want you to do it. And I want you to see Ben next week."

"He’s an asshole. I’m not going out there unless he apologizes."

"May, he was annoyed! I’d be annoyed if I were him too," Claire says, rubbing May’s shoulder.

"Well he can stay annoyed," May says and Claire smirks. "Anyways, I’ve apparently got to help you look for my replacement anyway, so I’m going to be busy."

"You’re gonna take it?"

"If you’re okay with it, then yes. I think it’s time I move on."

***

It’s been a week and May still hasn’t heard from Ben. She has, however, accepted the job in New York City and has already found an apartment. Her official start date is the first of March and she is more excited than she’s ever been in her life. She only wishes she could call Ben and tell him about it, but her pride keeps her from doing so.

The night of the premiere that she was supposed to go to with him, May gets a text from Ben. She feels her heart swell with hope and relief until she opens up the text and sees that it’s a selfie with Ben and a gorgeous red head looking drunk, seemingly having the time of their lives. May is sure that the text wasn’t meant for her so she doesn’t respond. Instead she washes a couple of sleeping pills down with a glass of wine and watches movies until she falls asleep.

The next day, May is at Claire’s to give a second interview to a promising replacement for herself. This interview involves Claire and it goes over swimmingly. May shows the girl out and turns to Claire.

"What did you think of her? I really like her. I think she’d be great for you!"

"I liked her too. She’s funny! All the other people were boring, but she’s got a good sense of humor."

"She has my seal of approval. I’ve called her references and some of her old bosses and they all said great things about her. Do you think she’s the one?"

"You know, I think she is. When should we put in an offer?"

"I can call her tomorrow and we can all go out to lunch. That’ll give me a couple of weeks to train her before I leave," May says thoughtfully, plugging the tentative plans into her phone.

"That sounds good. I really appreciate you hanging around for this! Apparently I’m horrible at judging people."

"No, that girl was just a cu…" May stops, takes a deep breath to calm herself and continues. "She was not a nice person. Don’t blame yourself for her actions." May feels her phone vibrating and jumps when she sees who it is. "It’s Ben," May says to Claire, wide eyed.

"Are you going to answer it?" Claire asks incredulously.

"Ugh," May groans before answering, her stomach full of butterflies. "Hello?"

"Hello, May," Ben says, sounding worse for wear.

"You sound great, Ben. Fun night?" May asks in a flat voice.

May hears Ben take a deep breath and let it out. “I’m really sorry about the text. It wasn’t meant for you. It was meant for my friend’s boyfriend, Mark.”

"I assumed."

"She’s just a friend."

"I assumed."

"May, I’m sorry. I’m sorry we fought and I’m sorry that I haven’t called. I’ve been a real arsehole."

"I’m sorry too. Everything was just so bad. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you," May says in a rush. "I’m sorry I didn’t call you either. I’ve wanted to so many times."

May hears Ben take another breath. “I don’t know how to say this, May.”

May’s stomach drops and she looks at Claire. “Just say it.”

"I don’t think this is going to work, this long distance thing."

"Ah, yeah." May feels a shock of pain shoot through her body at what is happening.

"You feel it too, right? I care about you a lot, and we’ve had so much fun together. But this distance, who are we kidding, really?"

Every word Ben says feels like a punch to May’s gut. She’s unsure of how to react so she just stares at Claire who keeps silently asking what’s happening. “Yeah,” May says lamely.

"We can still be friends, though. I still want you in my life."

"Of course. Friends. Um. I have to go, uh, fold something. It was good talking to you."

"Wait, May…" Ben says quickly, but May ends the call anyway and continues to stare at Claire. May immediately wants to run and hide.

"That fucker," Claire growls. "What the fuck did he say?"

"We are kidding ourselves with the distance. Apparently I feel it too," May says, wiping her face, surprised to find tears there. "He said we can still be friends, so there’s that."

"May…" Claire says, unsure of how to act.

"It’s fine. I just need to take a walk, clear my head. It’ll be fine." May stands up and grabs her sunglasses from her purse and walks outside to see Claire’s parents and their pastor walking towards Claire’s front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter tomorrow and Friday. The chapter Friday will be the end!


	22. Lately

Lately, I don’t think of you at all  
Or wonder what you’re up to  
Or how you’re getting on.  
I never think of calling you   
Or how things could have been  
Or wonder where you sleep at night  
Or whose arms you wake in.   
I never lay awake at night staring in my bed.  
And I don’t think about your face  
Or anything you said.   
And I don’t think twice when someone says your name,  
Or twist my mind in circles wondering which of us to blame.   
Lately - The Helio Sequence

 

May quickly shuts the door and runs down the sidewalk to cut Claire’s parents off. “What are you doing here?”

"We’ve come to help Claire, May. You should go," Claire’s father says sternly.

"I’m not leaving until you tell me why you’re here and why you brought Pastor Todd with you," May says, acknowledging the pastor of her childhood with a nod.

"We’ve come to take her home, get her straightened up. This charade has gone on long enough," Claire’s mom exhales hotly.

"You’re all fucking looney toons. Sorry Pastor," May adds. "You need to turn around and go home. Claire is fine, there’s nothing wrong with her." May tries her best to keep her voice down, not wanting to cause a scene in case there were paparazzi hiding in the bushes.

"This is all your fault, Miss Bell! You and your heathen parents and your bohemian lifestyle. If you had just let Claire come home, none of this would have happened," Claire’s mom continues, stepping closer to May.

At the mention of her parents, May completely loses it and steps toe to toe with Claire’s mom. “Who the FUCK do you think you are? You gave up your right as parents when you kicked her out for being gay! You don’t DESERVE Claire as a daughter! Your ONLY child, who still loves you by the way, is torn up in there because she’s scared she’s finally ruined the ONE THING you were proud of her for! Hiding herself!”

"You have no idea what you’re talking about," Claire’s father yells back.

"No, sir, YOU have no idea. You have no idea how much of a prick you’ve been, otherwise you wouldn’t be showing your face here! Get the fuck off Claire’s property before I call the fucking police on your ass!"

"Don’t you dare talk to my husband in that tone, young lady!" Claire’s mom shrieks.

"FUCK MY TONE! And FUCK Y-!"

"May!" May stops suddenly at hearing Claire’s voice. May turns around and sees Claire running toward her. Claire puts a hand on May’s shoulder. "I can handle this, May-May. It’s okay."

"I’m NOT leaving," May says stubbornly, crossing her arms. She stands behind Claire, glaring at Claire’s parents and the pastor.

"That’s fine," says Claire, rounding on her parents. "What are you doing here?"

"We’re here to take you home. We came here to help fix you. This life you’re living is unnatural. It’s sinful. We still love you, we can help you," Claire’s mom says, as she takes Claire’s hands and kneels in front of her. "Please let us help you, we want the old Claire back. Our baby."

"Mom, I am the old Claire. You just stopped seeing it because your status in your church is more important to you than I am. I’m not coming home. Where you are has never been my home. Whatever warped fantasies you have of ‘fixing me’ are not happening. I’m sorry that you came all this way, but you need to go. I don’t want to see either of you again."

"Claire, we’re your family!" Claire’s dad says angrily.

"No. You’re not," Claire says and she turns around, walks back up the sidewalk, and into the house. May stands and stares them down until they finally give up and leave, then she follows Claire.

"Claire?" May says as she walks inside. She finds Claire sitting on the couch staring straight ahead. "Claire, are you alright?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I’m not worried about me right now." All of a sudden Claire starts laughing which worries May even more. "What’s so funny?"

"I heard you yelling and I was watching out the window. Did you see Pastor Todd’s face when you were yelling ‘fuck’ at them?" Tears of laughter are streaming down Claire’s face now.

"I wasn’t really paying attention." May starts laughing herself and falls on the couch next to Claire. "What did he look like?"

"Extremely uncomfortable! If I wasn’t completely terrified I probably would have lost it! Oh God, when you said something about ‘FUCK MY TONE’ his eyes got so big and I swear he started sweating!" Claire cries out and slaps May on the arm while doubling over in laughter.

"I’m sure he’s heard worse! That old bastard!" May laughs, rolling all over the couch in a fit of giggles.

After a few minutes their laughter starts to die down. May and Claire look at each other and smirk. “I just got broken up with,” May says.

"So did my parents," Claire replies, and the laughter starts up once more.

***

Claire and her new assistant, Emilia, drive May to the airport to depart for New York that next Friday. As May stands outside the entrance, she looks nervously at Claire. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing? Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can cancel…”

"No, May. You’re doing the right thing," Claire says for what seems like the millionth time that week.

May takes a deep breath and grabs her bag from the trunk of Emilia’s car. She stands in front of Claire and smiles. “I’m really going to miss you.”

"I’m going to miss you, too," Claire says, immediately tearing up.

"Don’t cry! I’ll cry!" May says, flapping her hands in front of her eyes. "We’ll see each other. You’ll have to come out to New York for all kinds of things! You can come see me in my dumpy apartment!"

"I wish you would have let me give you severance, May," Claire says, wiping her eyes.

"I’ll be fine! It’ll be an adventure."

"Oh! Wait a second," Claire says, opening the car door and grabbing something out of her purse. "Ben sent this to me to give to you." She hands May a key chain of a tiny pewter Big Ben. "He says to use it on your new apartment keys." May takes it and puts it in her purse. "You really should talk to him, May."

"There’s nothing else to say. Hearing his voice is too hard right now. Tell him I said thank you, though. It’s sweet of him to think of me." May looks into Claire’s eyes to let her know she means it.

"I’ll tell him."

"Well, I guess I had better go." May knocks on the car window and waves goodbye to Emilia. She straightens back up and looks at Claire. "I love you. You’re amazing and I’m so proud to be your friend. Thank you for everything Claire, honestly."

"Thank you, May. I couldn’t have done these last two years without you. I’m proud to be your friend, too." Claire hugs May tightly and they part ways as May walks inside the airport and Claire gets in the car with Emilia.

***

May’s first week in New York is just as hectic as her last week in Los Angeles. Her things arrive late and the people she hires to move her belongings cancel on her. She has just put her head dramatically onto her desk when Chuck walks by.

"Problem, May?" Chuck asks, amused.

"My movers totally cancelled on me because they were overbooked. Now I have to move all of my stuff in by myself and have it done by midnight or I have to pay a fine for the stupid moving truck sitting there too long."

"I can help you move your stuff in! You just have to ask!" Chuck says excitedly.

"Really? It’s not much. Just a couch and a bed and a bunch of odds and ends. I’ll buy you beer and pizza."

"You had me at beer! Let’s go now, there’s not much for us to do today anyway."

So Chuck and May head back to her apartment and carry all of the stuff up the stairs in just enough time to have the moving company pick up their truck. Chuck and May are already buzzing off of the beer they shared while May unpacks all of her collectables.

"So, you’re a Lord of the Rings fan?" Chuck asks after opening a box filled with action figures and statuettes.

"Um, who isn’t?"

"Dude, you totally have a Bob Dylan candle! What the hell! Your boxes are fun!"

May looks at the Bob Dylan candle and is transported to the day she bought it with Ben at the music festival. All of a sudden she misses Ben greatly and she starts to cry.

"Woah, woah! May, what’s up? Bob’s back in the box now!" Chuck says as he runs over to put an arm around May.

"I’m sorry. I just went through a breakup and I bought the candle when I was with him and it just hit me that we’re actually over," May says, sniffing.

"I’m sorry, May. He’s an idiot because from the treasures in your boxes you seem to be a really cool chick."

May laughs. “Thanks.”

"I just went through a bad breakup too. We were engaged actually…" Chuck went on to tell the entire story of his ex-girlfriend’s cheating and by the end they are both crying, laughing, and incredibly drunk.

The next morning they wake up naked on the floor underneath May’s Gollum blanket. May turns around to stare at Chuck who is staring back at her.

"Um. Do you want some cold pizza?" May asks awkwardly.

"Yeah, cold pizza sounds good," Chuck says just as awkwardly as his lip twitches which makes May laugh.

"Well that was a good time, huh? I swear I don’t usually screw the guys who help me move."

"Hey, it’s totally cool," Chuck laughs, leaning over to grab his pants. "It was fun."

"Yeah, I needed that." May stands up and takes the blanket with her as she searches for a pair of pajama pants to slide on. "Look, I hate saying this because it sounds lame and I’m not assuming you’re thinking anything, but I just got out of a long thing and I’m not looking for anything right now…"

"Oh, thank God you said it first!" Chuck says, sounding incredibly relieved. "I like you a lot, but honestly, I’m not even close to being ready to being in a committed anything right now."

"Good! It’s settled then! Oh, here’s your pizza," May says, handing him a paper towel with a slice.

"Thanks, May."

"Any time," she says, sipping from a glass of water.

***

Two weeks after May arrives in New York, she talks Chuck into throwing a banquet for To Be Determined, their charity. To Be Determined helps to rehabilitate the homeless by having local psychologists on call to help the people with mental illnesses, deals with a couple of rehab centers in the city to help those that were addicted to drugs, and safe shelters that were more like dorm rooms for the homeless to stay in while they were getting back on their feet. Unfortunately, this took a lot of money which is why May was ultimately hired.

May pulls a lot of strings to get the banquet off the ground and luckily has quite a few contacts from her years at Harvard to call in favors to. Her friend Joe caters for free and her college roommate has a party planning business so the party is planned for free as well after May promises to do her friend’s taxes for the next two years. May has also gotten Claire and her celebrity friends to donate clothes to be auctioned off during the banquet.

The owners of To Be Determined, which also happen to be Chuck’s parents, are so pleased with what May has been able to pull off that they pay for Chuck and May to see a show by a new playwright named Bette Chambers. May and Chuck fall completely in love with the play and with Sebastian Stan and Kate Kittredge who play the leads.

As luck would have it, Bette Chambers and her friend are at the banquet. Chuck and May are both nervous to approach Bette but somehow they manage.

"Miss Chambers?" May asks nervously.

"Bette," she says as she holds out her hand.

"Bette, my name is May and this is my friend Chuck. We just saw your play and we absolutely fell in love with it! You’re so talented! I cried like a baby. Chuck did too."

"I really did," Chuck says enthusiastically, shaking Bette’s hand as well.

"And my God," May says, fanning herself. "That Sebastian Stan is something else! I could watch him breathing for two hours and be totally alright."

Bette’s companion laughs as she elbows him lightly in the ribs. “Thank you so much. I’m thrilled with its reception and the outpouring of praise. This is my friend and co-writer, Dimitri Podladtchikov. We’ve written a musical together.” 

"It’s so nice to meet you," Chuck says, shaking his hand.

"Yes," May says, smiling hugely at Dimitri. "Whenever your musical comes out I will be first in line to see it!"

They all talk for a little while longer and May and Bette exchange numbers, promising to get dinner together sometime soon.

The banquet is such a hit they end up raising well into the millions. As amazing as this is, it keeps everyone so incredibly busy that May barely has a moment to herself. May loves what she’s doing here though, and all the extra work keeps her from thinking of things she shouldn’t be.

On her first night off in two weeks she calls Bette on the off chance that she would be free. As much as she enjoys spending time with Chuck and his friends, she is in need of some serious girl time.

"Hello?"

"Bette? This is May. We met at the To Be Determined banquet?"

"Oh yes! Yes I remember. How are you, May?"

"I’m great! I had a night off and I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner?"

"I would love that, actually. I’ve been stuck in the house quite a bit recently and it would be nice to get out." 

May and Bette have a wonderful dinner together and end up back at Bette’s place. They polish off a couple of bottles of wine between them and May ends up telling Bette everything that happened with Ben. It turns out that Bette knows all too well the ins and outs of dating celebrities so they both have a good laugh and a May has a good cry and leaves the next morning feeling a little less alone.

A month after she moves to New York she gets a call from Ben. May is arguing with Chuck over a quote from a movie so she doesn’t check her phone before answering.

"Hello?" she answers, sounding annoyed.

"Hello, May. Did I catch you at a bad time?" Ben asks shyly.

It takes May a moment to realize who it is and when she does she flushes. “Oh, no sorry. I was arguing with my EX-friend over a movie quote.” Chuck looks affronted but May begins pointing at the phone and mouthing “It’s my ex! MY EX! EX!” Eventually she writes ‘Ben’ down on a post it note and underlines it while staring at him meaningfully. Once Chuck realizes who she means, his eyes go big and he covers his mouth with his hand while May slumps in her chair and begins twisting her hair in her nervousness. “So, Ben! What’s up?”

"Nothing, I was just thinking about you and thought I’d give you a ring. How are you? How’s the Big Apple?"

"It’s big," May replies, making Ben chuckle. "It’s great actually."

"How’s the job?"

"Oh, it’s amazing. I love it here. My bosses are great and my co-workers are much easier to please than Claire," May laughs.

"It doesn’t seem that would be hard to do," Ben says.

"So, how are things with you?" May asks in between mouthing "Oh my God" at Chuck while he leans his head in close to try and hear what Ben is saying.

"Things are well. I’m filming ‘The Hollow Crown’ right now and then once I’m done it will be time for me to start ‘Hamlet.’" Chuck rolls his eyes and May slaps him on the arm.

"That sounds great! I’m excited for you!" May has no idea what to say as she is caught completely off guard with his call. She hasn’t heard from him since he broke up with her but not from Ben’s lack of trying. Ben would call and text at least once a day the week after they broke up and May thinks Claire told him to give her some space because he eventually stopped. Although May has moved on, it is still hard to hear his voice and not miss him.

"May, I also wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for getting angry that day and I’m sorry for how everything happened. I was a right prat…"

"Ben, it’s fine. It’s over with. I’m sorry I was difficult and I’m sorry I avoided you. It was just…"

"I understand completely, May. I also wanted to tell you this before you found out from the press, but I’ve been seeing someone."

Chuck leans back in his chair, looks at May and mouths “What the fuck?” at her. She just shrugs as her eyes water. She gives the phone the middle finger for good measure. “That’s nice. I’m glad for you,” she says, doing her best supportive voice while giving Chuck her best ‘WTF’ face. 

"Thank you, May. It’s early days, but I just wanted you to know," Ben says.

"Thank you?" May says, miming slamming her head on her desk while Chuck draws a penis over where she had written Ben’s name on the Post-It note.

"Not a problem. Well, I’ve got to go, I’m being called on set! It’s been lovely talking to you again, May."

"You too. Bye Ben," May says, ending the call. "Why the fuck did he just call me to tell me he has a new fucking girlfriend?"

"I don’t know. That guy’s a prick, May. I can’t believe you went out with him! Shakespeare is totally lame, by the way."

"Ugh," May says as she puts her head on her desk.

"Hey! We’re going out tonight! I’m calling the guys. You call Bette. It’s fucking on! We’re gonna get wasted and you’re going to have a good fucking time!" Chuck exclaims as if readying troops for war.

"It’s fine, Chuck. I’ll be fine."

"I don’t care. We’re going out. Get your shit." Chuck leaves the office to call his friends and May sends off a text to Bette.

That night, as promised, Chuck gets May incredibly drunk and after the puking and the brain piercing headache subsides, she makes the decision that she is done mourning her relationship with Ben.

May begins to date, which is more difficult than one would think in a city this large. May has fun letting attractive men buy her dinner and take her to shows and she even has fun sleeping with the ones who are attractive enough that she’s able to look past their horrible personalities, but none of them sticks.

During all of this time, Claire and her new assistant Emilia take turns calling May to complain about each other.

"May, she’s horrible," Claire would say. "I think I might need you to come home and help me find someone new."

"I honestly don’t know how you lasted as long as you did, May. She’s impossible," Emilia would cry, and May would tell her that that’s just how Claire is and that she needs to be strong.

Three months after May moves to New York, Claire flies out to see her. Claire takes May out to dinner and tells her some shocking news.

"Emilia and I are seeing each other."

"Are you serious? I thought you hated her!"

"I do! Well, I did. But it’s because I was attracted to her. And she was to me. Anyways, I love her May-May. She’s amazing."

"Claire, you’re ridiculous and I love you. If you’re happy, I’m happy!"

"Your parents came out to see me last week and they met her and loved her, of course. They wanted to check up on me after everything that happened so I think they would have been happy with anyone, really."

"They knew and didn’t tell me? I just talked to my mom last night!"

"I asked them not to! I wanted to tell you myself! That’s why Emilia didn’t come with me."

"I’m just glad to see you, and I’m really happy for you. Bring her next time!"

"I am. The premiere of the Nashville project is next month and she’ll be here with me. That’s another reason I wanted to see you. I really want you to come."

"Oh, Claire. I don’t know," May says nervously.

"It would mean so much to me, May. You were there for all of it and I’m so proud of the movie. We’ve just started press for it, Ben and I."

"Ah." May shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

"He told me you two spoke a couple months ago."

"Yes, he called to tell me he had a new girlfriend, which was really thoughtful of him, I think," May says sarcastically.

"He also told me that you haven’t answered any of his calls or texts after that. May, he’s not with her anymore."

"Oh, is he with a new girl now? Is he upset that he wasn’t able to tell me he’s fucking someone else?"

"May-May, calm down. He’s an idiot, but he misses you."

"Obviously, I’m easy to miss," May says flippantly, looking at the wine menu so that she doesn’t have to make eye contact with Claire.

"May, look at me," Claire says seriously.

May does.

"He cares for you a great deal and I know you cared for him too. I think you need to call him. He feels like an asshole for everything that happened."

"Well, perhaps he’ll see me at this premiere I’m being forced to go to."

"You’ll go?" Claire asks excitedly.

"Of course I’ll go, Claire. I wouldn’t miss it. I’m very proud of you," May says, looking at Claire fondly.

"Thanks, May. I knew I could count on you."


	23. Tickle Me Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you to lexfritter for being the most amazing beta and friend throughout this whole story! I honestly couldn’t have done this without her talking to me in the wee hours of the morning! And she has so kindly let our fiction worlds collide by letting me use Bette from her Sebastian Stan story Giving Up which is amazing and should be read immediately. And thank you to ALL OF YOU for reading and just generally being amazing. Oh, and if you’re sad this is the end of May and Ben, I know that feel. I’m sad too which is why *stage whispers* _**there’s going to be a sequel!**_

Come on baby, now throw me a right to the chin.  
Don’t just stare like you never cared, I know you did.  
But you just smiled, like a bank teller, blankly telling me have a nice life.  
Come on baby, now throw me a right to the chin.  
Just one sign that’ll show me that you give a shit.  
But you just smile politely, and I grow weaker and I…  
Selfless, Cold, and Composed - Ben Folds Five  
As soon as May gets home from her dinner with Claire, she calls Bette.

"Hey, May! What’s up?"

"I have to go to the premiere for Claire and Benedict’s new movie next month and I have nothing to wear and no one to go with."

"I’d let you borrow Sebastian but he’s out of town," Bette jokes. "I can help you shop for a dress, though."

"Will you come with me to the premiere? I’m not showing up alone and Chuck would embarrass me." May and Bette both laugh at the thought of Chuck at a movie premiere.

"Of course, May. I can also get you an appointment with a great makeup artist and my hair stylist?"

"Have I told you lately how glad I am that we met? You’re the best, Bette."

"So I’ve been told."

***

Bette and May spend the entire morning being pampered at Bette’s favorite salon and spa the day of the premiere. It’s been quite a while since May has done any sort of pampering so she goes for the whole shebang and leaves the salon feeling like a brand new woman.

They head to Bette’s apartment to put on their dresses and May has to admit they both look incredibly amazing.

"You know, it’s almost unfair to the people who were actually in the movie that we’re going to look better than them at their own premiere," May says, admiring her boobs in the mirror. May’s dress is a dark red strapless number with a sweet heart neckline. It gathers in a sort of criss cross pattern the middle of her stomach and flows the rest of the way down to the floor. Her make up is simple except for a bold red lip that perfectly matches the color of her dress.

"Isn’t it?" Bette agrees, smiling at May checking herself out.

Bette’s phone rings and she answers.

"Hey, Seb. Yeah, we’re just about to leave. I will. May, Seb says hello."

"Hey Sebastian!" May calls out.

"Yeah, she looks amazing. You’re right, I do too," Bette laughs. "Yes, I’ll call you after the premiere. Bye!" She hangs up the phone. "He wants me to take a picture of us and send it to him."

May immediately poses, making Bette laugh before standing next to her, taking the picture and sending it to Sebastian.

Bette leaves the room and when she comes back she lets May know that the limo is here.

"Oh God," May says, instantly breaking out into a sweat. "I’m not sure if I’m ready for this."

"We’re not walking the carpet, it won’t be that bad," Bette says soothingly, fanning May with a shoe box lid. "You’re going to sweat your makeup off!"

"I’m not worried about the carpet! I’m not ready to see Ben! It was bad enough just hearing his voice months ago! I mean, I’ve moved on. I’ve dated, but still."

"May, you’re going to be fine. I promise. I’ll be there with you. Let’s go! This is going to be fun! There’ll be champagne in the limo. We can get buzzed before we get there."

"Okay, sounds good," May says, still unconvinced.

As it turns out there are two bottles of champagne in the limo and May takes one of them for herself, choosing to drink straight from the bottle while Bette drinks her own more demurely from a glass.

"You look very beautiful tonight, Bette. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner," May says, swallowing more champagne.

"Thank you, May," Bette says, gently taking the three fourths empty bottle from her.

"Ah, I feel good. I feel relaxed. My skin is buzzing and I look beautiful and everything is going to be fine. I’m here for Claire. I just need to focus on her, tell her how amazing she was, and then we can leave."

"That’s the spirit," Bette says encouragingly.

The limo stops close to the theater and as soon as May sees the crowds she groans.

"Oh my God, I’m not ready. I’m going to puke. I feel horrible! Do you think Claire would notice if I wasn’t here?"

"May, yes she would. You’re going to be fine, I promise."

"Can’t I just have the rest of that bottle?" May asks pathetically, trying to get Bette to take pity on her.

"There’s more booze inside. If you make it in there, then you can have more."

"Thank you again for coming with me. I couldn’t do this without you!"

"It’s honestly my pleasure. We’re going to have fun!" Bette says, as the driver opens the door for them to get out.

"Ahh, fun." May follows Bette out of the car just in time to hear the crowd outside the theater cheer Benedict’s name. "I’m going to pass out."

"Remember there’s booze inside! Look, there’s some regulars entering over there. Let’s go!" Bette says, gently guiding May away from the screams.

"Yes. Booze inside." May follows Bette into the theater and sure enough there’s an open bar as soon as they walk in. Claire made sure May had two V.I.P. passes so they are taken to a special area of the theater where their seats have been reserved. Bette is having a great time watching all the people coming in while May sits stock still, clutching her glass of whiskey with both hands.

"May!" Emilia says suddenly behind May and Bette. May jumps but just manages not to spill her drink.

"Emilia! You look beautiful! It’s great to see you!" May says, hugging Emilia a little tighter than she means to. Emilia gives an alarmed look at Bette who mimes to her that May has been drinking.

"Thanks, May. You look gorgeous too! And you must be Bette. Claire said you’d be coming with May."

"It’s lovely to meet you," Bette says kindly, shaking Emilia’s hand.

"Joe’s walking the carpet with her right now. Ben and Claire came together so they’re doing interviews," Emilia says.

"Ah, yes. I don’t miss doing that," May says, trying not to react to Benedict’s name.

Emilia takes her assigned seat next to Bette and they all three make small talk while they wait for the seats to fill and the movie to start. May is so busy comparing notes on Claire with Emilia that she doesn’t even notice when Claire and Ben enter the theater and take their seats right next to her. It’s only when Bette raises her eyebrows that May turns around to see Ben and Claire staring at her, both of them smiling.

"Heeey!" May says, cursing herself for sounding like the Fonz.

"Hey, May-May! Did you have a problem getting in?" Claire asks with a twinkle in her eye, knowing May has had a bit to drink already.

"Nope! No problems. Thank you again for inviting us! Oh, this is Bette!" May says, standing up and pointing to Bette. "Bette Chambers. She’s a writer. Bette, this is Benedict Cumberbatch and my best friend Claire Griffin."

"It’s wonderful to meet you both," Bette says, shaking Ben’s and then Claire’s hands.

"I’ve heard great things about the play you had on earlier this year," Ben says. "I wish I had been able to come see it."

"Thank you so much," says Bette.

"I saw it with my friend Chuck on the last night. It was beautiful. Bette is amazing! Yay Bette!" May puts her hands up in a cheer. "I’ve got to pee. I’ll be right back!"

May escapes through the theater’s front door on her way to the find the bathroom. She asks an usher and he points her to the nearest one. As soon as she goes in, she leans against the wall and takes a deep breath. May has no idea what lead her to believe she was over Ben. Hearing him on the phone had been torture enough, but seeing him? All she could think about was his hands on her body, his voice in her ear, his lips on her own. There is no way, she thinks, that she could have been prepared for the physical pain she felt upon seeing him again.

But, May thinks, straightening herself up and looking in the mirror, this is her best friend’s night. She isn’t going to ruin it with her feelings. She is going to sober up, walk back out to her seat, and get through this night if it kills her. She straightens her shoulders, walks out the door and comes face to face with Ben who was waiting for her outside the bathroom.

"Hey," May says lamely.

"You look absolutely stunning tonight," Ben says seriously.

"Thank you. You look nice too," May says, eying his gorgeous suit and the way it fits perfectly against his body.

"Thanks. May," Ben begins, but May cuts him off.

"I think I heard them say your name, we better get back in there!" May turns around and hears Ben sigh as she walks into the theater. She sits down next to Bette and smiles at Claire. A few seconds later Ben enters again.

"Are you alright?" Bette asks May.

"Yeah, I’m fine." May smiles at Bette, trying to reassure her that she’s okay.

The director stands up front and introduces Claire, Ben, and the rest of the cast who all stand up and wave, and then he introduces the movie. The lights dim and May is acutely aware that she is sitting next to Ben in a darkened room. At one point she puts her arm on the rest without thinking and grazes Ben’s arm. Shocked, she turns to apologize but is stopped short when she sees the look on his face — a mixture of longing and something very much like regret.

"Sorry," she whispers, looking him in the eye for the first time tonight. May is surprised at the overwhelming urge she has to take his hand, but she manages to break eye contact and the urge is gone. After that, she tries to focus solely on the movie, which isn’t hard as it’s amazing. Everyone in the audience jumps, laughs, and cries at all the right times and when it’s over the movie receives a standing ovation and May is the first one on her feet.

"You guys were wonderful!" May says, hugging Claire tightly. "I’m so proud of you Claire!" She turns to Ben and smiles. "You were alright too, I guess."

Ben smiles. “Thank you,” he says, pulling her into his arms. May hugs him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. With his mouth next to her ear he whispers, “Please talk to me.”

May leans back and looks in his eyes once more. “Okay,” she says. Ben and Claire are then whisked away with the cast as the rest of the theater goers, including May and Bette, make their way to the after-party at a nearby hotel.

"That was an intense hug," Bette says conversationally to May as they walk out of the theater.

"Yes. He asked me to ‘please talk to him’ and of course I said yes because he smells amazing. Bette, what am I doing?" May asks pleadingly.

"Being in love?" Bette asks innocently.

"Ugh."

"Love is a tricky business, May. It can sneak up on you when you’re not paying attention," Bette says wisely.

"It was good seeing him. I forgot how hot he is," May laughs.

"He’s no Sebastian," Bette says, smiling.

"Who is, really?" May asks, lightly elbowing Bette as they walk into the elegantly decorated ball room that houses the after party.

***

The party is a complete blast and May remembers what she loved about going to premieres with Claire: free food and free booze! Bette and May start the night out mingling with the other guests, both of them recognizing several people they know. Claire and Emilia catch up with May and Bette and they all find a table to sit down.

"So," May says, staring at Emilia. "You and Claire are an item now. You know, that’s not what I hired you for," she laughs. "Though I admit it’s hard not to love this brat."

"Hey!" Claire says, laughing and slapping May on the arm.

"Yeah, she’s something else." Emilia laughs at May and Claire arguing about who the brat is when Ben comes up to the table.

"Can I steal May away from you ladies for a second?"

Bette looks at May to see if she’s okay with leaving with Ben and May nods, standing up.

"I’ll be back in a bit. Are you okay for a minute, Bette?" May asks.

"Of course. If I get bored of these two, I saw some people I know over in the corner," Bette jokes, smiling kindly at Claire and Emilia.

Ben puts his hand at the small of May’s back and guides her toward the entrance of the ballroom. May can feel the heat of his hand through her dress and it radiates throughout her. He leans down and asks, “Do you mind coming up to my room so we can talk in private?”

"That’s fine," May says, her stomach in knots.

They walk to the elevator. Ben presses the up button and they both stand in silence while they wait for the doors to open. Once they do, Ben and May step inside and the doors close them in with the awkward silence that permeates the elevator car.

May is the first to break the silence. “The movie really was amazing. I’m not an expert with these things but I think it’s going to do really well.”

"Thank you," Ben says, bowing his head humbly.

That’s the only exchange they share until the elevator stops and Ben leads May out and to the door of his room. May enters first and Ben follows, shutting it lightly behind him.

"Deja vu," May says, shivering a bit. She looks around the room and sees Ben’s open suitcase with his clothes thrown haphazardly around. She smiles as she feels her affection for him grow inside her chest.

May senses Ben coming up behind her and she crosses her arms across her stomach and closes her eyes, content to just feel him there. Ben places his hands lightly on her hips, as if he’s scared if he touches her she’ll run away.

"May," he whispers, leaning his forehead against the back of her head. "I don’t know how to begin to say what I need to."

May can feel his breath and can sense his lips getting closer to her neck. She fights the urge to back closer into him and turns around instead.

"Just say what you need to say, Benedict. Please," May’s eyes begin to tear up as soon as she looks at him.

"Oh, May," Ben says, stepping forward to comfort her. May backs up and shakes her head slightly. Ben stops and his eyes begin to water as well. "I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything."

"Ben…" May interrupts, outwardly crying after witnessing Ben’s emotions.

"Please let me finish," he says, not unkindly. "I’ve missed you so much these past few months. I was such a prat getting angry with you for canceling on me. I was already reluctant to attempt a long distance relationship and that was the nail in the coffin. I’m an impatient man, May, and I shouldn’t have ended things so soon for something so ridiculous. As soon as I said it I regretted it. But you just accepted it. You didn’t fight."

"What was I supposed to do, Ben? You sounded like your mind was made up! Do you know what I was going through with Claire? She was devastated! The same day you broke up with me her parents came to visit, did you know that? Did you ask how she was?"

"No, but she told me and I feel like an arsehole."

"Good, because you are. I might not have the most experience when it comes to relationships but I’m pretty sure that you’re supposed to count on the person you love to be there for you when shitty things happen," May says, wiping the tears from her face and idly wondering if her makeup was truly waterproof. She looks back up at Ben, waiting for him to respond.

Ben looks at her. “You love me?”

"What?" May asks, bewildered.

"You said you expected the person you love to be there for you. May, you’re right, I should have been there for you. I can never apologize enough for how horrible I was to you. I’ve thought about you every single day for the past five months. You’re always on my mind."

"Was I on your mind when you were with your new girlfriend? The one you had to call and announce to me? I mean, thanks for that, because before then I was still pining for you. I was still missing you. That gave me the push I needed to put myself out there. You’ll notice I didn’t call you every time I slept with someone new," May says harshly, still feeling the sting of that phone call. She feels a grim satisfaction when she sees Ben flinch at her confession. 

"I was so stupid, May. That’s all I can say. I was trying desperately to let you go, to move on. I thought maybe telling you about her would help, but it didn’t. I couldn’t do it, May. I still can’t let you go."

May’s heart feels as if it’s being pulled in a thousand different directions. She has no idea how to take any of this and no idea what to say. There is one thought, though, screaming louder than the others. ‘I love him. I love him. I love him.’ The ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’ try to drown them out but May’s heart wants what it wants and she realizes now that it always has.

May looks into Ben’s red rimmed eyes that mirror her own and gives him a small smile. “I love you, Benedict. God help me but I do.”

Ben’s face is a mixture of pure joy and relief as his tears fall once more. He pulls her into a tight embrace and this time she doesn’t fight him. “Oh, May, darling. I love you too, so much. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he mumbles into her shoulder.

May feels her own sense of relief at being in his arms once more as her own tears wet his suit coat. “Ben?”

"What is it?" Ben asks, pulling back to look at her. He wipes her tears away with his thumbs and laughs as she does the same to him.

"Will you kiss me now, please?"

"Any time you want," Ben says before pulling her body flush with his and kissing her.

They kiss each other for what seems like forever and no time at all before May leans away and smiles. “We should probably get back downstairs. It isn’t very polite for you to skip your own premiere.”

"Will you stay with me tonight? We don’t have to do anything," Ben adds quickly.

"Like you’re getting rid of me that easy, Cumberbatch. Let’s get back to the party and I’ll deal with Big Ben later," May says, winking at him.

May and Ben go back downstairs hand in hand. Upon seeing them enter together, Claire cheers and Bette and Emilia smile. 

Ben and May don’t know how they’re going to make it work, but they do know they’re going to figure it out together.

 

May and Ben will return in **Tickle Me Pink** , the sequel to **If I Didn’t Know!**

When nothing goes right  
And the future’s dark as night  
What you need is a sunny sunny day.  
Tickle Me Pink - Johnny Flynn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO SO MUCH!!!! I'm a bit misty posting this last chapter! You've all been so kind and it has meant so much to me! Every single comment means the world to me, honestly! That being said, PLEASE let me know what you think of the ending!
> 
> Anyway! I can't wait to start writing the sequel! As for now I'm LITERALLY going to Disney World/Universal Studios for a week!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO See you on the other side! <3
> 
> (PS: Giving Up is a story my friend lexilulu (on here) is writing and it's got Sebastian Stan in it and it is sooooooooo good. I'm her beta so I know these things! You should all be reading it!)


End file.
